I felt my heart beating in my chest, threatening to break my ribs. I let my hands clench and unclench to control my emotion. I let my shoulder stay straight and my hands behind my back. I let my hair fall around my face, hiding it from view. I felt so nervous. Scared. Intrigued. Powerless. I heard the sound of a camera click and the flash of light. I looked up to face the boy that I have loved since I was nine and now I'm 17. He lowered his Canon digital 6D camera and looked at the printed off photo. He nodded his head.
"Can you sit on the window and look outside?" He asked me in his honey voice and I complied.
I lowered myself onto the window's ledge, pushed my blonde hair out of my face, put it on my shoulder then looked outside, letting the sun's rays heat up my face. I watched the tree's sway and the students of my school huddle in groups, either smoking, fighting or just talking. I didn't even know why he asked me to be his model but I said yes anyway. I heard the click of the camera then the flash then the swish of a piece of photo paper being moved.
"Can you pose with your legs crossed, your finger on your lips and look outside still?"
I brought my finger to my lips and crossed my skinny jean covered legs, swinging my black heels from side to side. I felt my body shaking from the thrill of being studied by this boy. I breathed in then out, trying to slow my heart beat. It wasn't working. Click, flash, swish. Another photo taken care of. I was hoping he would use one of my photo's in his portfolio. Him and his camera. I closed my eyes and put one of my fingers to the glass of the window, uncrossing my legs and angling my whole body to the window. I heard the soft steps of him moving then I opened my eyes and parted my lips slightly. I wanted to be free. Free to chose who I wanted to be, like the boy who is taking photo's of me. Click, flash, swish. I closed my eyes, tilted my head up and put my hands in my wavy, blonde hair. Click, snap, swish. I didn't know why he was taking so many photos of me just moving but it felt good. I moved off of the window, sat on the ground then looked to my left knee, moving my hair to my left side. Click, flash, swish. He knew nothing about me. I was the girl that lurked in the darkest parts of the hallway. I was always the girl everyone always despised for no reason. They didn't know my story. They know nothing about me yet they know everything. The pain of being punched, hurt, just the agonizing pain of going home to see my father, and knowing he would hurt me. That scared me. The fear that would always override my brain, making me stand still while my father hit me. I felt tears trickle down my cheeks and I put my head onto my knees. Click, snap, swish.
"Angle your body the way you are but look at me?" I dried my tears then looked at the camera.
Well, really, him. I felt my heart flutter in my chest. He brought the camera to his blue eyes and I slowly looked him over, knowing I would never be this close to him again in my life. I noticed his shaggy dark brown hair. Everyone think's it's black but I notice the flickers of sunlight that shines into his hair, making his hair shine a gorgeous brown, not black. I wanted to run my hand through his hair. I wanted to kiss his full light pink lips. I wanted to run my hands over his muscly chest and stomach. I wanted to… Click, flash, swish. I blinked my eyes from the realization of knowing I was checking him out and not posing properly. I blushed. He looked at the picture for a couple minutes and I scrambled to my feet.
"Umm, can I go now?" I asked him.
He nodded and I turned to leave.
"Don't you want to see the pictures?" He asked me and I shrugged.
"I suppose…"
He knelt down onto the ground and spread out the photo's. All of them made me look like an angel. My hair was light blonde from the sun hitting it and my skin was clear, not showing any of the freckles speckling across my nose. My jeans and singlet looked good, making me look pretty and my heels made me look grown up, not a child. He put the last photo on to the ground and I couldn't breath. I was looking past the camera, looking giddy, nervous and a mix of many things but you could see in my eyes the love that I was hoping to never let anyone see. I let out my breath then stood up.
"Well, I hope these photos do you good in life," I turned to walk away.
"Stop, please, I know the truth."
I turned around, my heart feeling like steel in my chest," The truth?" I said that sounded more like a question.
He swallowed then nodded, showing me everything I needed to know.
"How?" I asked him," When did you…?"
"When I was 14 years old I worked it out…"
I straightened then turned away," Good, lucky you, now you can take those photo's and…. Why did you want me to take those photo's anyway? Why me?"
"I had to make sure."
"Make sure that I actually do love you? Well, you got the answer," I threw up my hands," and now tell the world, tell the world that I love you," I put my hands back down and looked back at him," Because. I. Don't. Care." I turned away, letting silent tears spill down my cheeks.
"But I do…' I turned back around and I looked into his face and saw his face open with all emotion.
I let the tears spill down my cheeks, showing him everything I kept inside and then he took the last few steps between us and gathered me into his arms. He cupped my face then kissed the tears on my cheeks and then gingerly made a trail to my lips. He kissed me softly then I kissed him back. I felt him sigh with relief. He dropped his camera onto the ground, making the device smash onto the ground, pieces flying everywhere but I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pushed my body up against his. I never want to leave, again.