Maybe I was stupid for falling in love. Maybe I made a mistake, though I never feel like I did. I’m sorry for the things I’ve done, have done, and will do, but I’ll never be sorry for falling in love with my number one priority in life now.

In 1990, I met my best friend Tanya. She wasn’t skinny, she wasn’t fat. Her hair was the color of diluted dry mud. She had light brown eyes and freckles all over her face. We had the closest of relationships two young girls could have, no matter the circumstance, I was there for her.

She was in no way the trademark of purity. We were so different, but the idea of having one friend made me feel accepted, even if that friend was hated by a lot of other people. I felt I was being a good person whenever I stood up for her. I felt like I had someone close that wasn’t going to harm me. I was wrong.



“Emilia, I met someone,” she said to me one day.

“Who?” I asked.

“His name’s Jebidiah,” she giggled, her eyes glinting with happiness.

“Is that so?” I asked. I looked up from my book; she was sitting cross legged in front of me.

Squawking with laughter she said, “Yeah, he’s so handsome, too.”
I smiled at her. “Congratulations,” I said, “I hope it works out okay.”
“Me, too, I can’t wait for you to meet him, he’s so nice, smart, and oh my goodness, just so handsome,” She babbled on.
“Hey, I have to be home by six.” I said.
“Okay, see you later,” she smiled and I got up and walked away.
Naturally, she’d meet someone. That’s what always happens. I had always been jealous of her. She always got what she wanted. She was spoiled. I was her friend still, though.

The day came when I got to meet this Jebidiah. He was fairly tall, slender, blonde haired and blue eyed. He was so beautiful. I couldn’t imagine what he saw in Tanya. He could do a lot better.
He stared down at me and said, “Hello, I’m Jebidiah,”
“I’m Emilia, good to meet you,” I replied.
“Great to meet you too,” he flashed me a crooked smile, and continued to stare at me intently.
Tanya grabbed his hand and broke his concentration on me. “Come one, Jeb,” she said.
“I’ll see you guys later then,” I said as they turned to walk away.
Jebidiah looked over his shoulder and stared at me some more.

When I was getting ready for bed a couple nights later—Friday, I heard a light rasping at my bedroom window. As I walked over to it I saw a lanky figure there.
The tapping commenced once more and I opened the window slowly. Jebidiah stood there.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hello,” I whispered. “What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?” I asked in a hushed voice.
“Tanya showed me while she was showing me the town. And I had to see you again. I must tell you that you are one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I was wondering if I could take you out sometime, like tomorrow night.” He smiled.
“You’re with Tanya,” I said. “I can’t, she’s my best friend.”
“I don’t care, I have to be next to you,” He said and ducked through the window.
“I-I can’t, Jebidiah,” I said.
He grabbed my hand in both of his, “Please,” his blue eyes radiated through me.
“I-“ I was cut off by his kiss that caught me off guard, I barely knew him, but I kissed back, surprising myself. I felt like I belonged by him, too.
“Please?” he asked again once he pulled away.
“Fine, but… Tanya can’t find out,” I said.
He smiled and kissed my forehead, “Thank you,” he said and crawled back out the window.

The next night Jebidiah came to my door, I was wearing a white button up dress with yellow polka dots and white wedge heeled shoes. My red hair was pulled back into a curly mass on the back of my head.
He wore a black suit with a white tie.
He smiled at me and took my hand. “You look beautiful,” he said. As we began to walk down my driveway, I noticed a familiar figure. Tanya was stalking down the road.
“YOU!” She bellowed at the both of us. “You two-timing b******! You backstabbing b****! I thought you were my friend” she yelled at us.
“Tanya, I-I can explain,” I said.
“I don’t want to hear any more of your lies,” She screamed at me. She ripped off her necklace she’d been wearing since she met him—I’m guessing he gave it to her—and threw it at his head. “And you, you’re a complete cheating a**, and I hope you burn, I loved you, why would you do this to me?” She looked at him, her eyes welling over with tears.
“I don’t like you like that, Tanya, you’re more like a friend, and I think I love her.” He said.
“You barely know her!” She screamed at him.
“You barely knew me and you had sex with me the first night we actually started dating,” he said.
I looked at him, then to her, and then back up at him. “You had sex? With her?” I asked. I felt a twinge of nausea rise up in my stomach. She’d already had so many partners; I didn’t know what to think.
She walked up to me and got in my face, grinning in a demented sort of way, her hair was sticking out of its tight, pinned back curls. “The reason you can never get a boyfriend, is because you never give them what they want.” She growled at me.
“Th-the reason you can never keep a boyfriend is because you do,” I finally said something to her, after her years of complaining to me about guy after guy.
Her face contorted with anguish and she turned around and ran from in the other direction.
“Well, that went well,” Jebidiah said, turning toward me with a smile on his face.
I gave a short huffy laugh, “Yeah, I guess.” I looked down at my feet, “You did more than kiss her?” I asked, picking at my nails, and giving him short glances.
“Yeah, I regret it though, she told me that I was the one and that she wanted me to take her virginity, no way was she a virgin.” He said and took my hands in both of his. “But that shouldn’t matter, I usually don’t believe in love at first sight, but when I saw you, I knew there was something different than what I felt for her. You’re eyes are what got me.” He said and leaned down to kiss me. I had to stand on my tippy toes to kiss him back, but it was worth it.

Looking back on all that now, as my 55 year-old self, I can never find myself to regret betraying Tanya, because now I have two beautiful children and grandchildren that they gave me, and a husband, who still loves me as intensely as he did when we were 17. In time, though, Tanya and I at least got back to talking standards. She’ll never forgive me, yes, I believe somewhere deep down in myself that she really did love him, but I know what I feel and I wouldn’t want it any different.