My mom told me a story when I was 10 years old about a girl named Zhu Yingtai who wanted to study at a school that was for all boys. Eventually, her parents let her go to the school where she met a boy named Liang Shanbo and had an instant connection. I always thought that was dumb and it was a myth. 

“Mama, this is just some old fairy tale. All of this is just stupid.” I said to her. 

She kept going though. She said they became best friends and Yingtai felt like she could be herself around him. People grew suspicious of her though and she left the school only to find out she was going to be married to another boy. When she visited Shanbo he asked for the brother but looked into her eyes and saw the person he always loved. 

“Mama. That never happens in real life.” I whined. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because,” she said softly with her eyes softening up and her voice becoming softer. “I want you to know this feeling and appreciate it. Now let me continue.”

Shanbo asked Yingtai to marry her which I would have said no if I was her because I could easily live my life, but that isn’t what happened. Shanbo got rejected because Yingtai had to listen to her parents and soon Shanbo fell ill and knew he would die, but Yingtai only asked him to burn incense in front of his tomb if he really loved her. On the day of Yingtai’s wedding, she went to his tomb to burn incense and suddenly a lightning bolt shot through the tomb and Yingtai jumped into the hole. 

“Why mama?” I remember asking. “Why would she do that?”

“Because, it’s love, Yingtai,” she told me. She called me Yingtai after the girl. 

 When her parents tried to save their daughter, two butterflies appeared from the stone. Now Yingtai and Shanbo could be side by side forever. 

“She was being rude,” I said. 

“What do you mean?” she asked me. 

“What is that other boy was her true love and not Shanbo? She risked her life for love. I’m telling you, Mama, love is not always good.”

“When you fall in love, you’ll know. You just do,”

…

I’m 16 now. I’m going to be married to what my Papa calls “a humble prince.” I’m not allowed to marry anyone else unless I want our empire to fall. 

“Do it for mama,” he said to me. “She would be so proud!”

“Hold still,” my maid told me, snapping me out of the past. “If I make one mistake your father will send me off!”

“Sorry, Mey…” I mumbled. 

“Are you excited about the new prince?”

I bobbed my head because I knew if I shook my head from side to side, my father would never forgive me. It was 2 hours until the wedding, but I barely knew the prince. He would send me tulips and gems every week and tell me how my eyes sparkled like a sapphire, but that was it, nothing more or nothing less. 

Time flew by and a 1 turned to 2 which would soon turn into a 3. 

“Go to your room for a while,” Papa said. “Go relax for a while.”

But, I couldn’t because I didn’t love him. Truth was, I loved someone else, but I was too afraid to say anything because my voice and my opinion weren’t valid where I lived. I was told to smile, nod, wave, and compliment everyone at least three times. 

“Yingtai!” I heard a whisper from my balcony. It was Shanbo, the knight who I knew since birth. His mother told him the same story my mother told me and he told me that one day he would find his Yingtai, but whenever he did I would blush around him telling him my skin was overheating from the sun. We would go around the garden and watch the swans at the lake and we even planted our own tree that was now a beautiful cherry blossom. His milky, brown eyes always shined with curiosity, and looking into them always made me feel like I was in another world. 

“Y-yes?” I replied back. 

“Look what I found!” he waved an envelope back in forth, “it’s from your mom!”

“WHAT! Give it to me!” I was shocked he had something like this. He threw it up to me where I could see the name in cursive, imprinted in gold.

“I have to go now. I don’t want to get in trouble!” He winked back at me, making me turn all shades of pink. Oh Shanbo, I thought to myself, if only we could turn into butterflies.

I picked up the letter, carefully placing it between my delicate fingers. It said only a few words that startled me. It said: Yingtai, you are about to get married now. Make the right choice, I trust you. But, what was the right choice? I had to marry him to uphold my family's honor and I couldn’t be selfish and turn away from Shanbo last minute since the wedding was starting in 45 minutes. I was the only child so I had to do this, I couldn’t be selfish.

