And then I remember.
Late nights and candy eyes. Conversations and dream-like days. Intoxication of the mind can be a dangerous thing. It coils itself into the deepest part and brings back memories as if it’s bringing back someone from the dead. I can feel it hunting. It is searching for the weakest part of me.
Bright lights. There’s a chill in the air as I take a drag and close my eyes to put myself back in the same place I was three months ago. My breath catches when I see you. It’s overwhelming really, because I don’t allow myself to do this often. I’m sitting across from your sister and her girlfriend. There’s a warm feeling in the room because everyone is genuinely happy and buzzing from the vodka. They are on my right and you are in front of me. The smile in your eyes are telling me everything I want to hear. I am content knowing that you feel for me as I feel for you.
I fast forward to you running to the bathroom which seemed to be the place for all of us to break down crying. Following the hallway, I knock on the door and hear your faint voice tell me that you’re fine. But when I open the door, your eyes are red and swollen. My hand cups your face and I whisper reassuring words into your ear. In reality my fears were mirroring yours. I would eventually leave and we would both be without that damn connection that lured us to our faults.
Later we arrive to the dance floor, a couple blocks down. I find you in the mix of the crowd and wrap I my arms around your sides. We don’t speak about it, but we know it would be wrong to dance face to face. More drinks flow, and suddenly I don’t care if I am seen. You face me and the connection takes over. My forehead touches yours and the ache returns stronger than ever to kiss the bridge of your nose.
I can’t take it anymore. My eyes open and I’m staring at an empty road again. I stand up a bit shaky and notice that it’s pouring rain. I cannot let go. And even if I tried, I couldn't get the piece of me that is locked away in your destination. It’s tainted with lost hope. I walk to the road and lay on the wet pavement. Then, as I realize that I've hit my breaking point, I just let myself go.