"I messed up and everything is my fault." I had thought it so much that I realy did blame myself. I killed my boyfriend, I can say it now. No more lying, mostly because it was true, but also because lying to myself wasn't cutting it anymore. He was deployed to Kuwait and killed on the field.

"He didn't even say goodbye. I didn't even get to say goodbye. He just left." I managed to choke out. I had just recieved the news, and my bestfriend,Darian, was trying to comfort me.

"It's not your fault," Darian spoke softly. It was like she know what to say, but I didn't blame her. "He was just very confused. What happened with you and Eli," She paused. "well it wasn't your fault." I rolled my eyes, and Darian wipped my away my tears. It was my fault.

"It is. I turned him down. I turned him down when he proposed to me. I broke his heart. Don't you get it. He searched for months trying to find a way to get out of going to Kuwait, he finally found a way. I pretty much told him I wasn't going to marry him and he got upset and left. He left me, he thinks I don't love him. What kind of girlfriend was I?" I screamed.

"The good kind. If you would've said yes to his proposal then you would have been labeled the town sl**, because people only get married at seventeen when they are knocked up?" She asked.

"Virgin." I reminded her. She chuckled. I don't remember much of that night, just that it was the worst night ever. I knew one thing, Eli was gone, I was alone, and I was heart broken. Heart broken for many reasons. I was forced to go to the bank, and hear Eli's will. Not like I wanted anything, just his love, and that was gone, so was he. If I could see him again, just for a second, I would make sure he knew how I felt. But, I did get a letter. It read...



Dear Darcy,


If you're reading this then I guess I'm really gone. I don't expect your very happy right now, and I'm sure you don't want anything. I know you better then to think you are after my life savings, so the only thing I could think to give you was my heart. It is forever yours, and I'm always going to be watching over you. You cared and loved me more than anybody I've ever met. I'll never forget you Darcy Black.




I love you,





Eli <3




As I walked along side the railroad tracks dozens of thoughs were rushing through my mind. Eli, Darian, my deceased parents. Everything I had known and come to love was gone. Then it hit me, why don't I just get to it already. Everybody dies eventually, why not save myself from living the next fifty to sixty years in pain. Why don't I just end things. Right here, right now. But, I couldn't go, not without saying goodbye to the one person who really cared about me, Darian.

If I talked to her in person, she would try to stop me. I decided just to call her, to say it as soon as she answered. To tell her I loved her and none of this was her fault. She needed to know that I cared about her. That she meant the world to me as a bestfriend.

I held the phone to my ear waiting patiently for her to pick up. One, two, three rings went by and I was sweating like a horse. Four, five, then I was shocked by a sudden, "Hello?" It was Darian, of course.

"I'm sorry." I told her. "I can't live this way anymore,but I can't go without saying goodbye." I explained. Tears slowly ran down my face.

"What are you talking about?" She was concerned. As she should be. What was I suppose to say now? I didn't want to chicken out, and I didn't want her to worry.

"I need to be with him." I jumped as I heard the oncoming train blow it's horn and I knew she heard it too. "Please understand." I begged.

"No, don't. Your blowing your whole life away. Where are you?" She gasped. "I'm coming to get you." I could hear the raddle of the keys she held in her hand, and the door of her car slamming shut. "Answer me." she demanded. Everything was slowing down.

The train was closer now and I was still on the phone with Darian. She was stalling me, and I was letting her. "Damn it, Darcy. Please." She cried. I was so caught up in the moment, I hung up on her. I figured it wouldn't take her long to figure out that there was only one railroad in our small town. So, I had to hurry.

The train was almost to me. Should I say something before I leaped infront of it? Should I hold my breath, or take a deep breath? The train continued to blow it's horn as it approched me. I was crying now. But I needed to be with him. I waited until the train was about five feet from me. Then, I jumped. I remember seeing his face. But I wasn't in heaven, and I wasn't in hell. It was like he bumbed into me or pushed me out of the way. Or was Eli really there. I couldn't be sure because I hit my head on something hard.


"Are you crazy?" I heard his voice. I sat up to look around. Everything was white. He approched me, sparkling. "Why would you even attempt to kill yourself?" He demanded.

"Is that really you, Eli?" I asked. He rolled his eyes, as tears fell from mine.

"I promised you. I promised that I would always look after you. I am always going to be with you. Just not how it used to be. I'm always with you in your heart." I tried to speak, but he held his hand up as if he was kindly telling me to shut up. "I saved you tonight. Now when you wake up, you better live. Don't do this to yourself, okay? Promise me, right now, that you will live your life to the fullest." He commanded.

"I promise." I said as he walked over to me. I was sitting on warm white floor as he knelt down beside me.

"You need to move on, but never forget me." He earged. He leaned in and kissed me. Then I was awake.





"Darcy." I heard a faint voice cry. "Darcy, wake up." I realized it was Darian. She had found me, and was a nervous wreck.

"Ugh," I moaned in pain. My head felt like somebody went to town on me with a sledge hammor. "Where am I?" I asked.

"Are you stupid? You just tried to kill yourself." She was crying. "I watched you. I don't know what happened, but your seriously scaring the s*** out of me." She cried. I reached into my pocket and felt the diamond ring Eli proposed to me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm not crazy, just confused." I begged her not to say anything to anybody about what had happened that night. I explained to her everything that had happened from the letter, to seeing Eli, to his love saving me. Darian took me back to her place and refused to let me leave for months. Now everytime that I miss Eli, I put the diamond ring on my finger, because somewhere I know he is watching over me.