I was convinced I would married him. We seemed perfect for each other. He loved his family, and was a good person. He wanted a big family, I wanted a big family. He was raised to be a gentleman, I was raised to be a lady. He treated girls the way they wished every guy would. His flattery made me bubble inside feeling like someone actually appreciated me, for the first time in too long. After not seeing each other for two years, I walked past him not even recognizing his face.
“Carmen?!” I heard as I whipped my head around to see this figure sitting amidst the crowded bleachers. What normally would have just been a sea of faces, seemed to have meaning. I scanned the bodies huddled in the October chill, cheering wildly for the North Spartans. Then, I saw him. He looked familiar, kind of like someone I knew a few years ago in school. Then it hit me, it was the guy all the girls fawned over! He melted girls with his strong tenor voice, and smooth persona. I felt my stomach turn, a flash of nervousness overtook my mind. Why would he even want to talk to me? We never talked before when there was the opportunity. Did he realize I was much different now than I was back when I was a bubbly 16 year old sophomore?
“Nick?” I shivered as a gust of wind blew my blonde curl across my face. I became very aware of my appearance suddenly feeling as though I should have tried a little harder to make myself look good that day. I looked down at my 18 year old body, layered with various shades of green I had worn to the Oshkosh North versus Oshkosh West rivalry football game. Come on, Carmen! Couldn’t you have actually tried looking cute today?!
“Hey, you should come keep me warm.” He said as he patted the empty, cold spot to his left on the bleachers.
“Uhh, sure!” I slowly made my way over to him, the entire time I felt his eyes inspecting the new young lady I’d bloomed into. The only thing coming to mind was dannnng, when did Nick get so hot?! The lanky, slightly nerdy, star wars loving 17 year old high school senior I remembered had grown into a confident, very attractive young man.
“So... you actually remember who I am?” I asked him as my green eyes took in the strong features of his face. The brown stubble on his chin, the prominent jaw line making space for his perfectly white smile. Those eyes, the huge brown eyes that made me feel as though he could read every thought running through my mind.
His gaze locked with mine as a smile ran across his lips, “Of course I remember who you are! You’re Carmen Halle, you were in chorale, Kiss Me Kate, and madrigals with me!”
I blushed thinking back to those days. I didn’t realize anyone even noticed me. I was the new girl at North that year, I got involved with everything; especially singing. I was surprised he didn’t mention the hearing my loud soprano voice every day. He sat the row in front of me in choir and there was no way he couldn’t hear the high A’s emitted from my vocal chords. My mind bounced back to Nick. I looked him in the eyes taking note of his freckled nose and upper cheeks aww, that’s a cute place for freckles I thought, smiling to myself.
He raised his right eyebrow at me as if waiting for a response.
“Oh!” I giggled “So that’s how you remember me?”
“Well, back then I was pretty focused on my Anne and didn’t notice other girls very much... but I can see that you have grown into a very beautiful young lady.” He replied nudging me in the side.
I giggled, “Well, thank you.”
A hush filled the frigid air.
“I’m going to Brazil for two years!” he said, breaking the silence.
I didn’t know what to say in response to that. What did I care? We hadn’t talked for so long it would make no difference to lose something I never had. Plus, we were only getting to know each other, it wasn’t like we were falling in love or something.
However, looking back, even then I should have figure it out. He wasn’t looking for a real relationship, he was looking for a last minute fling before he left less than a month later. But that realization hadn’t yet come.
3 weeks later, after a rollercoaster of events varying from hours of religious debates of Mormonism vs Christianity, flirtatious late night phone calls, and long facebook chats came a moment I had suspected would take place, but not how it did.
Ba-DUM, ba-DUM, I felt the rhythm of his heart beating against my own chest. His intense gaze caused a flash of heat on the cold November night. He pulled me in, so close I felt the warmth of each slow, stinky breath on my face.
“So, I looked up your name on urban dictionary, and it was crazy how much it described you!” he said to me.
“Is that so? What did it say?” I replied, my shoulders let out a shiver from the breeze passing over us.
