I treated her like my own sister.

I was separated from my family—too far so I would not be able to see them again in my life. At first farewell was so painful that I thought I couldn't survive in this world. Listening to all the words that surrounded by gray aura from the people around me, I could feel the freezing point in my heart was incredibly increased. I didn't get the feeling that any attention could warm my heart. I actually felt the loneliness. They said it was because I was the one who experienced it. They didn't feel what I felt. They didn't know how it feels.

So destiny sent me to this place. A place that made me felt like a stranger even though there are a lot of people I knew.

“She IS so quiet.”

“Oh, so, she is an orph—“

“Ssh. Don't say it too loud. It's sentimental for her.”

“Poor girl. Lost her family in such a young age. It's great that she can be so strong.”

“She was really smart before. But since the accident, she—“

“If I were her, I might be like that too.”

“Pathetic.”

“What will she become later?”

“She prefers to be alone.”

“Isn't it bad to lament the fate like that, is it?”

“Don't disturb her. She can be angry.”

“Tch, what an arrogant girl!”

My tears were frozen. My heart seemed fade to black. My face was stiff. I often gazed to nothing. Every time I looked at the mirror, I saw someone else who wasn't me. Pale, wistful... almost died. Really, I'm ready. If at this time, God, you want me to die, I'm ready. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to get together with them again. Take me, God, I'm ready to d—

“Are you sick?”

I opened my eyes. A girl appeared in front of me with eyes that sparkling like dark brown marbles. Her hair is straight, tied so neatly in ponytail shape. She didn't show any smiles by her lips, but just by looking at hes face I knew she was smiling.

She sat beside me. No one had ever done that before. I seemed to have been lost from the human world around me. They seemed afraid to bother me. But this girl, with all the purity of her soul, sat innocently with no doubt.

“My grandma said, if you're sick you must have some sleep,” her eyes twinkled, radiated up through my hollow eyes. There was something that was pushed up into my heart. The girl kneeled on the bench, held my forehead with one hand and her own forehead with the other hand, her face turned serious. I almost smiled at her serious expression, as if she was a doctor and I was her patient. “Hmm, you don't get a fever. Maybe you're just tired. If you're tired, you must get take a rest. Do you have something to drink? Let me buy you some drink, okay?”

The girl left. Seeing her ponytail swung to the right and left got away from me, I felt something was pulled from inside me, as if what I felt just now was a radiant of hallucinations. I wanted to capture as many memories of what had just happened. It was as if I met my family in a dream, I didn't want to lose them when I woke up.

Let her back, God...

“Hey!” a sound that was a mix of softness and crispness, became an alarm in my ear, which woke me from nothingness into a beautiful dream.

She handed me a glass of lemonade. I accepted it, suddenly felt a strange tug in my cheek, something that once familiar, something that was releasing all exhaustion in my life.

***

“My name is Nancy. My home is not far from the One Dollar Shop. You live not far from this park, don't you?”

***

“Hey, you smiled just now!”

***

“I usually play here, or in the duck pond.”

“Yes, I usually play alone. Hmm, sometimes with my friends too.”

***

“Ah, you? Why is it so sudden?”

“My chemistry notebook? Oh, um, okay.”

***

“Daddy is going overseas for work. He hasn't back yet. He'd ever sent me a koala doll, but it lost its nose when George played with it. Do you know George? He lives next to me. It was a long time ago, I think it was when I was five years old.”

“I'm eight years old now!”

“Mommy isn't home. I don't know when will she back. Mommy is usually not home if I come back from school. I think she is home when I'm asleep. Sometimes I go to her room to sleep with her.”

“I feel so warm sleeping with her.”

“Nana, Natalie, and Nikki, they all attend school out of town. You know, one day Natalie came home and brought me a green teddy bear. Nana sent me a pink teddy bear, and Nikki gave me a yellow teddy bear not long after it. It was so funny. But now they've never come home anymore. I don't know why.”

***

“Hey, you drew the koala for the wall magz? That's cool. It has no nose, but it's still cool. Good job!”

“Wow, you look like a professional artist. Cool!”

“I heard you're recruited for the designer team. Is it true? Your latest design is so amazing. Everybody likes it!”

“Can you make some decoration for our class, please?”

“Wow, they're cute! I like the girl the pink dress. Um, but I like the girl with the yellow dress too. Her hair is so cute. Wait, that green dress looks like a Scotland cloth, doesn't it? How could you make such cute drawings?”

***

“I have an exam tomorrow. Would you like to help me, please?”

“Yay! Thank you! So you will come to my home tonight?”

***

“You can deal with this? I still don't understand!”

“What? It's just like that? Why don't I realize it earlier!? I shouldn't have a million remedial exams!”

***

“I could do my math exam so well! I got a little difficulties, but then I could guess some answer.”

“Haha, sorry. I was so confused.”

“Okay, I'll study better next time. But tomorrow I'll have an English exam. Would you like to teach me again, please?”

***

“Have you done your English homework?”

“Hey, let me see it too!”

“Wow, how could you be so diligent? I prefer spend the night for a good night dream rather than do the homework.”

***

“I got A plus for my last exam!”

“Um, I got only C for the maths exam.”

“Ah, really? You will? Thank you!”

“Okay, I want to study together with you again so I can get another A plus. But, next time, you should give me two ice creams, okay? Hahaha.”

“What? Three? Yay!”

***

“Wow, cool. You got an A for your biology exam.”

“Um, you can ask her for it. He is an expert in physics.”

“Hey, our class' jacket is already finished. You can take it in the gym room.”

“This is your design too, right? It's very non-mainstream. Cool! It's going to be my favorite one!”

“I bet tomorrow everyone will use the same jacket.”

***

“Yesterday I showed my report card to Mommy. She was so surprised. She asked me who played with me lately. I told her I played you.”

“I'm the champion! Mommy was very happy, she cried a lot with joy. I don't know why, but she also said sorry to me. Mommy was so funny, she looked like a baby girl. But, she said, next holiday, I'll go grandma's house. She said, Nana, Natalie, and Nikki will go there too. Daddy called me too. He said he might be back too, so Mommy, Daddy, and I can go to grandma's house together!”

“Oh, Mommy said she makes a celebration for me. You're invited too. Will you come?”

“What happen? Why do you cry?”

***

One. Two. Three.

***

I stopped counting. Every second was precious not to be counted. Every second was to be thanked.

***

"Nancy, say thank you to the one who helped you until you got all the best marks.”

The girl approached me with an exciting smile. I didn't feel any stiffness or freezing. My heart felt light, my face wasn't the face of stiff pale, but it was a warm and happy face. I'd been able to cry. My tears had been melted.

For me, it wasn't me who helped her. She was the one who helped me.

“Thank you.”

A bright light flashed above my head. Suddenly I thought she wasn't walking alone toward me. There was someone next to her, a tall man. I was sure he wasn't her father. A stranger. Smiled at me, looked deeply at me.

I smiled back to him.

“Nooooooo!”

It was true, what they said, that farewell is not about goodbye. It's about thank you.

***

God, I'm ready.

***