“The worst part about it was that I had to,” staring out the glass that kept him from them. 

“The greatest part was that I have been waiting all of my life.  Back then I had a choice, but now it’s my turn.  There is no turning back now, it’s too late.  I’ve made my decision.  No one convinced me.  I did.  I put myself in this mess, “starting to weep”.  I did!  I put myself into this evil that God hasn’t even seen!” Slamming the dashboard until he saw his hand start to bleed.
“I hate them, look at what they did to me!  Look at me!” Yelling to his men in the back.  “ “They’ve took him away!  Now it’s my turn.  My turn to show who I am!  Reaching for the handle and pushing the door into what seemed like a true nightmare.  James grabbed his gun and turned to see his life flash before his eyes.

It wasn’t just a normal day for James.  A senior at Alma Public High School in Georgia.  It was a day that changed his life forever.

The bus came to a slow stop on the dirt road a couple streets down from where he usually gets dropped off.  “Bus driver, sir, umm, I don’t get off here.”  James said a little timidly, “I live a few streets up.
“Just get off kid”, the bus driver interrupted him. 
“But I –
“Just get off loser, didn’t you hear what he said?” the tough football player said.  James picked up his items and slowly got off the bus while trying not to be tripped by all of the kids staring at him. He got to the steps and stepped down two feet until he stopped standing there for a few seconds, he quickly went back up so he could turn back to the students on the bus,
“I’m gonna do something good in my life and you’ll all watch me do it.”  He yelled back into the bus.  Some of the kids were sitting there with blank faces, some of them laughed a little bit, until the bus driver tossed him off with his hand, falling back into the dirt.   He watched the bus roll down the dusty road as he sat in anger.

“Ah, I hate that school, thank God today was my last day there, I know I wasn’t the best student, but I’m gonna find something to do in life that will make a difference.”  John walked home covered in dust to his house where he saw his mama crying at the kitchen table holding a letter. 
“Mama, what’s wrong? Is it about school, because if it is, I’m really sorry!” James said not knowing what the letter was about.  Taking a few minutes to respond, Mama put down the letter and came over to hug James. 
“What is this about?” asked James, realizing it was something important. 
“It’s your brother, he, he, he –“starting to cry again, “he was drafted into the war.”  Holding James tighter by the second.  James didn’t let out one word from his mouth.  Taking a few minutes to let it sink in, James pushed his Mama’s arms from around him and stormed up to his room.  Mama was left down in the kitchen where she sank to the floor in tears.  She had her hands over her eyes like she was trying to escape reality but it was no use.  She didn’t want to lose William and James.

After listening to his Mama cry from the kitchen, James got furious and started to yell.  He went to his shelf that was filled with his army figures and pictures of him and his brother and slid them off the shelf onto the floor which made a loud crash. 
“Why me? Why me!?  I know what I have to do now.  I’ve made my decision.”

Hearing this commotion of yelling and picture frames being broken, Mama got the strength to sit up from the old, worn out kitchen floor and make her way to James’ room door. Wiping the tears away, Mama knocked, waiting to see what will happen. 
“Honey, are you ok?” Mama asked with a shaky voice.  Nothing happened, nothing moved, no sound came from his small room.  She sat and listened for a little while to see if he would respond.  She was used to this situation because James got angry easily.  Finally, she turns the squeaky door knob and said,
“I’m going in, I wanna talk to you.”  She opened the door to see the once neat room covered with broken glass from the picture frames all over the floor.  She looked down on the floor and reached for a picture that was lying face down on the ground.  Mama slowly pushed the glass away and picked up the picture.  She started to weep again.  Tears filled her eyes as she read the back of the picture that James had treasured most.  Her vision got blurry from the tears but she rubbed her eyes until she could see.  A tear hit the back of the photo as she read,
“I know you don’t want to hear this but I promised my self that if William joined the army I would too.  You see, I have to Mama, it’s my turn.  It’s my turn to do what dad did. I must do it Mama and I hope you forgive me, Love your son James”

Mama held the picture to her chest and the let it float back to the glass covered ground where it once laid.  She didn’t say a single word to James who was buried under his covers.  She turned around trying to stay calm.  She didn’t shut the door in hoping he would come out later.

