After I told the girls to go up to their rooms I had a feeling this was going to be one of those fights where she will piss me off so much, that I will say something I really don’t want to say. At that moment I will be hoping that our girls aren’t secretly listening. I would hope that they would be respectful and do as I say of going to bed. I waited until I heard their heavy feet stomping up the stairs because they were mad at us for kicking them out of the room. Although, we were doing it for a good reason. We didn’t want them to hear us fighting; they have already heard enough from almost every night. I sat down trying to calm myself. Of course, my annoying wife was the first to say something to piss me off. Furiously I stood up with clenched fists and walked toward her to get into her face. “Ever since she was born I haven’t given a s*** about anything!” I turned around in shame and hoping that neither of the girls had heard that. I wouldn’t want to make it seem like it was their fault that me and their mother fought 24/7. The real reason is I just can’t stand her anymore that’s why I always leave to go to motorcycle rallies, to get away from her every once in a while. I know it was bad of me to think and say the s*** I did because I do love my girls and didn’t want to hurt them, yet I still want to be free and have fun. After I told her all of this, she started to get tears in her eyes so I turned away knowing I would change my mind about everything if I looked her straight in the eyes, but I couldn’t do that. We just didn’t get along. This had to be ended. I turned towards the blue metal door and opened it furiously, walked out to my truck without turning around and left. I knew this argument wasn’t over, but I wanted it to be.

“Sometimes you’ve got to let go – purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything…Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out” ~Tina Turner

After her parents told her and her older sister to go to their rooms, she herself quietly tiptoed back down the stairs. Walking close to the inner wall she headed towards the kitchen, trying her best to get close enough to hear. The closer she got, the more she wished she couldn’t hear, any of it, even though all of it was true. She knew it. Although the only thing she and her sister ever wanted was for everything to be perfect but they knew it never would be.
“I don’t care.” One of the worst phrases a father and husband could say. The pain everyone felt from those three words would make her want to come out from that room and say, “no, you need to work this out because you made a promise the day you got married.” What was holding her back? Maybe the fact she was just a little girl and didn’t know anything about marriage and relationships, therefore, she didn’t do it. Even though she felt like she should, felt like the reason, felt like everything was wrong because of her. Ever since she was born apparently, according to these fights, nothing has been the same since. How was she supposed to feel? Happy? No, more like full of despair. She knew what was going to happen soon, sooner than she thought, accepted it and quietly headed back up the light blue carpeted steps singing the 1,2,3 song in her head that they, as a family, used to sing while heading to bed. As she creaked open her wooden door she stood in the doorway for a few seconds listening to the loud yelling of her parents, wishing and wishing that all this pain and argument would go away and their family would go back to normal. Slowly she walked over to her twin sized bed full of stuffed animals, grabbed her favorite one and lifted the purple sheets sinking into the middle of the bed tucking her-self in. As she lay silently she thought to herself. She knew nothing would be the same after everything went through. She was young, but what was happening was not new to her. She knew.
She heard her parents come upstairs to head to bed as she was almost asleep, and she again heard them fighting.

“God Joseph, stay on your side of the bed. Do you need me to go sleep on the couch?”

His face got as red as an apple out of anger and his eyebrows furrowed together. “Stop complaining about every little thing and go to sleep.”

There was a long pause as she thought about what to do and what to say. Her eyes once again filled with tears as she didn’t know what to do anymore. The words just slipped right out of her mouth. She knew it was time, time for things to change. It needed to be said. “We really need to talk tomorrow morning before the girls wake up, this is ridiculous.”

He responded quicker than she thought he would, “There is nothing to talk about.”
She was more than just frustrated and hurt, she couldn’t stand it anymore. There was nothing more she could do and she hated that. She wanted it to work more than anything, but she had to do what was right for her, and the kids. “Yes, there is, I’m not going to deal with this anymore, I can’t, goodnight, I’m going to sleep on the couch, I can’t stand to be treated this way any longer.” There was a much longer pause after she said this. She sat up, threw off the covers, and walked out of the room.

Getting closer to the steps she heard a silent mumble coming from the girls’ room, “Can you guys stop fighting already; we are supposed to be a family and be happy, now quit fighting and just go to sleep. Please.” This broke her heart more than anything. With her head down, she walked silently down the steps, hurt, knowing nothing could change. It was time.