The ground was six hundred feet away from him. The wind blew with such wonderful ferocity that Henry believed he could step off the edge of the building and fly away on the breeze. He blinked and was reminded of the bustling city below him. There was a woman down there who was on her way to her first date with the man she had been pining over for a year. She had finally worked up the courage to ask him out and she had chosen her most effective dress. It was effective, of course, because of the low dip between her breasts and the breezy hemline which kept it on the casual side of sexy.
Henry thought of this woman and the only thing that could be standing between her and the perfect first date: his brain splattering across the sidewalk. They would shut down the entire street for hours, the paramedics would have to collect all of his pieces, some poor man would have to hose his blood off of the cement. And the woman would be too traumatized to go on her date, probably calling the man of her dreams to cancel. She would shove that perfect dress to the back of her closet and try to forget. And why? Because some selfish asshole decided to off himself in a public place. His feet didn’t move.
Henry was afraid of two things, and death wasn’t one of them. In his eyes, dying was simply another option he could take, the failsafe. An option that was looking more and more appealing as the days went on. He was however, afraid of silence and the idea of making someone else feel the sadness he feels. The former keeps him from moving out of New York City while the latter prevents him from stepping off the ledge. The wind tapered off the moment before she spoke.
“What are you doing up there?”
****
The blow was blinding and followed by the pain. She fell to the ground and landed on the outdated shag carpeting. He was standing over her, all rage and hatred and full of empty strength. He was screaming at her which she couldn’t hear, but she could see the veins that spread across his forehead like a disease. Jamie looked back at the carpet and focused on it to keep the world from tilting underneath her. She ran her fingers through the coarse material and studied it. Why haven’t we had this torn out yet? She thought, suddenly resenting it. Why have we held onto it for so long?
Eric was hauling her to her feet now and she saw the anger beginning to subside in his eyes. He was holding her now, pressing her to his chest and stroking her hair.
“Baby, baby, please forgive me. I shouldn’t have done that, I just had a bad day at work and I wanted to have food ready when I got home.” he pulled her away and looked into her eyes which had long since dried, “You can understand my frustration, can’t you?” Jamie felt herself nod in response and Eric collapsed against her, kissing her stomach, her waist, her hips. “Thank you, thank you baby.” he murmured to her between kisses.
She remembered the day they buried her father in the ground. The edges of the grave were shaped perfectly, the corners were stark and squared amongst the curved lines of the rest of the landscape. Jamie wanted to laugh in that moment. As if death had square edges. As if her father’s life had ended at the right time. As if he had lived his life that way and not as a mismatched, f***ed up, imperfect medley. She most certainly did laugh. She giggled and cackled and howled at her father’s grave. She laughed long after receiving the horrified looks from her relatives. She laughed long after Eric had turned her away and walked her inside. She laughed until the whole wretched day was over, and she hadn’t stopped since. 
Eric lived that loss with her. He would come in and find her under her blanket of sadness and he would crawl in beside her. Jamie didn’t have to forget with him, she could remember it all. The smell of cigar smoke that clung to her father’s coat, his kind eyes that always worked to find the best in people. Her father accepted Eric and believed he was a good man.
She remembered the first time he hit her. It was her fault after all, she had gotten in the way. She kept prying and asking about what was wrong and why he was so angry. Since that day, she had done nothing but get in the way of his fist. Now the sound was fully restored in her right ear and Eric was asking her if she could stay home from work.
“What do you think? Spend the whole day in bed with me. You deserve the time off after everything you do for that company.” he was still holding her, his voice soft and familiar.
She finally found the courage to open her mouth and speak, “No, there’s something I need to do today. I’m not sure why I’ve been avoiding it.” Her voice sounded jarring and out of place in the quiet room. Jamie stood to finish dressing and put on her shoes with a brisk methodism. She brushed her teeth and then her unkempt auburn hair. She looked at the fresh wrinkles that now sprawled across her face like a road map that no longer had a direction. She worked the concealer onto her skin where a bruise was beginning to form. She kissed Eric goodbye, closed the door behind her and didn’t stop for anything.
The city was alive with color and the beginning of summer. Children were running through the park or sitting on porches, letting ice cream drip down their chins. Patterned beach towels dominated the grass as a myriad of people laughed and read and kissed in the morning sun. Jamie walked past men who tried to shove flyers into her hand. She walked past two women who were looking at their reflections in a window. One was wiping lipstick off of her unnaturally white teeth while the other was running a hand through her hair, whining about needing more volume.
