Hi.
I already know what you’re going to say when you read this but I have to say it anyway, not for you but for me and any other boy who’s ever been on the precipice of saying something so important but has shied away from the edge. I know I’m not what you expected for yourself. I’m not a boy in a leather jacket looking to save you on a motorcycle, nor am I someone who needs to be saved. I’m not a prince and I’m not broken and I have probably never been looked at as unattainable. I’m relatively within reach of most girls, actually. I don’t have killer abs and I don’t memorize random Shakespearean quotes, I’m not the most athletic and, unfortunately for all of you extreme romantics, I actually have a very good relationship with my parents (don’t lie and tell me you’ve never envisioned yourself saving a boy from the endless suffering he’s encountered because of an abusive father). I haven’t saved the world yet nor do I plan to. But today in class I heard you describe your dream guy and I found myself shaking my head in frustration. You ignorant girl. You were saying how great it would be to meet a boy who has a hard exterior, an a*****e, but one who opens up to you about his horrible past and one who’ll trust you with his heart. Any guy who acts like an a*****e, no matter what troubles he’s encountered, is guaranteed to be an egocentric. What kind of person pushes his troubles off of himself and onto the world? Is that fair? As for me. I’ve told you that I’m not that guy you’re picturing. I’m not the first person you probably want to consider, but I think my track record speaks for itself. We’ve been friends for years. I’ve never left you or neglected you, I listen to your complaints and laugh at your jokes. What’s more, I do these things not because I want something in return, but simply because I like you. As a human being, as an individual. I’d say I love you, but I refrain because doing so would freak you out. But it’s true. I do. I watch your hair fall in front of your eyes and I melt inside, and when you look at me with a slight smirk, right before you say something utterly sarcastic to which I have no response, I have a tight feeling in my chest that if I don’t get you, I’ll never find happiness. We could be good together. Really good. Good enough that I’d change my life for you. You said once that you’ve always wanted to visit Europe, and it tore me up inside that I couldn’t personally bring you. That’s the job of someone else, a future person that will inhibit the area of your life that I once kept occupied. I need you, but not in the way the guy with the leather jacket who secretly cries at night needs you. I need you only to be exactly as you are. I don’t need you to change or sacrifice anything about yourself, any little part no matter how miniscule. I’m not asking you to give up your time to tend to my needs. I’m not selfishly expecting you to fix my problems. I just need your company. I need you to still smile when I say your name. I need you to keep writing down song lyrics in the car so you can look them up later. I need you to keep asking random questions, like “what would you do if you woke up tomorrow and you were a monkey?” Yeah, those types of questions. I need you to keep laughing that beautiful laugh of yours, but more importantly, I need you to keep laughing at yourself. That’s what really gets to me. The way you trip over a chair and die laughing, telling everyone within earshot to not mind you, you’re just being the typical freak that you are. Most importantly, I need you to keep letting me be the person you call at night. I need you to keep messing up my hair before you sit beside me and I need you, more than anything else in the world, to say you love me and to give your heart away to me, because I promise, if I were the lucky keeper of such a valuable thing, I would never take it for granted and I would never, ever let it go.