An “Epic” Journey

~1~

You were walking down the street, alone. The street was empty. If you listened hard enough, the faint noise of car horns from the nearby highway could just be made out.

You had already missed dormitory curfew and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to turn around. Not this time anyway.

And then you stopped.

A shadow appeared under the solitary ring of yellowy light casted by a single street lamp.

You could feel your heart rate speeding up as the outline of the shadow slowly cleared into the outline of a boy. A boy with straw-colored hair and a half-empty beer bottle in his hand.

You deliberately look in another direction and crossed the street. You don’t need this kind of debate right now.

You were about to pass him when you felt a tingling sensation on your back like you were being watched.

Your gaze shifted upwards and found that he was staring at you. From this angle, his face seemed a bit vague. Not hard to look at, but vague like the over-photoshopped pictures on Instagram. But this vagueness was strangely calming. You had always disliked people with sharp features.

“Where to?” He slurred. His voice also had a strange distorted quality like jazz being played in an old record player.

“The beach.” You felt compelled to answer.

He nodded.

“But then you would know,” You continued, “you are a part of this plan.”

“It’s late.” He commented, raising his beer bottle as if to salute your bravery or mock your idiocy.

He didn’t look like he was expecting an answer. His last remark seemed to be addressed to the occasional twinkle of stars in the sky.

You stayed motionless and was a little bewildered. You were expecting him to argue with you like countless other times before, but now he just seemed nonchalant.

You knew what this scenario would seem like to any passerby, and realized for the first time that under this circumstance, neither of you was superior to the other.

You were both just lunatics, staring each other from across the street with a few feet of darkness in between.

Or maybe it is just you, talking to a square foot of empty space.

The silence stretched on, merging itself with the endless darkness on the street. In fact, the only light source seemed to be the single lamp that he was standing under.

“You know, I probably won’t be able to catch the subway anyway.” You said.

He nodded again. “Guess you never planned this that thorough then.”

“Please, I don’t need this kind of snarky remarks tonight.” You put your face in your hands and almost felt like sobbing.

“But the bus stop is right around the corner.” He lifted his head towards a place on his far left.

“You coming or what?” You asked.

You were trying to make eye contact, but he averted your gaze.

~2~

The bus came at exactly 11 pm.

He followed you on board.

“This is good, right?” You asked. “You followed me up the bus. You are not real. You are a materialization of my doubts. If you decided to follow me, then it means I really have no other options then.”

“Not entirely true.” He said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s just because your doubts are tired of arguing with you. If you really made the right decision, I would cease to exist. The fact that we are talking means you are not too determined yourself.”

You kept quiet.

The bus rumbled onwards into the darkness.

You pressed your face up against the window and stared into the night.

The darkness suffocated you.            

Everything suffocated you.

You didn’t have the urge to cry, or to shout, or to hesitate. You only felt tired.

Tired to the bone.

“I remember you used to like long bus rides.” He said, ripping the silence apart.

“I liked a lot of things before.” You murmured.

“I remember there was this one time where you sat for four hours on a circular line.” He continued as if he didn’t hear you, “You sat until you saw the sunset. It was beautiful. Like those classic scenes in a movie.”

He tapped on the bus window and the night before your eyes transformed into a glorious sunset.

The color was a light shade of warm orange. You remembered that seemingly meaningless trip. Back then, it reminded you of the flowers in Paris, of warm ocean breezes, of a city that was both loud but tranquil and all the other beautiful things in the world.

You shook your head and the vision disappeared.

The night was dark once more.

“You also liked creeks in woods. You know, the kind where they have autumn leaves floating on it.” He added on second thought.

The night once again disappeared into a beautiful scenery of maple trees, soil and foliage, and a clear little gentle creek.

“Come on now!” You turned to face him. “I haven’t even seen one in real life before. This is a damn desktop picture!”

“I admit that I am a bit desperate.” He said. “But Japanese curry is always delicious.”

“Great. I’ll bear it in mind when the time comes.” You said.

The bus driver seemed oblivious to his only passenger as he maneuvered the rickety bus through the twists and turns of the suburbs.

“We are getting close.” You said.

“How do you know?” He asked.

“I just know.” You said.

“You just know?” He repeated. “Like the time you made the worst decision of your life?”

“You could have had so many chances to explore, to enjoy, to love…”

The nigh dissolved into fast-changing pictures at his words. You saw waves with white foam, morning dew on a leaf… The most extraordinary colors appeared in front of your eyes only to disappear at the next second. Peculiar yet fascinating shapes that only appeared in your wildest dreams loomed over the bus.

You turned away from the window, away from the most beautiful and worthwhile things in the world.

“I’m tired.” You said.

And with that sentence, the night was quiet again.

~3~

The bus screeched to a stop.

You stepped out of the bus and he followed.

The beach was empty at half past 12 in the night. Only the sound of the wave hitting the shore could be heard.

You kicked off your shoes. The sand was rough with little pieces of rocks sticking out and it made your feet bleed.

“You are bleeding.” He said.

“I know.” You acknowledged.

The two of you stood side by side, facing the ocean.

“Why are you still here?” You looked at him. “I’m one step away from the ocean. I have made up my mind. I shouldn’t have any doubts now.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t.” He said.

“You are a part of my delusion. You are the materialization of my doubts. You should disappear.” You insisted.

“Yeah, I probably should.” He said.

You shifted your gaze back to the ocean and sighed.

You unzipped your backpack and squeezed in two particularly large rocks.

“I suppose you aren’t going to help me with this?” You looked at him and asked.

“No.” He answered.

You zipped the backpack and fastened it on your back.

“Well, goodbye then, my crazy delusion.” You said.

He didn’t answer.

You took a deep breath and broke into a run. You could feel the wind in your ears and the splashing sound of water as your feet hit the wet sand beneath the ocean. You ran until your heart felt like it was bursting. You ran until you couldn’t feel the sand anymore. You kept on moving forward as your head slowly went under. And you thought you heard someone splashing towards you.

The rocks were dragging you down.

It was dark and cold.

There was water, everywhere.

You could feel the bitter salty water filling up your lungs as they screamed for air.

In one millisecond, you saw all those wonderful sceneries like pictures on a film. Those fascinating shapes, those warm sunsets, those gentle creeks…

And then you said goodbye.

Your arms stopped flailing and your legs stopped kicking.

The sink seemed to be taking forever as you traveled further down into the darkness.

~4~

Before you lost consciousness, vaguely, you felt a force lifting you up, carrying you, until you felt the sand beneath your feet again.

You woke up at the brim between the shore and the ocean. The waves must have carried you there.

You were alone.

And it was the time of dawn.

The sun slowly appeared at the horizon, coloring the clouds first into a deep shade of red, then mauve, then orange, and then a pure shade of gold.

You watched with your hair dripping wet and the backpack still on your shoulders.

It was a thousand times more epic than anything you have ever witnessed or experienced.

You looked down and a line of words was scribbled on the sand just above the watermark.

“It is epic to be alive.”

Your backpack hit the ground with a thud, and that was when the tears came.