I'm looking out of my window. My view is rather bleak. All I see is ice harshly placed around my street and the weather doesn't seem to be getting any better neither. If only I was in Jason's position. My window would show a bright sun smiling at me whilst being wrapped up in the most amazing shade of blue. A rainbow would be brightening my sky whilst the birds would be chirping in approval. But most importantly, my days would NEVER feel empty and cold. I would be living my dream.

For days now I have been attempting to put my plan in action. This may suprise you what I am about to say because it sure suprised me! I feel it's the ONLY way I can get Charlotte back into my life. I am going to stand up for myself for once. I am going to be a man, not a mouse. I am going to challenge Jason to a duel when I next catch him on his own ..... not that that is often mind you! I know I've only taken a few lessons in fencing and he's an expert but if I miraculously manage to impress her with my courage and win over the respect of my peers for at least trying, I will feel like the winner of the match. I better start practising though! I've got to graduate from hopeless disaster to at least amateaur!
****


I've not seen that boy in a while since he saw me with 'Jesse' together. He has not been in English Literature for ages. There are rumours that he's left school. There are also other rumours suggesting he's so smart he has been placed in the closest university, but that's just ridiculous! 'Jesse' is also causing a lot of problems in my life. He keeps pushing me to have sex with him and keeps taunting me by telling me that all cool people have sex and I must not love him if I am not willing o do this for him. I have amost gave in a few times just so he would stop asking me. But fortunately, my pride got the better of me. I've looked at my mom's drink cupboard a few times wondering if I should numb the pain this way. One night I finally egged myself on and drunk a good bit of my mom's vodka. Yeah I know really really dumb, right? But these days my head hasn't been where it's supposed to be. I bet you are wondering why I'm still with 'Jesse' if I love this boy, aren't you? Well the truth is I can't face being picked on again in yet another school. High school in American was hard enough when you were known as 'the new kid'. Nobody would want to make the first move to talk to me so I felt I had to force myself to be like everyone else just to fit in. Anyway, i've got to go meet 'Jesse'. I really hope he doesn't pressurise me again!

****

I do not think I have felt so tired in my entire life. I've been practising my fencing non-stop at the nearest gym hall which just so happens to run a fencing class there. I could not bare to use the school's facilities as I haven't been to school for a long time. I just can't face it. My mum is too busy to notice anyway with her nursery and all, so I just 'pretend I am going to school then I go for a wonder around town and then I go back home around the end of school time. I know this will ruin my attendance and effect my career when I am older, but I feel I will have no future anyway without her. Tomorrow I will have to. I will have to face the music. I will have to talk to Jason.

****

I saw that boy today! But ironically, I don't know if that's a good thing or not. You see, he appeared to only be going into school to ask 'Jesse' to have a fencing match. I didn't think he had to show the world he was something worthy. I mean, he hasn't got a hope against 'Jesse'! I'm the only one that has EVER bet him, EVER. But even then when I bet him, he took it real bad. He didn't talk to me for a week afterwards! But what makes it worse for that boy is, 'Jesse' is jealous of him. Remember when I looked at that boy before and then 'Jesse' instantly planted a kiss on my lips? I rest my case! You see, I know 'Jesse' can be real mean when he's jealous. I guess it's just his way of hiding his feelings. I've decided that i'm going to try and persuade this boy not to go through with it. I've also got to tell him how I truly feel before its too late!

****
Doomsday is here. Why did I have to be so dumb? I can't do this! I CAN'T DO THIS! Jason thought he would make me feel even more uncomfortable by inviting the WHOLE school to view my embarrasment. I HATE HIM SO MUCH! ARGGHH! I'm going to embarras myself in front of the whole school and I don't know if I can cope with any more hassle from any student at my school. I am now seriously considering phoning my school and saying i'm sick. But I guess i'll get called a 'scaredy cat' if I don't at least try to beat him. I now know the saying 'love is blind' is quite true indeed! I deteste my life soooo much.

