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Pinky Promise
"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice gentle with pain. I kept my gaze locked on the floor, fighting the urge to cry."Please, look at me," he begged, brushing his hand under my chin. I bit my lip, forcing myself to do so. No longer were his eyes depths of chocolate brown spinning with green. They were dull, but sorrowful. So sorrowful. Nothing needed to be said when I hugged his broad shoulders. A few tears slipped, but I wiped them away before he saw. He was doing this for a good reason. In a way, I was proud of him. Maybe not of picking his country over me, but either way, he was going to be gone. Far away, over the salty sea where I could only imagine what he ws doing without his hand slipped through my own. "Hey," he softly said, tender hand running over my cheek."I'm going to be fine. I pinky promise." He humored me, wrapping his large pinky finger around my own. I managed to pull up my lips up in a smile and squeezing my pinky against his. Gingerly, he kissed his cool lips on my finger. That's when I almost lost it, broke down completely. I didn't have time to cry when his lips intertwined with my own, the kiss it's own firework. For a moment in time, I felt perfect, as nothing could break me. Dread bleached my blood when I saw his camoflauge outfit disappear with the others. Not all promises can be kept.
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This article has 6 comments.
Well, seeing as though war-torn romance is one of my favorite types of writing, I'll start with the gushing praise. :)
I like your word choice, and I also like the emotions you put into this. Sounds a lot like how my mom feels when my dad deploys. Very nice. :) A also like that you made her fittingly upset, but not one of those whiny cliche girls who totally freak out and have a major hissy. lol Lastly, I like how you left off, leaving the character and the reader teetering on the edge of the tragic uncertainty that is war. :)
Now for the critique. You need to space this out better - block style + intense emotion = overwhelming. Also, I don't really like the bit about the sea - it's just a tad confusing. :) Lastly, just make sure and polish it up.
Overall, very nice. Good job! :D