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She's Lying
She’s hiding behind a fake smile. It isn't something that she enjoys, and it shows. She hates lying straight to everyone’s faces. She hates liars. And now she’s starting to hate herself. No, she doesn't want to hurt herself, but she hates who she has become. She hides behind something that she’s not. She puts up a wall to mask her emotions. She keeps herself busy to hide the pain that she feels. She knows that hiding, it is wrong, but she doesn't know what else to do? What is she supposed to do? Clearly bottling it up inside hasn't gotten her anywhere. She knows that she needs to “find her old self” because everybody else is missing it. She’s working on it; that’s what she promises.
She never thought of hurting herself. But that’s a lie, she has. But she could never go through with it. She’s too afraid. And she would never hurt her family like that. We don’t deserve it, we didn't do anything wrong. We’re just trying to help her through this.
She may seem happy, but never judge a book by its cover. Inside, she just doesn't know what she’s feeling. Sad, angry, guilty, all of the above. She just doesn't know how to keep going. She can’t do anything like she used to. She’s just bottled up her emotions. It’s not healthy for her. We’re worried that something terrible will happen. Very worried.
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"All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love." Leo Tolstoy