“Beep beep beep” the munchkins said with there high pitched voices. “Beep Beep Beep” they wouldn’t stop. “Beep Beep Beep” it was horrible bringing back the memories I had tried so hard to forget. Now I was spinning through I tunnel of darkness and the faces of the munchkins kept popping up and beeping at me, then, his face, the one person I could not bear to see then the voices “he is gone, I am so sorry for your lose” I tried to block It out but then the beeping started again “beep beep beep” I couldn’t help but scream then I realized it was all a dream and the beeping was just my pink hand-me-down alarm clock from my seven year old cousin.


It happened a year ago today April 13, 2009, the day of his birthday and the` day before mine he was so happy to be fifteen and as much as I hate to admit it so was I. But my fifteenth birthday turned out to be the worst birthday of my life every where I turned
Someone was standing there practically throwing it in my face. “Happy birthday Jenna, I’m so sorry for your loss” or “happy birthday, don’t feel too bad” how can someone say that “don’t feel too bad.” I mean it’s my fifteenth birthday and I am spending it in the hospital hoping the doctors can keep my best friend alive, of course I feel bad. The day after he died his mom had him cremated and two days after he died I had a mini urn with ashes of my best and only friend.


We met 6 years ago when he moved onto our street from Louisville, Kentucky. He had the funniest accent so nobody would talk to him at school but I was the weird girl so nobody talked to me either so I went over to him and said “Hey, I’m Jenna, I really like your accent” and he said “hi Jenna don’t I live down the street from you?” and believe it or not he did. From that day on we walked to and from school together hung out after school and on the weekends. When middle and high school rolled along we went to the parties together, cut class together, we were so close if one of us got in trouble the other one would take the blame. We were like two peas in a pod, people thought of us as one we were Josh and Jenna, not just Josh, and Jenna. If you wanted to be friends with him you get me to. We were the best of friends we did everything together. With out him I was lost I stayed at his house for a month after he died I didn’t go to school I just stayed with his mom grieving and missing but eventually we all have to forget about the past and look forward to the future. I would have never thought I could go trough a year with out him. After he died I started hanging back, I got involved with a bad crowed, my grades started slipping, and my attitude got worst. Everyone was nagging me to do better so I blocked them out I got involved with bad drugs I started staying out later and getting involved with worse and worse people I started stealing jewelry, money, and valuables from my mom to pay for the pills. Eventually she found out and sent me to rehab I spent 4 months there it was horrible but when I was finished I realized how bad the drugs made me look, and feel they weren’t helping me
get through this they were just making me deny it. I needed to accept the fact that he was gone and he wasn’t coming back. He got hit by a car and died. It is the cold hard truth. I loved him and he left, I would never see him again.

I walked over to my window sill where I kept the part of his ashes that were for me I held the urn to heart and repeated the words me and Josh had said so many times “you’re my friend and that is true, but the gift was given from me to you. We went through moments that were good and bad, even moments that were happy and sad. You supported me when I was in tears, we stuck together when we were in fear, it’s really sad that it had to be this way, but it has reached its very last day. Life or death can’t keep us apart, 'cause you'll always be in my heart.” I kissed the urn, opened it, and threw his ashes into the wind. “Goodbye Josh I will always love you.”