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Old Timer

September 6, 2011
By Odessa_Sterling00 DIAMOND, No, Missouri
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Odessa_Sterling00 DIAMOND, No, Missouri
87 articles 108 photos 966 comments

Favorite Quote:
All gave some, some gave all. -War Veterans headstone.

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My hands are thin and wrinkled and my knuckles are knobby. My feet are sore from all the walking I have done and my knees are weak from standing tall for as long as possible. Now I am stuck in this bed with my photographs. The one I hold and look at the most is the one of me and you. High school. We were in high school. You were a senior, yes, I remember it all clearly. I was a junior, but no one cared. I had blond hair and you were tall. This was homecoming. I close my eyes and I see the stiff paper streamers around the old gym and the taste of watery punch spike with mystery alcohol. How I had always wished I could see you one more time, but now I'm nearing my time. Soon I will see you again and we can be young and happy, together forever.

© Kristen S., Orlando, FL

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This article has 5 comments.

ChocoMint SILVER said...
on Oct. 9 2011 at 2:05 pm
ChocoMint SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.&quot; - Anonymous <br /> <br /> &quot;Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.&quot; - Anonymous

View profile
Same here!  =+P
Odessa_Sterling00 DIAMOND said...
on Oct. 7 2011 at 3:00 pm
Odessa_Sterling00 DIAMOND, No, Missouri
87 articles 108 photos 966 comments

Favorite Quote:
All gave some, some gave all. -War Veterans headstone.

View profile
Oh, I see.  I have a thing for commas. (:
ChocoMint SILVER said...
on Oct. 6 2011 at 6:21 pm
ChocoMint SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.&quot; - Anonymous <br /> <br /> &quot;Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.&quot; - Anonymous

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Sorry, I phrased that wrong.  You have incorrectly punctuated compound sentences.  i.e.  "My feet are sore from all the walking I have done [COMMA] and my knees are weak from standing tall for as long as possible."  There are a few of those.    <><
Odessa_Sterling00 DIAMOND said...
on Oct. 6 2011 at 3:12 pm
Odessa_Sterling00 DIAMOND, No, Missouri
87 articles 108 photos 966 comments

Favorite Quote:
All gave some, some gave all. -War Veterans headstone.

View profile

Thanks for the feedback.

One thing, I don't see any run on sentences.

ChocoMint SILVER said...
on Oct. 6 2011 at 3:09 pm
ChocoMint SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.&quot; - Anonymous <br /> <br /> &quot;Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.&quot; - Anonymous

View profile
Very cute.  I love the small plot.  =+T Watch out for careless mistakes though.  You tended to have several run-on sentences.  Other than that, good job.  <><