This night. I could not believe it was happening. I chuckle softly into the night at how spontaneous everything was. 

Would it be totally spontaneous if I kissed you?

The room was silent except for the birds in the night. We heard them fine their melodies through the window.

He reassured me that there was no pressure when I hesitated. 

Yeah, okay. I shuffle just a bit so I am facing him. 

He leans in and places his hand on my chin and slowly pulls me towards him. His hand was warm, I could feel his pulse, fast, faster. A rush of panic from never being in this position before made me stutter ‘Wait, wait, wait.’

He lets go and I pull back a little. 

Sorry. I apologise, I’ve never done this before. Hang on, give me a minute hahaha. I reach forward and give him a tight hug.

It’s okay.

You just go for it? 

Yeah. There’s nothing you can do. 

We face each other. The tension strung tight like a rubber band stretched. Waiting for the let go. The rhythm of our breaths, like the rolling waves of the ocean.

Do you want to try again? He says, looking into my eyes. A sparkle in his pupil. Oh D.

Okay, I breathe.

Gently, he places his hands on my chin and pulls me closer. Our mouths open ajar. How natural. Like he said, you just go for it because your body knows the way. Gravitating towards each other until there is only space for a breath. Our lips brush. Softly. He imprints his with a little pressure and gives me a little space, looking into my face.

Was that okay?

Yeah, that was my first. 

The intensity of our eye contact was like those of two rival fighters preparing for the final battle. Or, of lovers drawing out time to swim in each other's brown chocolatey pupils. He kisses the top of my head. 

That feels nice,  I smile. 

Will it be okay if I kiss you again? 

I nod my head, feeling the blood warming my cheeks, pulsating. Not that I was not already blushing. The night just made us colour blind. We edge towards one another. Our warmth radiating.

I have no idea what I am doing, I whisper. 

That’s okay, close your eyes, he says, sliding his arm towards me on the sofa and his other reaching to tuck a loose strand behind my ears. I quiver at his touch. We lean in, simultaneously. Our lips find each other in the dark. Magnetic. He leads, pressing his mouth so his lower lips fall between my lips. Our lips ripen. I could not have seen it but they would have darkened and lightened as the pressures and lengths adjusted. He kisses my top lip and I kiss his lower lip. Seamless transitions until I am out of breath. Breathless we release our interlock and wrap our arms around our necks. 

And you told me you’ve never done this before?!

I laugh, pulling him into an embrace. We stayed like this until I remember, this was not how it went. Our lips never touched. We never tried again. Only on Messenger almost three weeks later did we confess what we wished we did.