I’m new here. First day at a big school. My nerves were jiggling until I saw my friends. All of us freshmen, satisfied to finally be in high school. The bell rang and we all headed 1st period. As we came in the teacher took our names. “Sara Miller” I said and then took a seat. It was the same in every class. On the next day of school, a gorgeous boy walked into my second period. Brown eyes, perfect hair, I mean he had the attention of every girl in our class. But he made eye contact with me and smiled. I melted in my seat.

I never was in a relationship before. But the way he looked at me was breath-taking, also the highlight of my day. On the third day of school my 2nd period history teacher assigned partners. My partner just happened to be him, Nick Stones. He was very sweet and acted like a true gentlemen. Within time we became good friends, after a little bit more time he asked me out. I wasn’t allowed to date but I liked him so much. I thought that I was in love with him, so with that I agreed. I knew that I would get in trouble at home, so it was our secret.

Our relationship was amazing. Romantic. Perfect. Everything that you see in movies, but with time our relationship began to stain. I was so in the clouds into our relationship, I didn’t notice what a negative impact he had on me. Also he was a jerk and player. I was just his toy, but instead of breaking up with me when he got bored, he went and cheated. I know about that now, but not then. I found out that he cheated on me, on the day of our 6-month anniversary. I wanted to break up with him, but he begged me to stay. Telling me that he was in love with me, promised to never cheat again. His promise was good for a week.

When I confronted him, he told me he was tired. That I need to be more of his girlfriend and give him everything that he wants, to have someone that loves him more than I did. That statement showed me what he was really like. He started to put me down, but only when we were alone. With his friends we were the cutest couple ever. No one knew what really was happening. I got so used to hearing mean, rude, disrespectful and negative words in my direction that they stopped cutting my heart and instead I stared believing in them. As soon as i stopped fighting those words my heart, well it just went numb. Nick would say a bunch of words and then just walk off. As soon as he disappeared my brain started again. Repeating his word just as if it was a recorded tape that’s jammed.

He no longer did those cute couple things. Never gave me flowers, or whisper a joke into my ear. We even stopped holding hands, just because there was nothing else to hold on to. I asked him to break up, again. But his reply was, “Never.” I felt like a fish that was caught in a net, and couldn’t get out. I was left there to die.

Shortly after we started dating I stopped hanging out with my friends, just to make more time for me and Nick. Now I had no one to talk to. After another week I felt lower than the dirt. I couldn’t do anything except to cry myself to sleep every night. I couldn’t even look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. I hated everything about me. One night when my tears were miraculously dried out, I had a brilliant idea.
What if I disappeared? Just vanished? I could just end all of this. I could kill myself. I could put myself away. Away from Nick, my family, and the rest of the world.

My dad knocked on my door. “Sara, we need to talk to you.”

What if they found out?
But I had to go. My dad took out a card. One of the first one’s that Nick gave me.

“What’s this?” my mother asked. I couldn’t reply. I was taken by the sight of the card. Remembering how happy I used to be.

“What’s going on?” Dad asked. “You can tell us.” The gentleness in his voice stabbed into my heart.

How could I betray my family? Disobey the only rule that my parents had?
I couldn’t decide what to reply.

“It’s a card from a friend.”
I lied. That helped throw my parent off guard, and the conversation was over. I felt even worse. I kept hiding and lying to my family. I wanted someone to talk to so desperately. To tell someone about everything that has happened. I felt like I betrayed everyone I ever loved. I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I started to follow through on my suicidal plan.

I knew that if my parent’s found out about Nick, they wouldn’t be able to forgive me. Plus my mom was already sick enough. If she found out, well the consequences could be deadly, for both of my parents. I was their last child and they depended on me to be the “sunshine” in their lives. They said that I was the only thing that kept them alive. I couldn’t tell my siblings. If I told them, they might tell my parents and that could result in the same thing. So I was left searching for the perfect opportunity to kill myself, as well as the most perfect way to do it.

No one noticed anything because I pretended like everything was ok, and after a while I mastered that skill. I finally got my chance. It was a Saturday, my parents left to grocery shop and after to visit my grandparents. I knew that I had about 3 to 4 hours. My brother left the house and wouldn’t be back till late at night. My sister was sleeping; she came home from her nightshift. My plan was to swallow a lot of pills. I knew that I needed time for the pills to kick in, and some more time for it to kill me, completely. I had an impossible chance, to breathe again. As soon as I thought though that whole plan again, my nerves kicked in.

I knew that it was wrong to take my own life, but I was so tired of fighting battles. Finally I got the courage to get it done, my head went blank. The innocent, loving, parent obeying girl popped into my head. She was crying. Tears started to run, and I couldn’t stop. As soon as the first tear came out, I finally understood that I needed to end my relationship with Nick. I knew that it was wrong of me to agree to be with him in the first place. The next day I went to his house to talk about us.

“I can’t do this anymore. It was fun and a new experience. The truth is I only regret one thing. That I let you execute me. To destroy everything that I loved being. I know that it’s also my fault that I let you do that to me.” Before I could finish he started to blurt out that he loves me and that he was sorry. Then stopped. Got mad and told me that without him, I will be nothing.

“Before I leave forever I’m going to look you in the eyes and remember the past. Before I forget and leave everything behind me, I will remember. Just one more time. I will let my heart beat faster and tears run down my face. I will let my heart break, again. And then I will move on, be myself once more. I will be that independent girl that you first met. Yes, I won’t be exactly the same because my heart had to go through a lot, which in the end just made it stronger. I will also take what I learned and apply it to my future. I will continue to live, to breath, because I have a lot of reasons to.” As I walked out, I saw her again, but know she was smiling. With that I went; ready, for my next battle.