In a dimly lit dining room, my mother and I sit at the table as far away from each other as we possibly can. My eyes are glued to the syllabus that sits right beside me, but every so often, I tear one eye away from its pages to take a furtive glance at the fidgeting woman right across from me. And in an act of apathy, I place my eyes back to the small cluster of papers. My right hand carefully scans over the words, while my left clumsily delivers a forkful of spaghetti to my mouth.

    Of course, it would be a fib to say that I wasn’t curious about the fidgeting woman. Thirty minutes had slowly passed by and the light outside seemed to be fading more quickly than ever. But yet, the fidgeting woman had barely touched her food except for a few nibbles here and there of her chicken parmesan and some drinks of her wine to complement it. What was sips evolved into wild gulps and with each finishing glass, her hand instinctively went back to the wine bottle that creeped closer and closer to her plate. And every time she took a gulp, the fidgeting woman kept her eyes on me before quickly dropping her eyes and resuming her squirming again. Her eyes swiftly took a look at the almost dead light bulbs that failed to properly illuminate us both. It went to the front door. Then, it soon found itself in front of a phone screen, departed amicably, and the two eyes landed on me again. 

    “Kaly, we, um, we…” Mother struggled to find the words and immediately looked down as if she was hoping to find them sparsely dispersed right by her feet. Instead, she simply lifted her hand and gestured with her index finger for me to come. Her eyes still remained on the floor even when I pulled out a neighboring chair and sat down. And with a deep breath, she finally had the courage to meet my eyes once again while straightening herself up in her chair and interlocking her hands together which lay on top of the table. “Kaly,” she started again, “we need to talk.”

    Despite my brain ready to ignite an anxiety attack right there and then, I tried to swallow my apprehensions behind and answer with a passive “yeah”. Underneath the dining table, I began to nervously twiddle my thumbs together. 

    Mother took another breath before continuing the conversation. “Kaly, you remember Hoppy and Michaela, right?”

    At this exact moment, I could feel my heart racing and slight nausea knocking on its door. But through shallow breaths and the quickened tapping of my foot, I tried to keep calm. But yet again, I could already feel the sweat forming on my palms and nightmares emerging from the deep and dark crevices of my brain once again. I bit my tongue and tried to blurt another similarly passive “yeah”.

“Well,” Mother continued with her voice steadily falling, “Hoppy had called me earlier today. He said that the both of them were evicted from their apartment after multiple complaints from neighbors about some…disturbances and they-”

“No,” I said. I crossed my arms against my stomach as I kept a steady gaze on the floor. “They can’t come here.”

Mother gave out an exasperated sigh before going on. “Now, Kaly, I know this situation is less than ideal, but it’s only going to be a few months, I promise. And soon-”

“Does Dad know about this?” I broke away my gaze to spot a glimpse of Mother. She stayed silent and stumblingly went back to her wine. I returned my gaze back to the floor as I quietly whispered. “Because you promised him that Hoppy wouldn’t be allowed in the house when I’m still here.”

“I understand that sweetie but the situation is more complicated than that, okay.”

“So, you’d rather break a promise that you made to both me and Dad. Got it? Since Dad’s now gone and he started his own family, you just have the right to blatantly ignore everything he -”

“It’s not like that!” Shocked by her own random outburst, Mother briefly covered her mouth and took a breath. “It’s not like that. They’re both exhausted of all their options. Micheala’s parents are in Florida right now and she has no other close family nearby. Your father refuses to take both of them in-”

“For good reason.”

“And so, they’re staying with us for a bit.”

“And why can’t they just live in a hotel for the meantime.”

“Kaly.”

“That would undoubtedly be better for all of us.”

“Kaly, Hoppy is family whether you like or not and he’s going to stay with us. Honestly, don’t you think the two of you are both old enough to not have this petty feud go on already?”

“Feud?!” I felt the anger quietly, yet quickly, replacing the anxiety that coursed through my veins as I sprinted from my chair. And unlike Mother, I didn’t bother to calm down. “Is Hoppy locking me in a closet and not letting me out for five hours just a little feud? And what about Hoppy actively chasing me with scissors saying that he wanted to kill me? Oh, and my favorite! Remember when Hoppy tore my entire room upside down for no reason at all. Normal fun. Just a normal sibling rivalry. Nothing to see here, folks! Not like it’s…it’s…”

And just like any other high, the anger quickly dissipated and the anxiety came rushing back, much larger than before. My entire body was soaked up in sweat while I felt my stomach turning at every moment. Nausea was just about ready to step out of the door. I tried to shake it off, but everything that it seemed like no matter what I tried, the intensity of every symptom dramatically increased. The sweat, the nausea, the shaking, my heart that was about to explode from my chest. In a last-ditch effort, my hands sprang up towards my face and as I slowly peeked out an eye, I saw the entire world move in circles, becoming more and more dizzyingly. “Kaly,” Mother said, her voice now weirdly scrambled and distorted, “are you okay?” She gingerly placed a hand on my thigh, but my body, already drowned in irrational fear, instantaneously reflexed, making me stumble backwards on the floor. “Kaly?”

I tried bringing myself up from the floor. I ran away, my legs becoming weaker and weaker. My surroundings were becoming a mesh of colors that were spinning together. And soon, I collapsed onto the cold hard floor, with only the blinding kitchen lights to comfort me. Breathe, I tried telling myself, breathe, but it felt like every time I took a breath, another two were stolen from me.The quiet echoes of Mother rushing into the kitchen slowly became louder. The clinking of glass and rushing water were the only sounds that seemed clear in sensory mess.

“Kaly,” Mother said while a humanlike figure approached me. “Kaly, I want you to breathe, okay. Just breathe.” She handed me the glass of water. My hand was still shaking and was struggling to keep the glass steady. Mother lent her hands and helped bring the glass of water towards my mouth. “C’mon,” she urged on, “drink some of the water.” I took a sip. The dizziness started to calm down and I started to breathe a little bit more easily. I quickly took another. “Are you okay?” she said, her eyes widened with fear. 

I stood up, my legs still a little bit weak, and stared right at her in the face. And with no regrets at all, I exclaimed, “I hate you!” before running upstairs to my bedroom, crying.