I REMEMBER THE DAY SHE FINALLY GAVE UP ON ME. I HADNT SEEN IT COMING. SHE HAD BEEN THREATENING IT FOR YEARS. I ACTED AS IF I DIDN’T CARE. BUT INSIDE I WAS BREAKING. I ALREADY KNEW MY LIFE WAS COMPLETE HELL. I COULDN’T IMAGINE IT COULD EVER GET WORSE, AND THAT’S WHEN IT DID. I WAS FAILING OUT OF MY CLASSES. I DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER SHOWING UP MORE THAN HALF THE TIME. I PROMISED HER THAT I WOULD START TRYING. AND I DID. THAT ONE DAY WAS TORTURE. SO I BEGAN LYING TO HER. I TOLD HER I WAS GOING TO CLASS WHEN REALLY I WAS SITTING IN MY BACKYARD STONED OF MY MIND.

I ACTUALLY KIND OF JUDGED HER FOR NOT GIVING UP SOONER. SHE WAS A GOOD PERSON. SHE NEVER DID ANYTHING IRRATIONAL. SHE ALWAYS TURNED IN HER HOMEWORK ON TIME. SHE WENT TO CLASS, EVEN THE EARLY ONES. HER MAKE UP WAS ALWAYS DONE AND SHE NEVER HAD A HAIR OUT OF PLACE. SHE WAS TOO GOOD FOR ME. I HAD ALREADY KNOWN THAT. I SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER. BUT I DECIDED TO PRETEND I DIDN’T NOTICE. THAT WAS EASIER.

WE HAD MET BACK IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. WE WERENT CLOSE, BUT WE WERE BOTH THERE. WE WERE LOCKER NEIGHBORS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. WE SAT NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN HOMEROOM IN HIGH SCHOOL. AND WE HUNG OUT ALL THE TIME ONCE WE GRADUATED. SHE DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE CUTTING. SHE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE NUMEROUS TIMES I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF. SHE DIDN’T REALLY KNOW ABOUT THE PEOPLE I HUNG OUT WITH. WE WERE KIND OF IN OUR OWN LITTLE WORLD WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER.

I TRIED TO PUT ON MY HAPPY FACE WHEN SHE WAS AROUND. BUT SOMETIMES MY MASK FELL. I CRIED ON HER SHOULDER AND THOUGH SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING, I KNEW SHE WAS ON MY SIDE. SHE WANTED TO HELP ME. SHE BEGGED ME TO STOP. ONCE I EVEN GAVE HER MY ENTIRE STASH OF EVERYTHING. I WANTED IT OUT. I WANTED A NEW START. THAT LASTED FOR ABOUT A WEEK.

IM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THE BREAKING POINT WAS FOR HER. FOR AWHILE TOWARDS THE END SHE WAS THE ONE ALWAYS CRYING. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. SHE ASKED IF I EVEN LOVED HER. SHE ASKED WHY I WAS DOING THIS TO HER. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I JUST HELD HER CLOSE AND WHISPERED,

“ITS OKAY” I KNEW IT WASN’T OKAY. BUT WHAT ELSE COULD I SAY?
I WAS STARTING TO EXPERIMENT WITH HARDER STUFF THEN. I TOLD HER IT WAS JUST CURIOUSITY. ITS NOT LIKE I WAS ADDICTED. ALL THESE ROCK STARS ALWAYS EXPERIMENTED WITH HERION. WHY COULDN’T I? I GUESS SHE DIDN’T SEE IT THE SAME WAY. ONE OF THE LAST DAYS WE WERE TOGETHER WE WENT FOR A WALK. IT WAS A PERFECT AUTUMN DAY. I HAD FOUND A LEAF THAT WAS SHAPED LIKE A HEART. I HANDED IT TO HER.

“HERE, ITS YOURS” SHE LOOKED IT OVER. IT WAS OLD AND BROWN. THERE WERE HOLES ALL THROUGH IT AND IT WAS BRITTLE TO THE BONE.
SHE MENTIONED THAT IT WASN’T VERY STURDY.

“ITS BEEN THROUGH A LOT” I HAD PRACTICALLY WHISPERED. SHE TOOK IT FROM MY HANDS AND CRUMPLED IT; MAKING ALL THE LITTLE PIECES FLY AWAY IN THE WIND. WE BOTH WATCHED THE PIECES FLOAT AWAY. WE BOTH DIDN’T SAY MUCH AFTER THAT. WE BOTH KNEW. NO WORDS WERE NEEDED.

THE NEXT DAY I FOUND A NOTE THAT HAD BEEN SLIPPED THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR TO MY ARPARTMENT. TWO WORDS; THAT’S ALL I GOT. IN PERFECT LITTLE LETTERS READ,

i quit