****

Today, my heart felt like it had forgotten to beat. 'Jesse' made the whole school view this fencing drama! I tried real hard to find that boy before the fight. But unfortnately, I had no such luck. However, I managed to stand up to 'Jesse' before hand and told him how I felt. He was livid! He locked my in the janitor's office so nobody would be supporting that boy. What a loser! I hard a stream of laughs coming from the hall as I sat in the office which looked as if it hadn't been touched since the 1960s. What had I done? Just because I was too afraid to tell my real feelings to that boy.
I started banging on the door and howling at the top of my voice, "GET ME OUTTA HERE!"
Luckily for me, the janitor was approaching the office and he heard my pleas.
" Get outta 'ere, kid!", he exclaimed as he allowed my eyes to see the bright light once again. As soon as he said this, I sprinted as fast as I could to the gym hall.

I was too late. The fight had already began. I spoke from my heart before my head could register what was going on and I screamed "STOPPP!!".
All of my fellow students looked round at me. To tell you the truth I wanted to run away at this point, but my heart must have a voice in this world.
"WE'RE BUSY! GET LOST, OKAY?", 'Jesse' angrily spoke with a very disturbing look in his eyes.
"You don't have to do this. Who cares what people think of you? You should only care about those who love you. Like me", I lovingly spoke to the boy.
Why didn't I speak my feelings sooner? Damn, I would of saved a lot of worry and hassle if I knew I could come up with corny lines like that!
He dropped his fencing sword. The whole gym hall went silent. 'Jesse' tried to act like he had no idea what was going on.
" I .... I ..... I love you too. I .... I had no idea you felt this way about me.", that boy stuttered whilst looking at the floor.
"Jason should of been stood up to a long time ago!" a crowd member anonymously voiced.
After this was spoken. The whole hall repeated in several times in a chant. "JASON IS A COWARD!" (This includes 'Jesse's ' so-called friends!)
Jason didn't know what to do. He looked around the hall and the next thing you knew, he was gone.
"WHEEEYY!!", everyone cheered happily! It was a great site I must add!
While everyone was cheering I walked up to the boy and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. He looked up at me and smiled the most beautiful smile i've ever seen. He put his arms around me and whispered in my ear, "thank you, you've changed my life forever."
This was without a doubt, the most memorable amazing day of my life. I adore life! I guess this is a lesson for me in life: always speak your heart because you never know, the person you love may love you back. Also, I have learned that you can change a lot in life if you put your mind to it.

****
Today was firstly the worst day of my life, but it then became the most beautiful, amazing day of my life. How ironic! Anyway, I was running late for the fight. I panicked thinking that 'Jesse' would think that I was being a 'scaredy cat' and couldn't face up to him. I ran like I never ran before, I was smothered in sweat and my hair seemed to have a mind of its own. But I finally got there. All I heard was laughter as I entered the hall of death. I couldn't see Charlotte anywhere! I hoped the ground would swallow every tiny bit of me up, but no such luck!
"Look everyone! The loser actually turned up!" Jason laughed as if he was the greatest comedian in the world.
This wasn't going to damage my performance. I placed my metal mask over my head and pulled out my sword.
" EN GARDE!", I shouted back as my response.
"If you say so, kid!", chuckled Jason as he drew his sword.

I was just about to try to jab Jason when I heard "STOPPP!".
There she was. The one I adored. I couldn't believe it when she said she loved me. I love her sooo much! I could not believe it, people started even sticking up for me for once! I could not believe it was popular, 'cool' Jason who got defeated, not me. I thought I was dreaming so I pinched myself slyly whilst I stared at the floor. Nope. I wasn't dreaming! I secretly prayed to god in my head for what he had done for me. It was about time things started to go right for me! I thought hearing "I love you" from Charlotte could be the best thing I ever heard! But she continued to suprise me by whispering soflty in my ear "thank you, you've change my life forever". I don't know what I did, but i'm glad I made her smile. It makes a change that I have made someone smile that's for sure! She deserves all the happiness in the world. I hope we remain happy for years to come.