Done


My eyes are rolling to the back of my head. I am slowly slipping away. I can hear the ambulance siren coming toward where I was. I wanted to get up and run, but I couldn’t, so I just lay here on the cold, wet pavement as I leave this earth. Just as I wanted, to be free up in heaven with my big brother Nate. Wait, what if I don’t go to heaven- I – don’t want this, wake up Natasha, oh god!
“Natasha, wake up, get ready for school,” my mom yelled. I woke up in a misty room; my forehead was covered with little beads of sweat. I looked up at the alarm clock that I had personally built in my wall. It was 6 ‘clock. School started at 9:00. I’m up ma,” I yelled back. My mom was making Friday’s breakfast. I love Friday’s breakfast. Momma always made cheese eggs, chicken sausage, which is my favorite, and pancakes. I rushed out of bed and put on my Eastside Bay spirit wear, which were navy blue and gold sweats with our school eagle on the front. I was done getting my face washed, brushing my teeth and putting my clothes on by 6:30.
I ran downstairs and joined my mother and my father at the dinner table. This is the first time we actually had a real meal together since- well- my big brother died. My father wasn’t looking so tired anymore, neither was my mom. “Hey baby,” said my father as he got up to kiss and hug me. “Hey dad, everyone’s looking nice today,” I said, and this time they really were. Momma had on her new red Donna Karen dress and red heels that matched perfectly with her peanut butter complexion. My father had on his regular casual wear from H&M. A vest, some khakis, and a white dress shirt. We all ate and enjoyed our meal, and this time, without the awkward silence. We got done eating and talking by 7 o’ clock. I walk to school and on my way, my best friends Jayden and Latrice join me. I kissed my parents good bye and jetted out of the door. I wonder what’s gotten into them, something must be up.

I was walking down my street while I was having my daily imaginary talk with my big brother Nate. He doesn’t talk back but I like to imagine that he does, it makes me feel better inside. My brother Nate died because a man was drunk driving recklessly on the highway. My brother was on his way home from a football game that was in Chicago. They crashed into each other. I miss him so much. A tear went down my right cheek, I felt like that was the only thing warm inside my entire body. Before I knew it, Latrice had come out of her house and ran towards me. I quickly wiped my face. “Hey girl wassup?” Latrice asked.
“Nothing much, my parents seemed quite happy today, I wonder what’s going on with them, but I guess I’ll figure that out later,” I said.
“I guess,” said Latrice. There were a few moments of silence between us. Then came world’s craziest boy, Jayden.
“Wassup ladies?” said Jayden as he came up.
“Nothing,” we both replied. He hugged us. Jayden is kind of like another big brother to me. When I hug him it’s like I’m hugging a warm plush teddy bear that just makes you want to melt in its arms. His height is very intimidating to the normal size 9th graders. They call him “Big J.” “Yall wouldn’t believe what happened to me last night,” Jayden announced. Latrice and I already knew that he was going to blurt it out anyway, so we didn’t ask. “The hottest girl at Eastbay asked me to the dance this Friday!” Jayden boasted.
“What,” Latrice and I were stunned,” Amber asked you out?” we asked.
“Yup, and why you gotta act so surprised, you trying to say I can’t get a girl as fine as Amber?” he said sounding quite irritated. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just that I thought that she was going with Sean Starks, the cutest guy in school,” I explained. Jayden has kind of a dark complexion; he’s a little chunky, very pretty eyes that are like a golden color. He’s very handsome and has a big heart. Sean Starks on the other hand had a caramel complexion, he was tall but not as tall as Jayden, he had the perfect athletic body that always makes the ladies drool. He has a nice swagger that makes him seem like he’s one in a million. I almost drooled just thinking about him. We reached Eastbay High, at 8. “So are yall like a couple now?” Latrice questioned. I kind of had this feeling that she liked Jayden. I could always see it in her eyes every time she saw him. She would grin, and then try to hide it when she thought someone was looking. I have a feeling that they’re going to get together one day. We walked inside the school and had a great school day. When school was over I rushed home because my mom had sent me a text saying that she had a surprise for me. It didn’t take me long to reach the house. I busted through the door. “Hey Natasha,” said mom and dad simultaneously. “What’s the big news?” I said excitedly. The only big news I would’ve liked to hear, was that they had the power to bring my brother back to life. Both of my parents looked at each other then smiled. Then they yelled,” We’re having another baby!” they said. Just when I thought things were going good, my world came crashing down again. I ran crying to my room. “We’re having it next month,” Dad yelled after me. How can they do this? “I know they’re doing this just to replace Nate. They can’t do that. There is nothing that will erase the fact that he once had existence in our lives,” I yelled. That night, I had the scariest dream that I had ever had. I dreamt that Nate was telling me to kill myself so that I could die and come to heaven with him. The dream seemed so real and the idea seemed so tempting.
A couple of months later, we were in the hospital, It was 3:04 in the morning when mom was having the baby. The day was so dreadful; I began to build up lots of stress and anxiety. I began to lose control and I ran out of the hospital room.” Natasha come back,” yelled my dad as he started to chase me. I ran and ran, I ran to the back of the hospital, in a deserted alley. “I have to end this,” I whispered as tears began streaming down my face. I pulled out the pistol that I had stolen out of my father’s safe and cocked it. I could hear my father’s footsteps coming closer. I had to hurry. I put the gun to my head. “This is for you Nate,” I cried.
Bang! Nothing but a soft whimper came out of me. “Natasha!” my father yelled as he came up to where I was laying. I heard the ambulance sirens coming toward me. My eyes were rolling to the back of my head. I was slowly slipping away. I wanted to get up and run, but I couldn’t, so I just lay here on the cold, wet pavement as I leave this here earth. Just as I wanted, to be free up in heaven with my big brother Nate. Wait, what if I don’t go to heaven- I – don’t want this, wake up Natasha, oh god!
The next day I woke up in the hospital. I squinted my eyes as they were trying to adjust to the light in the room. I could see my father staring off into the sky blankly while he was sitting next to the window. I tried to get up but I winced in pain because my head was hurting like crazy. I let out a moan and my dad rushed to the bed. I could tell he had been crying because his eyes were puffy and red. I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t feel my legs. My dad handed me a notepad, just what I needed. I wrote,” I thought I died?” “The bullet somehow missed your brain, the doctor said that you probably would have to learn everything all over again, how to walk, talk, everything,” my father said as he began to sob. “I’m sorry,” I wrote.
A few weeks later I was well. I never felt better. Mom had the beautiful baby, it’s a girl. I always wanted a sister too. I had to go to the center for troubled teens as a part of my therapy. I was in a wheel chair. I realized that I had to let Nate go, but even though I will always miss him, I was done. Done.