"Nevertheless," River said, rolling her eyes, "I don't want to be obliterated."

    "Even for the glory of the-"

    "Even for the glory of the sontaren empire," River interuppted, sighing. Strax. She was standing in a small back alley, impatiently tapping her foot. "Now, will you let me in?"

     Strax sighed and said, "I suppose so. But follow me. If you don't step on the floor tiles in the right pattern, they will explode on impact!" Strax looked pleased with himself. 

     "Seriously?" River rolled her eyes, but followed Strax through the front hall.

    "Ah! River Song. What brings you to Paternoster row?" Asked Vastra when River was seated in the tea room, with Jenny acting as the maid she sort-of-was-but-mostly-wasn't, serving them tea. The Jenny sat next to Vastra. Strax hovered nearby.

     "The Doctor is in trouble," River began. SHe paused to look momentarily exasperated, then continued. "As always."

     "Tell me everything." Vastra encouraged, leaning forward.

     "A prison," River continued. "The Doctor, and Jack, are now Stormcage prisoners, instead of me." She sighed as Jenny raised her eyebrows. "Long story."

    "I am prepared to listen."

    "Okay, maybe not a very long story. It began with his fez, belive it or not."

(Flashback)

   The Doctor raced around the room his Tardis had landed in, very exited. "Never been to a planet made entirely out of ice, belive it or not! Only planets with frozen carben dioxide, or... Okay, I've never been to a planet made of fresh water. Well-"

  "We get it," River said, rolling her eyes. "There are conditions."

   "Still, this is cool!"

   "Literally. A planet made of ice," River said, very anoyyed. "And you promised us a tropical beach on Blouie IV."

    "Well-"

    "Seriously? A castle made of ice?" Clara asked.

    "Cool, isn't it?"

     "Like I said, very litarally so." River sapped. Yeah, she was a bit mad. Then again, she was freezing, wearing a summer dress in an ice castle.

    "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Boomed a loud voice from down the hall. "TREASON!" The blue guard exclaimed, pointing at where the Doctor had set his Fez on a statue's head.

 (Back to present)

"And that's how it happened."