Lou~

“Anyone can be a hero with superhuman powers,Lo,it takes a real one to be a hero with the human powers you have.” My father used to say this to me every night before bed. Tucked up in the covers,drowsy and sleepy-eyed, I didn’t pay much attention to him. Because, as a kid, you never expect things to change,because everything just makes sense as it. Another thing my father told me before he left was “Heros are only born out of disaster, none of them have perfect lives, Lo, you must remember that.” I had rolled over muttering “yea, yea I know.” But I didn't know. In fact, I want to go back right now, roll back over, and spend infinity in my dad’s arms learning his secrets and memorizing his face. Because as a kid, you never expect things to change.

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My mother was the best. She loved my father with all her heart, so much so that she never seemed to have enough room for me. But that was ok, because dad was the link that connected us. When we were together, my chest was so full of happiness, I was certain that if we had any more, we would all explode  into a million pieces of gold glass. But we did get more. When my brother,Teo came, it was like heaven itself had been recreated between the four of us. I was the luckiest kid in the world. Until pa died. Then we fell apart.

Ma, who had only lived for dad’s kiss on her cheek every morning had jumped off the roof to join my father in death. Teo and I lived in foster care for a while but Teo spent most of his childhood in the hospital. And I, I lived empty. All that happiness in my chest turned to tar and drowned out all the hope. My new mother,Mrs.Lee, tried to make me act like the other kids,comforting my seven-year old self with soup,siblings, and more toys than I ever knew what to do with. She thought she could replace my mother and I hated her for that, I refused to eat, I fought with the others, and I broke the toys because I liked to make things break more than anything. I liked to see them become like me. I went to college, got a job, and now live normally. Alone. When I was younger, my father always told me I was destined to be a hero but I’m pretty sure he just said that because I was in my superhero phase then. I’m no hero. What a childish thought.

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Teo’s house is a mess. A collection of old magazines and garbage he forgot to pick up. Despite being four years younger than me,he always looks older with his round glasses and almost wrinkly face. Me and Teo never got along very well, he had been only three when our parents died, and was four when he got sick and stayed in the hospital until I was old enough to bail him out. He barely remembered them.Mom and Dad. But I remember how much Dad loved Teo..Even Mom had carved a small space for him in her heart full of my father.

“Hey” I say to the heap of a person seated at the computer desk. He doesn't look up from his game, only managing a grunt of acknowledgment. Typical Teo, always so self absorbed. I suddenly feel very angry, an emotion that has very quickly become a recurring event since the death of Dad. I scrunch my face at him, “Look at you! E, you haven't even moved from when I last saw you! Did you even apply for that technician job so that you can possibly pay your rent instead of begging me!” Teo turns around in a flash, pointing an accusatory finger at me “I told you not to call me that Lo!”

E, it’s what my dad called Teo. I’m surprised he even remembers that about him. My dad had always called Teo, E and me, Lo, instead of Lou. I look at him with fire “Fine,Teo,” I snarl, “When are you planning to get a job?” Silence. In a huff, I slam the door behind me, leaving E to his drunken and bare half-life, but then again, who am I to talk?

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“You know Lo, I love you,” my father said. I grinned and asked him to tell me one more story. He smiled a bit but shook his head. “Sorry,Lo, your mother and Teo need me more right now.” From my small bedroom came E’s whines. I never was bothered by my father’s love for Teo or Ma, because he had always made me feel special, different. He made me feel like a Hero.

Breathing in, I thought about Teo. All that he had. He had friends, a loving girlfriend, a home, a talent, and he was throwing it all away again. Not knowing...not knowing how much I would give for his life. I huff down the road, stomping so hard, my footprints sink three inches in the snowy sludge of dreary January. I bump into a young woman holding a toddler by the hand and utter a pardon but she stops me. “Sir,I'm sorry, but it looks like you could use this more than me.” She hands me a muffin, old and hard, but, as I look closer at the woman, I realize that this muffin..is probably all she has to eat. She is dressed in greasy, torn clothes and carries plastic bags on each arm holding a variety of cheap baby diapers. “No, I couldn't miss-” I start, but she stops me. “It's alright sir, I have to lose a few pounds anyway.” I look at her belly, and, yes, it’s round, but definitely not from eating. She’s pregnant.

I take the muffin from her and in the same motion slip her a hundred dollar bill. She protests but I ignore her, silently wishing I had given her two or three more, I could’ve certainly afforded it. All of a sudden I’m angry again. This time at myself for being such a cheap and selfish b*****d.

I go home hating myself for yelling at Teo and screwing our relationship up more. The incident with the pregnant lady makes me feel even more like a conceited, jerk, hypocrite brother.

I sit on my bed with a sigh, putting my head in my hands.

When did my life change God? Where did it go from bedtime stories to bedtime fights? At what point did I transition from a carefree child to a serious businessman? Why, God, why, has my life turned out this way?