“DAD” I yelled because I needed help with the crazy animals. Dad helped me and told me he had really big news for me! Whatever it was I hope it’s good whatever it is I can take it on even if it is terrible I hope. I went inside and he sat me down and began to talk.

“Lauren, I have to move for work sweetie, don’t worry I will try to send money every month for anything you will need.” I felt devastated I will miss my dad so much but I had to say something, but I couldn’t. I know that I won’t be able to handle this and everything is just going to go wrong just because I have that bad of luck.

Have you ever had a feeling like a giant pit in your stomach? That is what I’m feeling right now and it feels horrible. Dad started talking but it was all a blur and I don’t know what he is saying but it is something about he will teach me what to do with the animals. Then it all hit me...the animals...the farm. I was so mad I didn’t know what to do, so I went upstairs and slammed my door shut.

I went straight  for my pillow and under that my dairy. That’s where I keep all my feeling and facts about me and when I get bored or frustrated I write down anything anyone would need to know about me.

Dear Diary,

Today I found out that my dad is going to move for work and I can’t go with him. I know I’m 16 but still, he is leaving me and I’m not ready for him to leave. My biggest fear is losing someone and I’m scared I’m going to lose him when he’s gone. Not like him dying but something really bad happening and he can’t come home or just him never being able to come home. I will never be able to tell him this because he wouldn’t go and he needs to go but I don’t want him to. I have to do everything by myself because grandpa can’t do anything because he is so sick and he is getting better but still I can’t handle all this. I wish I could just go back to when we lived in Florida and we were all a family and even mom was there. Sometimes I forget there was a time when it wasn’t just my dad and grandpa. I feel really bad about it and I wished I never felt that way but I can’t help it. She’s been gone for so long and sometimes I forget what it was like before. Now it is gonna be like I lost both my parent because I will have no one.

It was time for dinner and I decided that I wanted to go downstairs and talk about what was going to happen when dad left. Grandpa wasn't capable of taking me to school and paying for all the bills I mean he could barely cook his health was so bad. I went downstairs to talk to dad and he explained it all to me and I was going to have to be homeschooled which wasn’t a bad thing because I didn’t really talk to anybody and I was kind of sick of that building.It just was so sad looking like it knew nobody really wanted to be there. Dad was going to give us money every month for anything we needed. I felt more closure knowing everything was going to be ok and I decided that I could handle doing some things on my own. I went back up to my room after I decided I wasn’t hungry and didn’t do my homework for school because my dad called the school to unenroll me. Now I can’t see my best friend Emma and she doesn’t even have a phone so I can’t talk to her great...I just lost another person in my life. At least I don’t have to see my enemy Jordan. She is so mean. She is so stuck up and she always has a opinion and nobody ever asks for it. That’s the only plus.

It was time for my dad to move and he had to teach me how to do all the animal stuff on my own even the things only he did. I helped him pack and he finally had to leave.  I couldn’t go with him because grandpa couldn’t leave and we had to take care of him because he is very ill. Once he left I was really devastated and he had only told me a week before which kind of was out of the blue. I decided to go straight to bed because I wanted to get lots of things done tomorrow.

I got up and had to tackle a lot of things today like having to make grandpa coffee which was the least of my worries right now. I had no idea how to do anything then I heard a knock on the door. I saw my neighbors who I had never talked to. They just wanted to check in and bring us some lasagna. It’s not like someone died but I wasn’t going to turn them away I mean I like lasagna a lot. I went inside and my grandpa was acting weird so I went to take him to the doctor. We came back an he was fine so we ate the lasagna our neighbors brought us. The neighbors came over tonight again an brought us cake because she thought we couldn’t do anything apparently.

My Grandpa was acting really weird even though I took him to the doctor yesterday, but I still think something is wrong. I’m probably just overreacting, so I went outside to get the animals under control. I quietly slid through the glass door because my grandpa was sleeping on the couch. I went to go put a blanket on him but he didn’t move and he was really cold. I think something is wrong. I called an ambulance because I didn’t know what was wrong. Finally, a doctor came out and he had some news.

It was the next day and the results came back and were not good they said it could be a stroke, a heart attack, or something seriously wrong with his heart. I had to call my dad which was going to be hard.

“Dad something is seriously wrong” I said frantically

“What” he responded worried

“Grandpa is in the hospital”

“Oh no what’s going on tell me everything”

“He only has a few more days to live”

“Oh no what are they gonna do”

“They don’t know what was wrong”

“Well keep me updated ok”

“Wait, can you come here and get off work?”

“No honey I’m sorry”

“It's ok”

“Ok I’m sorry I love you”

“I love you too”

“ Keep me updated”

“Ok I will”

I had to go see grandpa and the doctors told me what was wrong. He had a stroke and a bad one. They don’t know how long he’ll live but said I should go home and get rest. How do they expect me to get rest when I am worried about my grandfather dying. I didn’t go home and the doctors came back out and had news for me.

