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The Unspoken
“What’s the point?” The young woman slouched further into her chair and shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket as the unanswered question seemed to unfold and impress itself on the two souls present, demanding and yet disallowing an answer. The room was chilly even though it had been stuffed with big, comfy couches and warm tans and oranges in an attempt to create a more comfortable atmosphere. “Are you still dancing?” asked the therapist. The question seemed a flimsy and weak response to the dead weight that the young woman had just dropped. What was the point of answering? The young woman twisted the faded bracelets that ornamented her pale wrists and said nothing. “Really, that dance studio’s not a good environment for you, especially right now, in this state you’re going through and–” “Theresa, shut up.” The two women were both shocked into a momentary silence, until the older of the two recomposed herself and continued her monologue. “Hannah, I know you’re upset. I’m just trying to help you. That’s what I’m here for. You are not alone, you know that. I’m here with you every step of the way. I care about you and I’ll support you. Just tell me, what do you need from me?” The heaviness weighed on the young woman. As she twisted strands of her jet black hair around her finger, memories of insults and injuries rang in her mind. You’ll never be good enough, they always said. Why do you even try? The young woman did her best to fight the heaviness each day, but it would not leave her though she tried and tried to get rid of it. “It doesn’t matter,” muttered the young woman. She rose from her seat. “I’ll see you next week.” “Next month,” the young woman barely heard as she slipped out the door. *** “You should do it!” they had said. “It’ll be fun!” Hannah had to admit, it did sound good. Too good to be true, in fact. She had heard of teen-intensive camps before, but this pamphlet advertised a deeper message than most; “Are you unsatisfied with everything the world has to offer you? Do you want to explore the deepest parts of your existence?” Granted, it seemed rather strange, but just the kind of strange that Hannah needed. A week to get away from this whole mess she had made, a week to escape and recreate herself? Yes please. The camp was about an hour’s drive away, across the border into a different state full of different people and different ideas. The bus stopped in front of the intensive center, and as she stepped off of the bus, Hannah suddenly found herself alone in an unfamiliar place where she knew nothing and no one. She ventured forward, and the small, flat building became less intimidating and more homey and chapel-like; perhaps the kind of building that would welcome you home with a cup of tea and a blanket in front of a warm and cozy hearth. Registration papers in one hand and duffel bag in the other, with a quiet “thank you,” Hannah stepped through the door that a polite stranger was holding open. His eyes crinkled a smile in return. To describe the odd force that Hannah felt immediately as she walked into the building would be a discredit to its actuality. It was as if a rush of something had suddenly hit her with full force, as a gust of wind would. This peculiar feeling was unknown to Hannah, but she felt that it was good and found an appreciation for this mysterious force in herself. The registration and check-in seemed a blur, and then Hannah found herself in a room with fifty-some other teenagers. The first day was not easy. Awkward teenagers avoided each others’ glances and were thankful for the classes throughout the day that saved them the awkwardness of having to make conversation with those sitting next to them. Hannah loved these classes, for they didn’t teach the normal, trivial, ordinary things that were all too familiar and all too pointless. Instead, Hannah and her classmates learned about the things that truly mattered. They learned about what it meant to be alive. They explored what their own existence meant. They studied the spiritual realm, learning that the physical world before their eyes was simply fleeting. They spent time in the Reflections Room, where the students were left to themselves to reflect quietly on life and their existence – quiet time to delve deep into the mysteries of the universe. They learned about a miraculous man who lived a perfect life, and yet still died. But they also learned about the fact that he fought an epic battle with death itself, and won – he rose to life again. *** Camp had just started, and already marvelous things were happening. Students were learning to fasten their eyes, ears, minds, and hearts upon reality and the truth. And inexplicably, the truth was healing them. People were being set free from curses, addictions, and depression. One night found Hannah sitting cross-legged on her sleeping bag, reflecting on the events of the day. Such amazing things were happening, and yet the young woman could not understand why she was unable to enter in to the joy that everyone else seemed to be experiencing. Her mind was worn from the long and intense work of the day, and overflowing with thoughts, she scribbled frantically in the journal filled with notes from the many classes she had attended. All of the thoughts and emotions that had been bottled-up inside of her for so long leaked out through her hand, and onto the pages of the journal. Why was she the only one who wasn’t experiencing the great things that everyone else was? Was she an alien? Tears poured from her eyes until all she knew was the subtle darkness of slumber. *** Cold, sterile, white walls jittered as they advanced around the girl, enclosing her. She was surrounded by a sickening whiteness as the bitter silence rang in her ears. The young girl sought in vain for any crack, hole, or ridge that would allow her to break down the terrible walls. Her piercing screams were heard by no one, and even she could not recognize the shrieks that shook her fragile body. Her pounding fists found the walls solid and seamless; impossible to break down. There was no way