I felt numb. I couldn't stop thinking about her. As time passed , I remembered more and more , thinking I could have saved her. But that , was just a wish , that I'd never get and a regret that would rest on my shoulders for the rest of my life.
I remember walking with her. We walked down to the old hollow tree , which was our usual go-to-spot. It was darker than usual because night had fallen quite quickly , but I didn't mind.  I picked her up and carried her down to wear we'd stop , down by  the river side. We usually hid from our parents there. I could feel her trembling beneath my touch as she tightened the grip of her legs around my torso , only causing my grasp to tighten , holding her as if she was going to get away.
The walk was speechless , as usual. It wasn't quite a long walk , but the silence made it seem like forever , but I didn't mind. When we reached the tree ,I put my sister down ,sat down on the cool grass and leaned up against the corse dark oak tree. I let out a sigh of relief , after reaching a rest point.
She then took a seat on my lap. I could still feel her shivering beneath her thin jacket , so I removed my winter coat and put it around her. She then cuddled into me. I could hear her low , soft cries , begging to escape her mouth , but she kept it in. She was always a fighter, a strong one. I couldn't help but pull her fragile , small body closer to my chest.  I started humming into her ear , causing her to jump a little at first , but soon relaxed and lay her head on my chest as I started to slide down the tree onto my back.
There were lots of stars. They were all shining above me. I could see them sparkling in the sky as each individual star , shone brightly , no more nor less than the other. I started to point out all the constillations to her. Her eyes started to fill with fascination. I even showed her the one I made , called "the legless car." She couldn't help but giggle. She was so full of life , unlike the sky. The night sky seemed dead , yet so so much joy and happiness to be seen. The shining stars seemed to be laughing and the moon seemed gleeming with delight. It made such a beautiful contrast against the gloomy sky. I loved it and so did she.
I looked down at her. " Do you think they'll love me after I'm better? I always seem to cause sadness and angriness to mammy and daddy 'cause I'm just really sick. I'm really sorry Sissy , I love you." I couldn't help but feel my eyes welling with tears she whispered  in tears. I cuddled her closely and told her what I tell her always. I don't think she understands , but I don't mind. This was always our downfall. Our parents weren't happy , noone was , except for Amy. She was the only bit of life we had in that family , our hope.
I still feel her here. She leaves things for me. She leaves her room door opening because she stills like to go there and she opens my closet because she always loves to dress up in my clothes. From time to time I find notes in my diary from her. You might think I'm crazy , but I know it's her. I even find a leaf down by the river in the same spot when I go to stargaze with her. She'll always be my angel , in heaven and in heart.