“Are you 18?” I can feel my heart thundering in my chest. Is this what a heart attack feels like? I hope it‘s not noticeable through my leather jacket. I take in what I can of the guard in that moment. Large is an understatement, probably lives in the gym and eats bunnies for breakfast. Yah he’s that scary. Tattoo of vintage pinup girl on the left bicep, hardcore, oh and lets not forget the sideburns that have taken refuge on his face. His beady eyes aren’t helping the nerves either. He can probably pick me up and toss me to Tokyo. I’m starting to have second thoughts. “Well?”

“Yes. I’m 18.” Beady sizes me up and chuckles, this is where I start panicking.

“Can I see some ID?” Oh no. Now he’ll eat me for breakfast. Great. I glance over my shoulder and see the group of girls I came with. All huddled in a little group watching me intently, all dressed in their sleeziest attire. I need to seriously rethink my choice in friends. Kelly anxiously waves her hand at me to get on with it. I stick my hand in my pocket and grab the twenty I stole from my mom’s wallet this morning. With all the confidence I can muster I raise the bill between my fingers.

“I’m 18.” the guard smiles and I see he’s also toothless. We can add pirate to the list. Awesome. He pockets the money to my great pleasure and opens the door for me.

“Princess.” I hate sarcasm. Except when I use it on people. Then its okay. Smiling like a total retard I step forward and spin to face the group of girls now staring in awe. I wink my heavily made up eye and blow them a kiss goodbye. I walk in to the hallway that leads behind the stage and walk towards the sound of music. I stand before the strung up beads that serves as a door and see the lights and movement beyond. I brace myself. I walk through and have to catch my breath.

The concert itself was no big deal. The venue was a little dive all the older kids liked to hang out in. Inner Sanctum was not a known band, at least not out in the real world. But here, in the suburbs they where a known element amongst us highschoolers. They played a couple songs, yelled a bit, got our blood flowing, but everyone knew the main attraction happened backstage.

Now that I’m here I see why. Inner Sanctum knows how to party. The place looks like a club, bar in the back serving drinks, DJ at the front blasting music, and of course the semi-blinding light show. My favorite part though, sarcasm intended, is all the dancing scarcely clothed girls on the dance floor moving in ways it would make any grandmother cry in shame.

Okay. I’m in. What the hell do I do now? I can feel the panic attack coming. A skuzzy guy comes out of nowhere and starts touching my face.

“Nice lipstick.”

“Ew.” Oh whoops. That wasn’t supposed to be said out loud. I move away and he topples to the nearest cube couch. No harm done, he’s drunk. Won’t remember a thing.

I scan the room looking for a place to just think. Couches everywhere. Oh god it looks like a mating dead. I’m going to barf. I cross all the way to the back of the room and try to blend in as much as I can. Perfect! A section of couches all pushed together to form a perfect square is empty. Large billowy curtains are sprung up all around. It’s out of the way and no one can see in. I don’t hesitate to plop in and lay down.

“I’m in way over my head.”

“Really? And why is that?” I spring up, ready to attack. There he is in the corner. Lead guitarist of Inner Sanctum, Demetrius. Sitting with his guitar in his hand completely out of the way.

“You’re Demetrius?” wow idiot! Why couldn’t I have said something witty and cute?

“Well that’s not polite or fair is it? I asked you a question you can’t answer with another question, and a pointless one if I might kindly point out. Me first, then you can ask whatever you like.” He flashes me a charming smile. I think I’m hallucinating. This can’t be happening. What do I say? I can’t tell him the truth.

“These shoes are way too uncomfortable to dance in.” First thing that popped into my head, I swear. He beckons me over and I sit down next to him.

“Take ‘em off then. Life’s better when you don’t have to worry about sore feet.”
He lifts up his bare feet and I can’t help but smile. He raises his eye brows and I remove my shoes. Instantly I feel better, even though they weren’t really a problem before.

“Much better right?” He smiles at me and I notice he has a slight English accent. Demetrius has a British accent, how many other girls get close enough to actually know that! Oh, wait duh. Probably like a few thousand.

“I believe its my turn to ask a question now.” Demetrius nods.

“What is the lead guitarist of a rock band doing sitting all by his lonesome self at his own after party?”

“First of I’m not by myself am I? You’re right next to me. And second I’m not lonesome if I choose to be here like this.” I decide to rephrase.

“Why do you choose to be then?” He studies my face. I blush. After a second (an eternity) of scrutiny, I guess he decides I’m really interested.

“My idea of fun isn’t the same as the rest of my band. I don’t want fame and fortune and I don’t need to sleep with a different girl after every show to feel like I’m alive. For me I play my guitar and I jut feel like-”

“Like It’s a part of you, that no one can touch you, and that no one will ever quit understand you like that guitar.” He looks at me in awe. I have no idea where that came from. All I know is he understands like millions of others don’t. “I play. Nowhere near as good as you, but that isn’t important to me.” His face softens and he starts to laugh. I lean back. Was that total bullshit? Does he think I’m just some idiot now?

He laughs again and something glints in his eye. He reaches with his hand, grabs my face and kisses me. My eyes widen in surprise. His press against mine, but not in an eager forceful way. I close my eyes and kiss him back, his lips perfect and smooth. He withdraws for a second, my eyes still shut, and begins leaving a trail of kisses down my neck until my lips find his again. I wrap my arms around him, he slips his finger under my blouse and for some crazy reason I allow it.

It feels better then any other kiss I’ve had for some reason. Some how truer, like it’s just right. His kisses become more rapid, more determined now. I could feel it all the way in the tips of my toes, in the very marrow of my bones. My hands trail down his stomach and hover, a whole strange new territory, a new world. Do I dare venture in it? I need to stop. This isn’t the way things should play out. I brake loose breathing heavily.

“What’s - what’s wrong? Did I do something? I’m sorry if-”

“No It’s okay it’s just, I’m not 18. I’m 16. Just turned it actually. This was all just some stupid dare I should’ve never walked into.” I’m scared to look up, scared to see the hatred, the judgment and disappointment in his eyes. But when I look up that’s not what I see. My face twists in confusion.

“I knew there was something off. Enlighten me, why are you here?” He doesn’t seem too mad.

“This was all some stupid dare. We came to see the concert but no one was really having any fun so, it’s my birthday, they volunteered me. They made a bet, said that there was no way I could get backstage. I just wanted to prove them wrong, I didn’t mean for it to go this far.” I look down sullenly, feeling dirty and stupid.

“I wasn’t going to do anything. You don’t have to worry. Wanna know a secret? I’m 17.” There was no way. He looked so much older!

“But still you’re in the band. You can have any girl, why did you kiss me?”

“I told you, I wasn’t going to do anything and I’m not interested in having fifty different girls. All I care about is my music right now. I kissed you because you understand that, and I’m glad you have enough self respect to no when something’s gone too far. You proved me right.” I cant help it, but I’m smiling. He grabs my bag searching through it and taking it out. Then he leans over and kisses me again. Click.

“Happy Birthday. Give them something to really talk about.” I grab the phone gladly and stand up to leave. “Wait!” I turn around and he grabs a sharpie from his pocket. He scribbles something on my jeans. “If you ever want to talk. And in case that’s too subtle, call me tomorrow. I wanna know your name.” He winks and starts to play guitar. Somehow I know I’m different, that I’m above stupid games. I may not be 18, but now I feel like I can really make choices for myself. After all this is my life, and I wont forget it. I walk to the beaded door way and then out to my friends. The tingle of Demetrius’ kisses still warm on my lips.