“Yingtai, you need to be selfish once in a while. It’s not always a bad thing.” my mother's words echoed in my head. I couldn’t marry him because even living out in the forest by myself would be better than him. I had to tell Shanbo even if he denied me, even if I lived to regret it, I can’t stop thinking about what could have been. Not now. Not here. But while I was in my world of thoughts, I didn’t realize my father was opening my door. I shoved the letter in my drawer and looked into the mirror, pretending I was fixing my hair. 

“It’s time, Yingtai.” my father said, “Mama would be so proud.”

Our walk down the hall was silent and there was an overwhelming feeling of tension in the air, surrounding us. But still, my mother's words were screaming in my ear, overplaying, “make the right choice.” I will mama, not for you, or papa, or anyone, but for me. 

“Papa…I have to use the restroom…” I mumbled, breaking the silence. 

“Oh! Of course, go quickly and come back on time,” he replied back. 

 I rushed to the other side, knowing I could never turn back. Please, Mama, I thought, if you can see me, and if your spirit is really here, please make Shanbo love me. 

I rushed outside to find Shanbo startled at how a dainty lady like me was now roughed up, hair everywhere, and her tiara crooked. 

“Yingtai! What happened?” he exclaimed. 

“Shanbo,” I huffed, trying to make myself breathe normally, “I-” I couldn’t say it because that's how words worked. Even a few could start a war, a few could lead to death, happiness, sadness, suicide even, and I didn’t want to know where the next few words would lead me to next. But, my mother’s words were still in my head, “make the right choice.” And, I completed my sentence, “I love you, Shanbo.”

Mama, I thought to myself, I did it. I hope you heard me. But, she wasn’t the only one who heard me. 

“Yingtai,” Shanbo whispered, “I love you too…”

“Yingtai!” I heard my father yell. He saw it. He saw everything. 

…

Mama, I hate this, I wanted to yell up at the sky. Father killed Shanbo and I’m standing here next to a man I don’t even know. Please help me, Mama, help me. 

“Make the right choice” beamed into my head and I did something I knew I would have never done. Not in a million years. I ran off, just like that, in a snap my legs jolted off pushing me away from the castle. 

“Yingtai! Get back here right now!” I could hear my father scream but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to run away, run away from the fear of this forced love, run away from my overpowering father, run away from the place where Shanbo died, but mostly I wanted to run away from the life I had. My life was always planned out like a cake, perfectly decorated and baked, and when it was time, I had to hold on to that cake. But this time, I chose to drop it, and make my own cake. It may not be an elegant one but one that I want. 

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING, YINGTAI!” I heard my father scream, “DO NOT FAIL OUR FAMILY! DO NOT BE SELFISH!” I could hear his voice catch up to me but it was too late, I reached the end of the cliff and we were face to face. 

“Yingati,” my father was breathing heavily. “What…are…you…doing?”

“You can’t do this to me, father.”

“Your mother-”

“You know nothing about my mother.”

“What will you do now, Yingtai? There is no turning back now. Once you get to know the prince you will be happy and in love…I can assure you that.”

“You know nothing about love…and I know exactly what I’m going to do.”

I stepped to the edge of the cliff, where the water was thrashing against the rocks, and held out my arms like an eagle. “Oh yes, I know exactly what I’m going to do now…”

“YINGTAI, NO!” my father screamed. And just like that, I flew off the cliff, soaring into the air, falling to the sea. It felt like I was flying, even though my dress was tightly on my skin, I felt so free like I could be a bird and soar anywhere I want. I muffled out my father's screaming and closed my eyes until I could feel the water pushing me down slowly and I could feel my breath shortening by the minute. Shanbo, I thought to myself, Shanbo this is it. I’ll be with you forever, this is the hole I am falling through, just like the story. My breath was gone and I felt like I was about to die. “Shanbo,” I whispered in the water, “we can be butterflies forever.”

My eyes opened, with white lights surrounding me and I knew I was dead, but Shanbo’s face was still clear. “Yes, we can, Yingati,” he said, “We can be butterflies for as long as you’d like.”