“Well, that your eyes are the color of perfectly cut emeralds and that they catch every ounce of light... it’s too bad your eyes are blue, otherwise that’d have been perfect!” He said with a pouty frown as he rubbed my arms in attempt to give me some of his warmth.
“Uhh, my eyes are green...”
“Wait, they are? Well, anyways, wanna know what else it said?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “Why not?”
He took another step toward me, his hands slowly glided around my waist to my lower back sending chills down my already cold spine. His eyes squinted as he smiled down at me “Well, it says your lips are the softest I will ever have the pleasure of kissing”
He leaned in, holding his face a mere inch away from my own. I glanced up at his big brown puppy-dog eyes, they locked with mine, he pulled me in for a kiss. Just as his lips were about to touch mine, I turned my head to the left looking past him trying to muster the various ideas splashing through my mind, like water flowing full force out of a faucet on high. I took in a deep breath and let out a long exasperated sigh. My mind trudged onward, but my eyes got caught in the moment as they began to admire the beautiful scene ahead of them; the near full moon and the reflection of the stars on the calm water past the stone bridge. Gosh, this is a perfect night I thought trying to keep my mind focused on pleasant thoughts.
There I stood, atop the stone bridge overlooking the pond and train tracks in the middle of Menominee park, my knees shook due to the frigid air encompassing me. Oh my gosh! I think Nick might actually kiss me!! Was the first thing that popped into my head, then came reality. Okay, let’s be real... you’ve only even liked him less than a month, plus you’re supposed to be saying goodbye to him for two whole years he will be gone on his mission trip to Brazil, not starting some deep relationship. Besides, you just got over Connor a month ago and you liked him for 3 years and never once kissed him. The gears in my mind accelerated to full speed. I didn’t even know how much of the feelings I thought I had for him were real. He seemed too perfect, a facade. It was almost as though he knew the perfect words to mutter to make a girl think she’s falling for him.
“Whatchya looking at?” he asked me, jerking me back into reality.
“Oh, um... I was just noticing how... uhh... how pretty the sky was tonight!” I somehow managed to stutter out.
He slid his hand under my chin pulling my face toward his own again. He slowly leaned in for a kiss. First it was my forehead, then my nose, and before I had any time to protest, his cold lips were pressed against mine. My lips froze, my body froze, my mind however, did not freeze. It raced uncontrollably.
Eww, this is not what I was expecting at all. Real life kisses are nothing like you imagine them being from the movies. Yet, there I stood, awkwardly held in his embrace, his lips still pressed stiffly against my own. I couldn’t even imagine enjoying this supposedly momentous experience. The only thing crossing my mind was the large amount of germs that were likely being exchanged. He pulled away after what felt like a million years.
I stumbled backwards, “That... was my first kiss.”
“Oh my gosh! I’m sorry! I didn’t know.”
“That’s alright...” my voice trailed off as his mouth reached mine again. He parted his lips a little to where I could feel his saliva. Okay... that’s nasty, the only three words that came to my germaphobic mind. Saliva, how pleasant.
I opened my eyes to see his closed, looking quite content. I realized that his sweet, lulling words did not correspond with what was going on. I pulled my face away and took a step back before he could shove his tongue down my throat scarring my innocent mind forever. That was way too much for one night. For one lifetime, at least with him. The idea of us being perfect for each other oozed from my mind. There is no way I’d want to spend the rest of my life with a guy who can put on such a facade. He used the tactic of being overly sweet and showering me with compliments, putting ideas into my head that he really cared about me. Then, he left. Right after slobbering all over my face, without even thinking of asking or considering how I may feel about it. He didn’t even say a word to me. No letter in the mail, no phone call, no email, nothing. It occurred to me that there is no way a person could truly care that much about someone else and be able to just cut off all communication without even looking back. 5 months passed, I reflected on this whole situation from a healthier outlook. I was glad he left when he did. We weren’t good for each other, all of the thoughts of how we were perfect for each other and were going to get married would never cross my mind again. Well, I guess that just means next time I will find someone who actually cares.