I appreciate the feedback. The narrator first of all, is a girl, though I didn't specify in the piece. She is freaked out because why the heck are there videos of her on the screen? Who took them? was she being stalked?

I realize that it doesn't flow quite as smoothly as I would have liked, but this was just a fun piece, more for the idea than the writing.

As for the ‘room with the doors’ you mentioned, that is the corridor she’s been running down all along. I figured that restating it would be unnecessary.

And, the ‘I jump and run closer to the screen, farther from the door. It flies open’ I assumed since I had literally just said door, it would make sense, since the door was closed and she couldn’t see the monster.

I really appreciate the feedback! Thanks for the critiques. Oh, and I put it under ‘science fiction’ not ‘historical fiction’ so I have no idea how it ended up under ‘historical fiction’.

I think that you have a great idea, but some of your diction could be revised to better communicate your story.

First: the section where the narrator is running through the halls of his mind and finds the first video (sees himself when he's five years old). Honestly, I don't see anything particularly scary about riding a tricycle. Why is he 'freaked out?' Did something traumatic occur a few minutes later? Why is the narrator frightened by that image?

Second: there is the phrase "favorite backpack in between my shoulder blades." I understood what you meant, but in order to make your piece as smooth as possible, I think it would be wise to change a couple of words.

Third: the scene with the doors. It would have helped if you noted the fact that the narrator had left the halls or found himself in a large room, whatever shape, with what seemed like thousands of doors, some of which he could not even reach or something, you know? Unless the corridors were lined with thousands of doors... Either way, a little more detailing with the scenery could have helped.

Fourth: there is a bit of confusion between "I jump and run closer to the screen, farther from the door" and "It flies open, the dark creature...." I think you meant that the door flew open and the creature jumped out, but the way the you phrased it, the monster could be flying open o.0 So.

Again, the concept is good. You were consistent with your verb tenses and I did not see any noticeable spelling or grammatical errors. I especially liked the fact that the narrator was running through the halls of his mind with tennis shoes. That was an interesting detail.

I guess this is sort of historical fiction.

Well, keep writing!