Mama made her way to the kitchen where she sat on a stool that her dad made for her when she bought the house.  She stared at the window into the grassy field where her husband once worked.  She stayed motionless for minutes until the door slammed shut.  Mama knew it was James and she ran her fingers through her hair and whispered to herself,
“My husband died in the war.  My two only sons are going into the war too.  What did I do wrong?  I raised them correctly.  I did everything I could to bring them up into this world.  Well what is left of this world. I brought them to church, put them in the best school that I could afford.   I spent all of money on their education, and you know what?  I’m gonna be left alone longing for their love and presence.” Mama then was silent for a few minutes then yelled,
“What is my love not strong enough God?!” yelled Mama,
“My own two sons are going into war!  You did this to me!  You did it! My life is already bad enough but you still wanted to make me miserable?!  It’s like my pain is pleasurable to you, huh?  I curse you!  Don’t let them take my sons!”  Mama rubbed her eyes and pounded her fists on the old kitchen counter tops. 
“I won’t take it, my life it over!”  She yelled one last time.  As she had her head down, James walked in,
“Mama, I know it may seem like God is at fault but don’t blame him.  You raised us right, I am so thankful for the opportunities you gave me.  I know now that I must do what Dad and William did.  I want to fight for our country and I also want to protect William.  Just please understand, I am not doing this to hurt you but I am doing this for Dad and William.  You know I love you and I know you love me and our love will never be broken”.  As he said this, he was holding back tears because he didn’t want his mom to see him crying.  Mama still had her head on the counter top as if nothing had happened. 
“Mama please answer me.”  Still nothing, “I know our family had been through a lot and has lost a lot. But I need you to trust me me on this decision.”  James said while patting his moms back.  He could hear his mom cry but she still didn’t say a single word. 
“Mama, I know this is hard but please stay strong.” James slowly lifted his hand from her back and went back into his room. 

James went through the whole summer only talking to his mother a few times.  Mama was still angry at him and his brother for their decisions.  Both of them wouldn’t make eye contact at the dinner table, they would stare down at the plate like they were already full.   When one of them dared to look up, it was a brief conversation.  Mama always tried to convince him not join the military, but like always, James would reply,
“Mama, you know I’ve already told you, it’s my turn.”  This turned into a routine every single day.  They both knew what they were going to say and when they were going to say it.  It got to the point where their voices sounded like robots.

The night had come for their last dinner together.
“Mama, this is the last night I will be here for a while.”  As usual, Mama briefly glances up and then goes right back to her food.  “I’m going to basic training.  I’m finally going to become a soldier.  This is it, my last night here with you until I come back.” 
“Great”, Mama replied sarcastically.  “I’m going to have to leave and I want you to forgive me for this darkness I put on you.”  James got up and hugged his mother and quietly said, “I love you” and he went to his room and grabbed his bad and left the old and broken home.  James stopped at the door steps and stopped for a brief moment and stared straight into the road.  He breathed out deeply and took short steps down the concrete stairs.  James walked to his car and didn’t look back to his childhood home.  This would be the start of his journey.

James continued with his training and eventually got through the long and intensive trip.  James put his heart and sole into his training in which he looked forward to seeing his Mama at the graduation ceremony, but at the ceremony only his brother was there and his mother was absent.  James kept telling himself that his mother would show up eventually. He waited all night after the ceremony but no one came to congratulate him except for his brother.  His brother had graduated earlier because he is an infantry soldier and James is helicopter pilot.

A few days after his graduation ceremony, James and his brother were stationed in Vietnam.  James and William both knew this was dangerous but they knew it was their duty.  Since James and William were in the same unit, James flew in William in a transport helicopter.  He successfully dropped them off with no cross fire from enemies.  James spent day bringing and ready to fight soldiers and picking up the wounded and dead. He did not know that his last flight for the day would be the last flight ever.

James flew down.  The trees and grass blew in the wind as the helicopter hit the ground.  As he usually did, James gave his orders and waited to ascend back into the air.  James looked back into the back to see if everyone is ready for takeoff but instead of seeing other soldiers, he saw his brother.  James stared in horror as he watched his brother scream in pain while the medics worked on him.  He would not take his eyes off his dying brother and said softly too loudly,
“The worst part about it was that I had to,” staring out the glass that kept him from them. 
“The greatest part was that I have been waiting all of my life.  Back then I had a choice, but now it’s my turn.  There is no turning back now, it’s too late.  I’ve made my decision.  No one convinced me.  I did.  I put myself in this mess, “starting to weep”.  I did!  I put myself into this evil that God hasn’t even seen!” Slamming the dashboard until he saw his hand start to bleed. 
“I hate them, look at what they did to me!  Look at me!” Yelling to his men in the back.  They’ve took him away!  Now it’s my turn.  My turn to show who I am!  Reaching for the handle and pushing the door into what seemed like a true nightmare.  James grabbed his gun and turned to see his life flash before his eyes. James got out and the visions of his childhood, his dad and mom, is brother, and everything he did and loved, but yet it went all so fast and James landed on his knees as he stared out into the eyes of the enemy. He whispered to himself,
“It’s my turn.” And James fell on the ground and laid motionless.