“I’m so sorry,” said the doctors

“No no what happened?” I responded back

“We couldn't do anything he was just too sick”

“He died?”

“Yes we are very sorry for your loss”

“I..I..I.I can’t believe... I..I...I have to go”

I am so devastated I need to go and call my dad but all I really want to do is curl up in my bed and cry because my grandpa and I are supposed to take this on together and now I have to deal with everything all by myself

“Ok take all the time you need’

“Just go I need to call my dad”

“ok “

I have to call my dad, if I call him that means that everything is real it actually happened. I have to. Deep breathes I keep telling myself. It’s dailing, now some more, voicemail. Great that's just what I need right now. Finally, he’s calling.

“Hello sweetie” he said in a very calm voice

“Hi dad” I said in a very sad worrisome voice

“What's wrong” He responded in a very clear change of tone, almost scared

“Something bad just happened”

“What...What is it”

“It’s grandpa...he uh he died, dad”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I think so he died around 30 minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry and I’m sorry I can’t come home”

“It’s ok”

“No, it’s not I haven’t been a dad when you truly need it you need a real dad”

“No dad your perfect”

“I love you

“I love you too dad”

“I have to go I’ll call you later”

I can’t believe that I just made that phone call, It’s actually true. Deep breathes, Deep breathes, I heard someone say to me. I looked back and it was my mom. How can it be, she... she’s gone she passed away 5 years ago, she can’t be here. She is sitting right next to me though. She looks so real though she is wearing the shirt she always wore. I had a moment where all my worries went away and it was like she was here again.

“I know you are worried but everything will be ok” she told me

“How do you know you aren’t even here, I’m crazy I’m talking to my dead mom”

“I just know that you will be ok, I just know everything will be ok you have always my strong little fighting girl, I hope you always know that I love you even though you can’t tell that I do”

I am hallucinating I know I am she's not really here. I can’t really be talking to her but it was like when we would sit on the couch and have so many good talks, she always knew how to calm me down.I took a few deep breaths and looked back. She was gone. Just like that gone. What do I do the car is at home I have nobody right now. I need to get home. I called a uber and they came and took me home. I already basically was doing a lot on my own but still.

The animals. I need to feed them.

“Why do you guys have to be the hardest to deal with on my worst days?” Like they're gonna respond.

“You guys must think I am crazy, you're giving me some weird looks, you guys definitely think I am crazy. But even the thought of having someone to talk to made me feel better so I kept talking to them.”

Time to go to the store. At least when grandpa was still here I didn’t have to go shopping but I guess that’s one of the many things I’ll have to deal with. I was getting so many weird looks like what are you doing here, are you lost? Where are you mom and dad? But anyways now time to go to the animal store. Now I have to go and pay the bills. Check. Done. Phew. Finally. I am done. What else to do. Nothing. Now I have to do this every other week. What the heck. I need to call dad. I can’t do this anymore he needs to come home.

“Dad” I started talking

“Yes,” he said sounding concerned

“You need to come home,” I said frantically

“I’m trying”

“I can’t do this anymore at least not alone”

“Do what?”

“Do this what grandpa did, all the adult stuff”

“I know sweetie I know I’ll try to come home sometime this month”

“Permanently?”

“Yes”

“Ok love you”

“Love you too”

Sometime this month that meant soon. Today is let’s see, um March 16. That’s soon, but not soon enough I can’t deal for that long. At least he's gonna come home I hope at least. Knock Knock. Who’s here

“Hello”

“Hi I’m Mrs. King from right across the street”

“Oh ok”

“I’m so sorry for your loss, and your dad isn’t even here, oh and your mom. This must be so hard for you. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah it’s pretty hard but it’s ok I’ve made it this far”

“Well I’ll get out of your hair, here's this pie I made you it’s not much but it’s something.”

“Thank You cherry? That’s me and my dad’s favorite, but not grandpa’s his is...was blueberry.”

“Oh sweetie I’m so sorry”

“Ok I better get to eating”

“Ok bye again I’m so sorry for your loss”

“Bye!”

I will be getting more of those, I bet. I dug straight into the pie. Yummm. I hope my dad comes back soon. I hope by the end of the week, not the end of the month that’s just too long. I hope he’s almost here. Knock Knock, ug not another one.

“Hello,” I said sounding annoyed

“Hi,” someone said

I looked up and

“Oh my gosh”

“What is there something on my shirt”

“Dad”

“Seriously is there tell me”

“Dad stop!”

“Come here, sweetie.”

“You came home”

“Yeah I did I know you needed someone and that’s my job.”

He came inside and talked about so much, he finally noticed the pie that was sitting right next to him.

“Is that cherry pie”

“You’ll be the judge of that”

“Yes ma’am”

We both dug in and yummm I was thinking and I know that my dad was too

“You better not leave again”

“I won’t” he assured me

We then both heard a knock at the door

“Oh no not again”