“Nicole! Hey, wait up!” yelled a voice familiar to my ears. “I wanted to say that I’m so sorry for your loss. My family will be at the funeral. I’m so sorry Nicole.” said my friend Sarah, sympathy laced through the apology.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I retorted, pushing past her. I ran as fast as I could, the only noise was my sneakers slapping rhythmically against the asphalt of the school. Sarah yelled my name, but I wouldn’t go back. It has only been one week since the suicide of my sister. I remember the way I found Brianne laying haphazardly on the floor. Blood was staining the walls and her clothes, tainting my soul. Paramedics were rushing about, trying to revive the girl that once had so much life. No one could save her now. My parents were weeping after the loss of their ‘golden child’. I had always been the phantom of the family. The accident changed nothing, if anything it made it worse.

“Where am I?” I whispered to the air. The neighborhood was old and grimy. Shadows danced off the walls, watching me closely as if I were the perpetrator.

“Hey, you! Wanna try something new?” slurred a shabbily dressed boy, about 17. He looked fidgety and his eyes shifted, giving him away. Did I want to try something new? No, I just wanted to forget. Maybe this, whatever it is, could help.

“I don’t have any money.” I replied. He grabbed my waist and dragged me into the darkness. The light glinted off his teeth as he extracted a bag of white powder and a mirror from his pocket.

“I don’t want any money… I’m sure you can figure out some other way to repay me. Here, I’ll go first.” His smile was assuring, but his eyes were hypnotic, forcing me to nod my head. He poured some of the white stuff onto the mirror in two crooked lines and snorted his. Dirty, shaggy hair fell into his eyes. “Your turn.” whispered the boy. His hand was resting lightly on the small of my back as he pushed me to the ground. I knew I was going to do it, and so did he. Alarms were going off in my mind, but I was way past the point of caring. I just wanted to give up. I can never live up to Brianne anyways. How can anyone compare to someone that’s not there?

“Give me that.” I said harshly. Fear was flashing in my eyes, my hands were trembling.

“That’s a girl.” he sneered, a grin forming on his unshaven face. I gingerly placed the mirror under my chin, adjusting it slightly. On the count of three, I would do it. One, two, three. With one deep inhale I was knocking on the gates of heaven, asking God if he would let me in.