CONGRATULATIONS
If you are a horrible actor, press the red button behind your milk chocolate bar. You will then have approximately five seconds to be more than ten feet away from the explosion which is to occur. If you do have at least a fraction of acting skills, or anything of the like, then I would like to cordially invite you to join me in conducting a plan which would fool those individuals who think they are the world’s human encyclopedias, but in reality they’re not. The chocolate bar you have purchased is not actually chocolate, it is a capsule. Within the pod, which this invitation came with, you will find five golden tickets inscribed with blue writing. Keep one of these golden tickets for yourself, as you will have to bring a total of four people with you who can be considered as individuals who think they are know-it-alls. Do not look at this event as a flash mob performance, but rather as enlightenment towards these people. Within the package there is a copy of this brochure in case you lose this one. If this does occur, the first one will disintegrate. This brochure is for you and your eyes only. It should be labeled, “Your eyes only.” This brochure explains what will be going on behind the scenes. You must, I repeat, you must know the script by 11:59pm, Wednesday, July 24th, 2014. The psychoanalyzer will conduct an analysis at the time of the due date with the chip you bit off the top of the chocolate bar before you found out it was not what you had spent your money on. If you do not know the script, not only will your chocolate bar explode, but the chip inside of you will conduct rapid digestion within your system in a total of five seconds. The five seconds should give you enough time to find the nearest lavatory. After that occurs, your memory would have been erased, and any evidence from this invitation would have already been disintegrated, burned, or flushed. These people deserve to be punished, for they are the aggravators of society. These are the people who are responsible for the low test grades in high school. For they coordinate domino effects with those who look upon their work to receive answers. These are the people who carry around books just to look intelligent. These are the people who confidently respond to questions with exceedingly false answers. These are the false human encyclopedias that network so well because of their appearance. Doesn’t that piss you off? If you say yes, your chocolate bar will not explode, for the enhanced auditory system built into the butt of the bar will analyze the sound waves from your vocal chords. We know how to target them since we now have your fingerprints from the candy wrapper you threw away, which is now disintegrated.
THE PLAN
Both Mr. President and Congress have agreed to secretly pass a bill which says that Wikipedia (and other sources given on a list on this brochure) is a genuine source of information for all kinds of research work. All of the “wanna-be” intellects will still think otherwise because they do not know the plan. It is up to you to use these websites for all of your research, starting today. All you have to do is be sure to actually use reliable sources behind the scenes (you’re professor probably won’t agree with unreliable sources being used). This will aggravate the artificially intelligent population. When this occurs you must respond with, “Mr. President said so.” This will only enrage them more. After this occurs, you must invite them to the signing of the bill, which will take place in Boston, Massachusetts, on the 1st of August, 2014. This is the same day the President will give his speech on education. Your plane ticket is your golden ticket; it has already been paid for by our corporation and your taxes. Yes, you paid for this somehow. If any questions are raised, then simply respond with, “Mr. President said so.” Being incredulous, they will look forward to seeing you look idiotic and humiliated. Once Mr. President gives his speech, he will end with the signing of the bill which states, “Wikipedia and the other frowned upon sources are genuine sources of information for all kinds of research.” He will then sign the bill that says so. After the event you must your own ride home. We don’t cover that.
TIPS
1.
Turning on the U.C.C. (a.k.a. the Universal Choco Controller) is a simple process. The U.C.C. (a.k.a. the Universal Choco Controller) has a thumbprint scanner on its base. Gently place your thumbprint on the scanner, and hold it there for approximately 5 seconds. A three-dimensional display should appear. The display should contain a menu, along with a rotating globe.

2.
Hiding the brochure is an easy procedure. The U.C.C. (a.k.a. the Universal Choco Controller) has a thumbprint scanner on its base. Gently place your thumbprint on the scanner, and hold it there for approximately 5 seconds. A three-dimensional display should appear. The display should contain a menu, along with a rotating globe. The third choice on the menu says options; gently tap on options. Within the options menu you will see the actions bar at the top of the display. The fifth action should say “HIDE.” Gently tap on “HIDE.” After doing so, your U.C.C. will become completely invisible, however still physically there. You should still find an area where it would not be found. Place your U.C.C. in that area. To remove the “HIDE” action, simply state your name to the device and follow up with the word “REVEAL.” After doing so, your U.C.C. will disable the hiding action, and appear out of God knows where you left it.

