The years seem to pass so quickly now. I remember when the doctor placed baby Emily in my arms. The moisture of salty happiness forming in my eyes. I remember cuddling her so close to my chest and wrapping her tightly in the little blue blanket. Her blue eyes gazing at me and her little toothless mouth smiling wide open. I can still feel the flutters in my stomach and my heart squeezing each time she squealed.
I remember the time little Emily first started to walk. She grabbed the coffee table and pulled herself up slowly with all her might. Her face was painted with determination. Her eyebrows frown and she would coo little words, that were so cute even though they didn’t make sense. About twenty minutes of struggling, she finally stood on her own. She let out a happy cry as she took little steps towards me, but then her tiny blue boots caught underneath the little blue blanket and she tumbled over. She just laid on her stomach and then bust into a bunch of giggles.
I remember one Christmas it was freezing. A blizzard was on the news and was suppose to head our way. Emily was about 5 years old, and had gotten a rotten cold and I had kept her in bed the whole week. I was in the kitchen fixing her a can of chicken noodle soup when I felt the icy breeze on my legs. I turned to see that the front door was wide open. I went to close it, but slipped on the water from the snow outside. I got up and groaned and closed the door. I looked at the floor and saw little wet footprints leading to the upstairs and I followed them. I stopped at the blue boots in the hallway and then looked at Emily’s door. I swung the door open and saw her taking off her jacket. Before I could open up my mouth, she turned around and put a small finger to her lips. Her cheeks were rosy red along with her nose. She pointed to the bed and moved. A little puppy laid on the bed covered up in the little blue blanket. “Sick mommy, sick. Puppy sick. He outside, I hear him crying mommy. Puppy crying so I go outside and I pick him up and bring him in.” I couldn’t be angry with her, I just got her undressed and put her in warm clothes and fed her the soup and gave her medicine. When she was done, she curled up next to the puppy and she held him all night in her little warm body.
I remember the first time she had got upset with me. She was about ten years old. She wanted to go to her friend Susie’s sleepover and I wouldn’t let her because she had not her chores and had been really fresh all week. She told me she hated me, the first “I hate you” was rough on me. But there was always more to come as she grew older. That night she packed her stuffed bear and a sandwich in her little blue blanket and tied it around a stick she got from the backyard. “I’m leaving” she said and opened the door. She had walked outside, but that was the week my husband was re-doing the front lawn. Her foot fell into one of the dug holes and she broke her ankle.
I remember the first time she brought home a boy. His name was Jacob Daniels. He was rather sweet, his carrot top head was full of bushy curls and his face splashed with a mixture of blemishes and freckles. He had asked her to the eight grade sock hop, and she was so excited. She had me buy her this cute poodle skirt and blue scarf to tie around her neck. She looked so beautiful that night. My husband pulled Jacob beside to have a “talk”. I could recall that Jacob turned 3 shades of red when he was finished. Emily had to make him hold her hand, when her father wanted to take a picture of all three of us.
I remember her graduation day. Her satin blue robe hung loosely at her sides, they had gotten it a little too big and her hat kept crooking to a side. She walked the big stage and got the blue ribbon tied diploma. Her smile illuminated all across the audience as I and other people began to clap for her and the senior class.
Then I….I remember the call that night. It was three o’clock in the morning, and my night stand phone rang. I picked it up to hear a tired woman’s voice on the phone. “Is this Mrs. Rebecca Charles?” I replied yes. The tired voice grew quiet for a moment then continued. “I am sorry, but there has been an accident.” The woman went on to tell me that Emily…Emily had been struck by a car that night. She and some friends were driving home from the graduation party, and a drunk driver had hit them. Emily was not wearing her seat belt when the car hit. The woman told me she had gone through…through the windshield and hit her head on a rock.
I remember running into the ICU and watching doctors flow in and out of her room. When I entered the room, my world stopped and I could not breathe. My Emily, my little Emily was not herself; she did not look like her at all. I had sat at her bedside and held her hand, letting the tears spill from my eyes. I watched as her chest was pumped up and down with a machine and several bandages were wrapped around her face and arms. Her leg was elevated from the bed in a cast on a sling. The doctor came in and explained that she had overcome massive head trauma and factures. He tried to explain the process of healing, but I didn’t want to listen. “When the body incomes an intense trauma such as this, it tends to shut down on itself in order to try and heal. I am sorry Mrs. Charles, this is very unfortunate. We won’t know when she will wake up.” I wanted to scream and I wanted to throw things. This was my baby girl, she had not even experienced the world yet. The doctor left and I began to smooth her hair back, praying to the Lord that all will be good. I had pricked my finger on something in her hair. I pulled out the tiny blue glass and sobbed.
May 30th 2005 I remember. It was a sunny day and the breeze was just right blowing off the ocean. Emily would have loved it.
I will never get the chance to remember Emily’s first day of college. I will never get the chance to remember Emily’s beautiful dress on her wedding day. I will never get the chance to remember Emily’s first child. I will never get the chance to remember Emily grow up into adult, and chase her dreams.
But I do remember, that day I spread Emily across the Earth’s big blue blanket.