I always told myself I never wanted kids. All my life I heard my mom complain about me and my siblings and how we were killing her. Little did we know that she had a heart condition and the stress of taking care of five children would actually kill her. My father didn’t do well taking care of us, so he brought in our Aunt Lily who was no better than him. When I finally got away from my family, I vowed never to put a kid through something like that. In my mind, if I even had a kid, I would end up being like my father. They say that victims can become abusers, so I wouldn’t take that chance.

But then I met Haley.

Haley was an animated, comical, lovely woman. We met in a coffee shop on fifth avenue by accident. She was a dollar short to pay for her latte, so I gave her the dollar. She couldn’t thank me enough, I said it was nothing, we sat down at a table and talked. And talked. And talked. We could have talked until dusk, but once her office called, she had to leave. I made sure to go to that coffee shop everyday.

Eventually we got married and I took her to Paris, the City of Lights. Even though I told her it wasn’t the City of Romance, she still stuck to her belief and practically insisted we go there for our honeymoon. Of course I didn’t argue with her.

Strolling through the streets I bought her flowers, a beret, bought her clothes, and she bought me what she considered sexy French clothing (I didn’t see it), and an English to French dictionary. It wasn’t as insulting as it sounds considering I kind of asked her for it.

Back in the states, a month or so after the honeymoon, she told me that she was pregnant. I just stared at her, not expressing terror or delight. What should I have thought when this was something I had feared. She asked me to say something after a minute and I told her, “I’m happy for you.” She didn’t like my answer and told me I’d be a great father. Never once did I think that would be true.

Two weeks past her due date and she went into labor. There was a complication and she had to have a cesarean section. As she went into the operating room, she smiled at me as I gripped her hand tightly. “It’ll be alright,” she said so calmly, as if she weren’t in any pain. “Everything will be fine.” If only I knew that’d be the last time I saw her.

The doctors delivered me a healthy baby boy. I named him Edward, since that was what Haley wanted to call him. His middle name was Lee, the name I wanted for a boy. It was a few minutes before the doctor came in and told me about my wife. Saying there was massive hemorrhaging and there was no way to have saved her. I nearly forgot I was holding my son when I heard the news. The only things that dropped were my head and my heart. A nurse did come by and take my son.

When I brought him home, I realized how empty the house was. To pass the time, I told my son, my week old son, stories about his mother. It was much easier to do that then plan a funeral, or at least I hope it was; her sister came and planned it. Needless to say she was also sad, but she also met her nephew. I think he was the only thing keep us, or at least me motivated.

When I ran out of stories to tell Eddie, I started trying to teach him lessons like: stealing is bad, don’t bully others, be kind to your elders. The hardest thing I had to teach him was about pregnancy. I know you have the talk with them when they are older, but since I learned from Health and not my father, I figured I’d have a test run right now. If he didn’t remember, then it couldn’t hurt him. Plus, practice makes perfect.

Every time I told him about it, I told him “Never get a girl pregnant unless you’re willing to take on the responsibility.” Well, that was my final draft. I started off by saying “Never get a girl pregnant in high school,” and “Never get a girl pregnant unless you love her.” I was going to tell him the latter, but if he thought he loved a girl then didn’t, well. . .

When he was older, I gave him the talk and made sure I told him the “Never get a girl pregnant unless you’re willing to take on the responsibility.” He seemed nonchalant when I first told him, but every time the sex education unit came up in school, I told him that again and again. He seemed to understand more and more each year.

During his senior year of high school, Eddie had a girlfriend, which I approved of and I knew they were smart kids about the whole human chemistry subject. One day I got a call from the girl’s mom. She told me, “Jessica’s needs to speak with Eddie. She’s crying hysterically and won’t tell me anything. She just keeps saying that she won’t talk to anyone but Eddie. I think it’s best if he come over.” I told her he’d be over in ten minutes and hung up. It was strange that her mom called me and I suspected something foul, but my son was too smart for that. I called him down and told him Jessica needed to see him. He left shortly afterwards.

Eight o’clock came and passed as well as eight thirty, nine, nine thirty, and ten. Finally at ten thirty I heard a car park in the driveway. I got up from the sofa as the door to the garage slammed shut. I caught my son rushing up the staircase. “Edward Lee Dunsin. Where have you been?” It got him to stop running up the stairs, but he didn’t turn around. Head down, he responded, “Can you just leave me alone right now, dad? Please.” He took another step somberly, but I again stopped him. “You and I need to have a chat son.” Eddie sighed then came down finally. I barely saw dried tear marks on his face below the hair in front of his eyes. My son never cried.

We sat down at the kitchen table. Eddie still wouldn’t look at me. “Where have you been son?”

“I’ve been out.”

“You’re gonna need a better excuse then that.”

“My phone was dead.”

“You know that’s not what I mean. You’re not telling me everything.”

Eddie sighed and stayed silent for another minute. “It’s Jessica.” He still couldn’t look at me.

“Eddie...” I said sternly.

“Jessica. . .” He finally looked at me. “She- she’s pregnant dad. She’s pregnant.” I felt the same sense of shock and horror when Haley told me she was pregnant. “I don’t know how it happened. We, we were always safe and I know she wouldn’t cheat on me. She even said it was mine. Why would she lie about that?”

“H-how did this happen?” I barely recognized either of our voices.

“I don’t know dad. We were safe and, and... I don’t know dad. I simply don’t know.”

“Is she. . . going to keep it.”

“She said she wanted to. She always complained about how she wasn’t cut out for college. Now she has a reason not to go.”

“Eddie. Do you want to become a father?”

“Dad... It’s a lot of pressure. I know you’ve told me time and time again that I shouldn’t get a girl pregnant unless I was willing to take on the responsibility. Thing is, this wasn’t even planned. It was impossible for her to be pregnant, but she somehow is... ... I’m willing to do the right thing and marry her, if that’s what she wants, but I don’t want to. I’m scared dad. I don’t know what to do.”

I got up and for the first time in a long time, I hugged my son. “It’ll be alright son. Everything will be fine.”