The story of Juan Tamad is not a simple one, nor is it a short one, I hope you all can spare some time, get comfortable as our story begins at the very beginning of the day.

As soon as the tip of the sun breaks past the land, before the roosters starts calling, The voice of Juan's Mother filled the village, yelling at the tippy top of her lungs for Juan to wake.

Juan was a very lazy man
lazier the dog the quick brown fox jumped over

Juan Tamad in all his glory
lazier than the old sloth hanging from the coconut tree
lazier than any person you and me would ever know
Juan was the laziest person in the whole village.

Long after the roosters stopped calling Juan was still sound asleep, his snoring rattled everyone in his house, even the poor mouse who was still sound a sleep was rattled by his snoring.

Juan's Mother tried everything to wake Juan up
She tried yelling at him
She tried turning on the radio as loud as it can
She tried beeping the horn of their car
She tried pouring water on his body
But nothing seemed to work.

When the sun was at the peak of the world and the village market was filled, Juan finally got up. His mother was already hard at work preparing lunch and working the banana trees to get some food for them to eat. Juan stumbled out of his bedroom, tripping over all of his dirty clothes, almost knocking down his computer and tablet as he struggled to regain his balance. He walked right out of the house without even brushing his teeth and began to squint as the brightness. Already winded and tired he started walking. He felt the cool farm breeze hit him and he wanted to lie down on his hammock between his two trees.

As he was walking he was greeted by a chicken who started yelling
Juan Tamad is up!
Juan Tamad is up!
Everybody, everybody, Juan Tamad is up!

What are you saying, of course I'm up you stupid chicken!
The chicken looks at I as if I was a funny clown and starts to laugh, the chicken starts to laugh so hard that he starts rolling on the floor, the chicken kept laughing and laughing and Juan started to get angry.

I says to the chicken
I what are you laughing about,  I'm starting to get really angry with you stupid chicken!
But the chicken kept laughing and laughing until I started to become furious, the chicken laughed so hard that he flew across the salt of the ocean.

Juan felt so tired he decided it was time to lie down but as he approached the hammock his mom started yelling for him. Where are you Juan? Stop being so lazy! But Juan didn't have a care in the world, what does my mother wants surely it can't be that important. He looked up at the sky and gave a huge yawn a yawn so big that he woke up the old man that was still sleeping in China. As he looked up he noticed that the tree that his hammock was tied to had started growing a very beautiful fruit. Juan felt his stomach grumble, I wan't that fruit, I'm very hungry, Eventually it HAS to fall, then I can eat to my hearts content! So Juan opened his mouth as wide waiting for the fruit to fall.

But the fruit didn't fall, long after the fruit rotted, when his cousins and relatives started getting old, and long after the cars started taking flight, Juan was still sitting there, waiting for the fruit. Suddenly Juan heard the rattling of the tree leaves, the fruit is shaking! When the fruit started to shake, Juan opened his mouth wider than it was, the fruit shook again, Juan opened his mouth as wide as it can go, but what fell in his mouth wasn't the fruit. Juan heard the laughing of the chicken as he started to open his eyes, but suddenly a piece of chicken poop fell right into his mouth. The chicken laughed and flew so high he flew to his new home in a far away land. Juan was so lazy he just shrugged his shoulders and spit out the poop. He still kept his mouth open waiting for the fruit to fall.

But the fruit didn't fall, long after humans arrived on Mars, and long after the time machine was discovered, Juan was still sitting there, waiting for the fruit to fall.

And that's it, he waited and waited until the end of time.

That's not right, that can't be true!

Oh yes it is true that's the en-

But what happened to Juan? It's impossible the fruit didn't fall, the fruit had to fall!

The fruit never fell, monkeys came and took the fruit from the tree and stumbled him on him. He was just sitting there with his eyes closed so the monkeys thought that he was dead. They found his mother and everyone close to him held a funeral, but Juan was so lazy he didn't even realize he was at his graveyard and not at his hammock between the trees, to this day he is still waiting for the fruit to fall, even if there is no fruit to fall.

That's no fair, every story has a happy ending.

Not every story has a happy ending you know, but it's important that you hear these stories anyways, don't ask me, I'm just the one telling it.