My class walks through the gym to the bleachers. The old volleyball net is pinned up between the poles on either side of it. Our whole grade has come to see this event. The event YOU are in. You are on one of the teams that will be playing in front of us. I tried to convince my teacher I had to go to the bathroom, so I wouldn’t have to watch this. I couldn’t watch you, I couldn’t look at you, and I didn’t want to be this close to you. I was on the other side of the gym, but I could feel the connection between us, and it was too close. I was too close to you after all I had gone through. All the pain and the tears and the pressure and the sadness. I had gone through WAYYY too much to see you stand in front of me, surrounded by your teammates. And the worst part, you were smiling. You were smiling and laughing and watching me, sitting on the wooden, splintering bleachers. Your glare was burning a hole right through me, and I could feel the intense heat that was supposed to scar me. The selfishness of you. I couldn’t believe it. You flashed that flirty smile at me and I pretended to ignore it. Oh, so you want me now? You want me? Or are you just trying to make fun of me. That’s it, isn’t it? You never let it slip by you. The moment you knew about my little crush, I was doomed. You told all your friends, all your acquaintances and all those people who you know. Years past by and as the years aged, so did I. I grew out of my stupid little crush on you, I shed that off of me and I shed my old self, with an older one. My little crush on you, you never let go. You will never let me live that down and now, now I have to live with you smiling and laughing at me, as if you like me. You just do that to annoy me. And that annoyance from you is making me crazy. It used to make me crazy in love, but now its crazy and chaotic.



The letters of your name are scribbled onto the back of your plain white T-Shirt. The shirt that fits your muscles so perfectly. I used to think that was cute, but now I think of it as weird and ugly. The volleyball is suddenly served upward, as my classmates and I watch, and you hit it with your fist. I secretly hope that it will swerve around and hit you in the face, but it doesn’t, because you are an EXPERT at volleyball. I know, from all those times I watched you and sighed in admiration and love.

Now, I look up at the scoreboard, hoping to make time move quickly. But, my silent cries for help are unheard. Then, you look over at me. I can feel your selfish stare skim across my eyes and then I let my eyes slowly come up. I meet your gaze and then I look back down again. I cannot look at you. I do not want to have anything to do with you.




The ball is flying through the air now and I watch as you attempt to hit it in the other direction. To my surprise, your hand skims the ball and it smashes into your stomach. Haha, not so much of an expert now, are ya? I giggle as I watch your eyes search for me. You find me and your eyes are sparkling as you look into mine. I am still angry with you for all the pain you made me go through but for one moment I forget about it. You smile and wink at me as I laugh. Then, you slam the volleyball down onto the ground and make an annoyed expression. I won. The ball hit you so I won this silent battle we had been fighting. Or so I thought.




After a couple more minutes, the score was tied 5-5. You needed to get this point. I was hoping that you would mess up again, just for my satisfaction, just so I would be the one to laugh for once. I felt you glance up at me again, and my anger returned. Why were you doing this? This was the most selfish thing you could do, and you chose to do it. Everyone’s eyes were pinned upon your team; my eyes were pinned upon everyone, except for you. I wouldn’t dare to look at you, you had almost caused me to fall for you again in that moment, our eyes had met but I would not hear of it. I will not fall for you. I have gone through too much to go back to all of my years tripping over you. I promise that I will never be so stupid as to fall for you, ever again.




My eyes were glazed over in fury as I stared at you. The ball flew through the air, over the top of the net and your teammates scurried to get it. You muttered, “Wait, I got it,” and you stepped into the line where the ball was headed. I watched in dismay as you swung your hands up and touched the ball skillfully. It soared back over the net and caught my friends on the other team by surprise. It was a perfect serve, there was no way they could have saved it or stopped you from scoring. Your team had won the game. Everyone high-fived and slapped each other on the back. You were smiling as everyone applauded you. You glimpsed up at me and you smiled playfully and triumphantly. I stuck my tongue out in irritation. You waved to me and I feel the outraged red flush approach my face. I am still glancing at you as I suddenly observe that you are making your way up the bleachers. Your eyes are set on me and the look in them isn’t rage, but almost longing.




I quickly look away as you make your way up the stands. I busy myself with talking to my friends. We start a conversation, but my ears are not paying attention to them, they are listening to your soft footsteps rapidly climbing...