Jamie walked until the familiar office building loomed over her. In the elevator, she didn’t press the button for her usual floor, but instead pressed the top floor and rode all the way up in silence. The doors split open and she found the stairway at the end of the hallway which led to the roof, passing men wearing suits with silken pocket squares. No one looked twice at her. The door at the top of the stairs blew open forcefully once Jamie turned the knob. The wind pushed her back into the corridor but she wasn’t deterred, stepping out onto the gravel rooftop.
She first noticed his dark hair blowing a thousand different directions and his arms spread as far as they could reach. His fingers were moving and his arms lifted and dipped with the wind. She then noticed how close he was to the edge of the building and panic began to pulse through her body. She stepped forward, reaching out to him but not touching him, and spoke.

****
“Daddy!” the little girl raced forward, her small legs getting out of control beneath her as she ran excitedly towards him. Henry was on his knees with his arms outstretched towards Lillian who was careening down the sidewalk. She smashed into his chest as hard as she could, barely moving her father who now wrapped her up in a hug. She was barely four and a half but Henry could already tell that she would continue to charge headfirst into life.
“Hi sweet girl! Hi beautiful girl! I missed you so much.” he kissed the top of her head and spoke through her golden hair. Michelle was a couple paces behind and stopped in front of the two of them. She was gripping her handbag that was slung across her body and gave Henry a tight smile.
“Good morning, thank you for meeting me.” she said as the wind surged up and blew a strand of newly bleached hair into her face. She was not golden like Lillian, she was all sharp edges and unnatural coloring. “Let’s go inside, come on baby.” she motioned towards Lillian who smiled between her parents.
The chairs were impossibly straight and Henry sat with his hands laid across his lap, looking at Michelle expectadly. After a few minutes, the waitress placed two cups of coffee on the table and then, with a smile, gave Lillian a strawberry smoothie.
“I suppose I’ll get right to the point then.” Michelle stopped to take a sip of the scalding coffee without recoiling in the slightest pain. “I’m moving to London for my job and I expect to take Lillian with me. I will allow you to call her once a month as so not to make it more difficult for her to adjust to living so far away. You may visit her whenever your life allows it but there is nothing left for me in New York.”
Once she had finished speaking, Henry leaned forward and took Lillian’s hand. He did not speak for many moments, he just felt the soft lines of her fingers in his hand and stared at the straw wrapper she was fiddling with in her other hand.
“I understand that this is a shock but I need to do what’s best for my family.” Michelle attempted to interject in his reverie. When Henry finally spoke, it was to his daughter.
“Hey,” he squeezed her hand to get her attention, “do you know how much I love you?” She smiled and looked at him with childlike understanding.
“Yes daddy, you love me more than the wind and the stars and the sky.” She said to him.
“That’s right. And that will always be true, I promise. You will always come first.” he told her with all the honesty in the world. He was leaning over the table but straightened up to address the Michelle. “You know I can’t fight this.” he said with desperation creeping into his voice.
“I know,” she said, standing up, “That’s why I’m hoping that you make your peace with it.” The next few minutes passed in a blur as Michelle handed him their new number in London and told him that they had to finish packing up the apartment and that Lillian had one last ballet class to attend before they cancelled the lessons. And then suddenly Lillian was in his arms again, full of light and promise. He rested his chin on her head and allowed the tears to come, begging his voice not to break as he spoke to her and said his goodbyes.
Henry swiped the tears from his eyes as she pulled away from him and he smiled, “I’ll call you real soon, beautiful girl. I love you, more than the birds love wind.”
“I love you too, daddy.” And then she was gone, being pulled away by Michelle, out of his life forever. He felt the windows and the doors in his mind slam shut. He looked outside and saw a lady’s hat catch on the wind and get lifted away. Before she had the chance to run after it, Henry was out the door of the cafe, running in the other direction to the place where he knew he could feel again.
He was on the ledge when he saw her, a reflection of his sadness, standing there in the morning sunlight. They stood there for a long time looking at each other. Both of them a breath away from death and no closer to happiness. Henry suddenly remembered that she asked a question, as if waking up from a dream.
“I’m sorry, what was the question?” he asked. His arms were now down by his side, the wind was beginning to die down.
“I asked what you are doing up there.” she tilted her head at Henry although she did not look confused.
“I like the way the wind sounds. What are you doing up here?” he asked the woman, regarding her with curiosity.
“I didn’t want to go to work.” she said, looking at the ground. Henry thought she looked almost embarrassed for a moment before she looked up again. “Do you have anywhere you need to be?” she asked suddenly.
He blinked at her in surprise, “No, I don’t.”
“Good,” she stuck out her hand and he took it, “I’m Jamie.”
“I’m Henry.” he said, stepping back onto the roof.