out. But the worst part was when the girl realized that she had built up the walls herself. They had come slowly, peace by peace, with each disappointment, each cruel whisper behind her back, each insult spat at her face. And recoiling in self-protection, the girl had built up giant, white walls to keep her safe, only now seeing that the walls were doing more harm than good. Too late the girl realized that though she had blocked out the offensive arrows that shot at her, she had also blocked out the goodness and love of those who cared for her and could help and heal her. But it was too late. The girl was left to nothing but isolation – the injured essence of herself and the memories of the stinging arrows she had known all her life. Lifting her tear-stained face from her curled-up knees, the girl sensed that something was different. As she shielded her eyes from the blinding whiteness of the walls, the girl noticed a tiny creature fluttering down from above – a single, pearl butterfly; its wings rippling as it glided gently down to where the girl was. The two creatures gazed at each other for an infinite moment, conveying a wealth of words and understanding in an unspoken language that no other souls could comprehend. The girl stared at the butterfly curiously, wondering what this connection to this creature seemed to be. Strangely, the butterfly seemed to be inviting the girl to something. In faith, the young girl lifted her hand, and the beautiful butterfly fluttered gracefully to the girl’s finger. Immediately, a flash of light engulfed the girl and the butterfly, and then they were up in the air, soaring above the land, darting in and out of the clouds. The girl felt a complete joy that she had never felt before, and she realized that all of her problems – all of the dirt and filth that had weighed on her since before she could remember – were gone. She had left it all behind on the ground when she was taken up, higher than she could ever imagine. It was wonderful. *** The next morning found Hannah in a quiet and introspective mood. She felt as though she was awaiting something; for some small part of her refused to let go of a tiny, tiny pinprick of light. She kept this at the back of her mind throughout the day, and a tiny flame of hope began to spark within her. Outside, cars whizzed by and the world was busy with trivial, little things. The grass was green and started to glow as the descending sun’s rays cast their glances over the yard. A butterfly fluttered by, surfing along the gentle breezes that cooled the afternoon into early evening. As the sun clocked out for the day and melted across the unreachable border of the horizon, the students were being ushered into the Reflections Room, which was coming alive with the sound of music; voices reaching off and away to faraway lands and realms. The atmosphere was shifting as the energy continued and lifted up, up, and away, out into the night sky. That night, while sitting in the Reflections Room, something blew in on a breeze. A whisper stroked Hannah’s ear – an invitation. With a shrug of her shoulders and a small spark of hope, Hannah accepted the invitation. Right then and there, in that moment, something was suddenly revealed to Hannah, and she decided for once and for all that she was done with being sad. She was done with being oppressed. She was done with waking up in the morning and looking in the mirror, and hating what she saw. She made up her mind to be the best Hannah that she could be. Maybe once in a while she would stumble and fall down – she was a work in progress, after all. But she would never give up. She would get back up, and keep trying, and never, ever lose hope. Because right there, in that Reflections Room, Hannah found hope. She found the Truth – that someone out there loved her, and cared about her, and had big plans for her life. Hannah realized that she was alive – so someone must have cared about her enough that they went through the work and effort of making her – every single little part of her; from the smallest fiber of her being to the big, complex ideas that filled her mind. And her existence was worth something, deemed important and valuable enough by someone that she was created, and came into existence, and was still alive today. And so Hannah decided that she would not let anyone or anything stop her. She promised the universe that she would do her absolute best to be everything that she was dreamed of to be. *** The rest of the week went by in a blink. Now that Hannah had been given a revelation of the Truth, everything changed; the way she thought, the way she saw the world – everything was seen in a new light. Hannah thought that the classes had been great before, but now she realized that she had a truer understanding of what was being taught, and everything just… clicked. As more and more understanding and wisdom was poured into Hannah, the Truth continued to grow within her, giving her boldness and strength. *** It was an orange afternoon; the sun was slowly slinking its way across the sky, reluctant to retire to its rest below the divide. After a second (and third) round of good-byes to the other campers, the bus came, and with it the melancholy sweetness of a farewell. The bus had an old, musty smell and its worn seats were rusting at the edges. It smelled of the old life that the young woman had left behind, and at the same time invited an opportunity for a new chapter in her life. Undoubtedly, this new chapter would be difficult, perhaps the hardest chapter yet. The bus was also taking the young woman away from the place which held so many memories dear to her heart. Yet, what the young woman had experienced in this place – a genuine transformation – would stay with her, and she would carry it close to her heart wherever she went for as long as she lived. The young woman knew that she could stand anything, for she would always keep her hope; a flame, burning in the back of her mind, that would never go out. The bus rode off into the dark night, its headlights shining two friendly beams off into the distance.
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