"I know you’re not a therapist. But damn I need to talk to some one."

"Sure man. Anything"

"I think I'm crackin’ up man. I didn't get a minute of sleep last night."

"Why?"

"See that's the problem, I don't know why. I don't move a muscle. I lay there with my eyes closed, but nothing gives. Thirty minutes will pass and I just get frustrated. After a while I can't just help but think about all the s*** happening around me. It might honestly have a lot to do with you. I mean, not really you as much as the other kids I hang out with. They're all idiots. The other day I was over at that prick Steve's house. We were watching some f***in' animal show and this ad about Down syndrome came on. Those assholes I was with started laughing like hyenas at that s***. They weren't sober, but I wasn't either and I kept a straight face the entire time. I felt so sick and embarrassed that I was with'em, I walked all the way home in the pouring rain just to be alone. I swear I don’t know why I hang out with‘em, they’re poor company even when they’re sober.”

“So where exactly do I come in?”

“Honestly man, I wish we hung out more. You might be the one goddam person I can have a real conversation with. It’s one thing when they're high or drunk and stuff, but they don’t have a proper sense of humor. It’s all racism and homophobia. They all claim that that’s not who they really are. But after a while it doesn’t matter. That’s how others see them. They see this altered persona. I just wanna have a straight conversation, but I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. That’s the worst f***in’ crime you can commit. You don’t have to be funny, just be a real goddam person or at least a good one. I don’t know, maybe I’m going insane."

"No. I understand."

"You don't have to I just wanna vent my frustrations. That’s not even the worst one. Do you remember Andrew Hatfield?”

“Yeah, I never really knew him though.”

“Well me and him were best friends growing up and now he’s goin’ to some goddam prep school. So last week I see him for the first time in almost two years, and we strike up a conversation. It was all going fine until he started talking about this time he was messing with some unattractive girl for a laugh. He would hit on her and and smile at her, as if he really had an interest. He said she thought he liked her, and how she was a fool and all. The entire time I just kept thinking. Was he always like this? I swear to god he was the nicest kid I knew for the longest time. He thought different, same as I did. Yet, he’s talking about this poor goddam girl who probably really liked him, that he took advantage of just for the hell of it. WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES THAT. I think that might have been when I realized that everything I knew from ages 1 through 14 was dead. Well...not dead, but changed past recognition. Honestly, it might as well be the same thing. Know what I mean?"

"I...I think so..."

"Maybe I just expect too much from people.”

"Maybe you should just ask yourself, what d'ya want outta life? You know what do you want...what do you like, stuff like that?"

"Yeah......I dunno................... I guess I want to meet a girl. Maybe not even to be with. Just a girl I can talk to......one who isn't a complete dolt. Girl who understands what to laugh and clap at. Someone who doesn't act all ditzy. That crap drives me crazy. Pretty girls always act like they're dumber than everyone else. As if they don't understand any innuendo you toss at'em. You take a girl like Kate. The one Steve is always around with. I had an actual conversation with her the other day about the Ukraine Crisis. But whenever Steve's around her, she talks like she's five. In this soft and this confused voice like she needs that dult Steve to help her get through the world. Her IQ is probably two times higher than his. To hell with both of'em, maybe those phonies a meant for each other. It would make for the lamest love story ever........ And would it kill anyone in this town to listen to some good goddam music!"

"Uh-huh"

"I feel like a goddam race horse. We are all being bred by society to be a star child. Every kid must be intelligent, athletic, well dressed, know when to say please and thank you, and know how to pretend you're enjoying conversations about the weather and how to be your best self. All of us are meant to be sculpted into the same being and not one us question it. It's disgusting. All I see is grey. I f***in' hate it."

"What.....you hate what?"

"Everything dammit. Everyone. The way we tell our kids from the second they burst out of their mother's normal womb that they are 'one in a million'. But in reality, all they really are, are just assholes who take up the space they want and think it's justified by an insincere thank you. In their minds they know without doubt that they are superior to the people who surround them. But no teacher, parent and especially guidance counselor will correct them.  'Cause why fix your vision if you see a perfect flower. The problem is, I see ugly flowers lying all over an a grey garden. it makes me sick that nobody else does. If a girl could see it, I'd marry her. That's what I want."

"You're just burnt out, you need a break"

"But I'm barely working. I'm essentially king slacker. If I took off. I would have nothing to avoid. And that scares me."

" So take a break of slacking......"

"F*** that. I hate not doing nothing. I'd be better off just falling off. Spiraling down until I break. At least then there would be something to talk about."

"C'mon man don't say stuff like that."

"You're right...I think"

"Dude, you can't keep doing this. I enjoy your company and all. But everything you say... I don't know."

"You do know."

"You're just too damn, hard on people. I mean first of all Steve is an ass. He always has been. But you and I both know he'd help you out of a jam if you were ever in one, and he's always up to do somethin' dumb to get to brighten the mood if s***’s down. And he would definitely miss you if you were gone. And those guys will grow out of their intolerance. Just as you will get out of this state. And while people might proclaim their superiority. You can change them. You can be their harsh wake up call. Even if they stay as s***ty as before. You can ignore them for the rest of your life if you have to. Nobody said you have to like everyone. But make sure you have one person who likes you. Y'know I gotta go actually. Nice talking t'ya."

And with that. He walked away from me. I guess he didn't want to hear a reply. No one ever does.