3.
If an A.H.E. (a.k.a. Artificial Human Encyclopedia) discovers your U.C.C., it then becomes your responsibility to erase an hour from the memory of the A.H.E. Furthermore, M.E. (a.k.a. Memory Eradication) is a simple procedure. All you have to do is go to the options on your U.C.C.; one of the options listed is Memory Eradication. After selecting M.E., set the time to as much as 168 hours, depending on the time the A.H.E stumbled across your U.C.C. After selecting the time, wear the glasses that came with the U.C.C., approach the A.H.E., and press “Eradicate.” The U.C.C. will target the A.H.E. and eradicate his, or her, memory for whatever time you placed. Feel free to have fun with this. According to our knowledge, there has not been any victim who received certain diseases after being eradicated a number of times.
A.H.E. QUALIFICATIONS
1.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they say they have experienced everything. Whether it is skydiving, reading all of Mark Twain’s pieces of literature, writing their own books, having dinner with Mr. President, running a company for a short amount of time, or saying they are 15 different nationalities. If they say they have done all of these things, or anything of the like, then they are definitely an A.H.E.
2.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they are always seen carrying a book. These Artificial Human Encyclopedias will spend a week carrying a book, which contains more than 500 pages. They will then begin to carry a different book the following week. If you ask them if they already read the previous book, they will respond with either a “yes”, or a “Yeah, that was my fifth time reading it, I love that book.”
3.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they will absolutely not allow anybody, except for the professor, or teacher, to review their work. They do this knowing damn well their work is not at the level of an intellectual; therefore, they would feel embarrassed if anyone discovered they are not as smart as you think they are.
4.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they attempt to talk about politics, economics, homework, or anything of the like at a sporting event. They do this so that the people around them will think they are intelligent, and always concerned with government affairs.
5.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they say they love the music made by Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and select jazz musicians, such as Winston Marsalis, John Coltrane, and Charlie Parker. To be completely honest with you, they probably don’t know who those people are, however, once you mention their names they will probably say, “Yeah, I love their music, I listen to them all the time.”
6.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they are in school and bring up a topic during class. After the topic has been brought, the professor, or teacher, will begin to express his, or her, views about the topic, and the A.H.E. will agree with everything the professor says. He, or she, will then say something like “Yeah” after every remark, or, “I totally agree, I was thinking the same thing based on my experiences.” While doing so, they’ll probably be nodding their head continuously.
7.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they will not acknowledge other people’s opinions, only their own. However, if a professor states his, or her, perspective, the A.H.E. will either change his, or her, mind, or manipulate his, or her, opinion so that it is compatible with the professor’s views.
8.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they download certain applications to their smartphones (Their phone will most likely be an iPhone due to the fact that they want to be accepted by society, so they take part in anything that is part of the mainstream).
9.
An individual is an A.H.E. if they do not affiliate themselves with the actual intellects, but rather with those who are not intelligent. By doing so, they will seem intelligent to the unintelligent.
OTHER SOURCES
1.
Urban Dictionary
4. Biased Articles


7. Forums
2.
Blogs



5. Biased Films


8. Editorials
3.
Tweets



6. Self-Published Sources
(AFTER THE EVENT, THE FAKE BILL WILL BE TORN, THIS IS NOT REAL)
CONTACT INFORMATION
If you are looking to contact our corporation, you must use your UCC to do so. If you try to track our location, your UCC will explode, the chip within you will perform rapid digestion, and your memory will be eradicated.
PROMISSARY NOTE

I _________________________ solemnly swear that I will not tell any Artificial Human Encyclopedias about the task at hand. If one were to discover the plot by this corporation, I will eradicate their memory. Additionally, I promise that I will learn the script that was given to me by this corporation. If I do not learn the script, they have my permission to blow up the UCC that was provided to me. They will also have my permission to perform rapid digestion. If rapid digestion occurs anyway, then I have no say. If it happens, it happens, and there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. The only thing that I can do is request, through the UCC, a lifetime supply of bog roll. I understand to a full extent that I may not even receive this package due to unknown reasons.

Signature_______________Date_____Blood Sample___