About 5 fearsome figures conquering earth

Sitting deep in the darkest, dankest, depths of hell sits a castle ordained with the bodies of the vanquished.  Therein lay a room decorated with drapes of human flesh and carpets of hair and most importantly a giant table constructed from human bones. Gathered around that table were five fearsome figures.  First was Balsac, his war axe gleamed, he was a loyal knight. The others were named Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmak da Gusha, Flattus Maximus and Oderus Urungus. Beefcake was very strong, Flattus was greedy and rich, but an excellent fighter he was. Oderus Urungus was the commander and skilled swordsman, and Jizmak was the leader of the legion. They were bloodthirsty brutes that even the devil himself won't mess with. They sat at the table, their glasses lay empty so Jizmak shouted at the tribe to bring them their feast for they were always hungry for something whether it be blood, war, or just something to eat. They sat there angry until the catering arrived, they brought the strongest of ales, drugs and food, four hundred mule loads high. Flattus maximus did supply these loads of goods. These blood thirsty five ate until the were full and drunk.  Beefcake the Mighty who was ready to start a fight asked “What now, we killed and conquered everything in hell”. Jizmak da gusha replied “Everything in hell? Really? I thought we had one weak rebellion to put down, but if that doesn't satisfy you, what about the world up above, the plane of the living, they would be a easy to take”. Flattus Maximus stated “It would be much fun, more to fall under our control, the blood running under our feet and the thrill of battle. Not only that their souls will be ours”. Oderus Urungus “ let’s lay waste to the living plane!” They all cheered and gather their weapons waiting to conquer. Them being drunk didn’t even make a plan. Gods saw that the hell was stirring so he created the Black pope. His name was given for he was not for peace, but would protect the world that god has created with violence. The pope raised an army, all were born holy, and readied them for the slaughter that would ensue. The five brutes started their journey and slay without a plan and bring death to the cities of man. They started their battle in southern africa, terror did rise as they brought the Aids with them this time. They slaughter everyone until africa was fully conquered. The black pope finally realized where they have started and strategically placed his defences around africa, which africa was like the bitter fruit she had tasted, the slaughter was great and it wasn’t pleasing to her. She set up here base of operations in Germany, Oberammergau, an industry which, when the black plague came has protected its citizens. There she fitted her army with helmets of holy metal. The army, freshly painted 100,000 battalions of knights, which were newly sainted, but before they fought they were vaccinated. They started for africa, the army marched in the valley, shields glimmering in the sun. They sent scouts out into the thick brush. They first let out their call which signals they are near, but soon after they issued a warning, which meant they are coming for us. The war barges, forecastles swarming, then a low drone of the horning.  Nuclear salvo were the five hellish warriors came from. Within a second ten legions were roasting. Balzac said with a gleam in his eye “Did you feel something.” He the lord was not boasting. The enemy vast steel carpeting the terrain, armor detrains. The five slaughtered about 10,000 battalions so the Black pope sent forth a captain, OJ by his name. Flattus saw him approaching and swung his sword and it burst through the helmet, hit him in the brain, made two parts of the mind. He chopped through his gorget, through chest and into spine and Flattus said “so ends cowards time.” The good captain's blood flowed like wine as he crumbled to the floor. A soldier came running over the horizon, with a poleaxe, screaming. His name was Regis a powerful foe, one of the army's best soldiers. Balsac got angry, he doesn't want to hear anymore, so he hurls his axe with great effort, the axe came with such a force, that his shield breaks and his poleaxe snapped. The axe ripped through his chest and torso. The bright blood leaked, and his guts hanging out of his body. With that axe another soul leaves this world Just as it leaves its body. Jizmak said, “That was a heavy blow.” They fought for days until they were at Germany. 30,000 battalions lay dead in their wake. Beefcake the Mighty, blood covered his armor, was having the time of his life. His sword falls, and skull burst into two. The eyes burst from the soldiers sockets. He is not through with the soldiers yet, he does this to thousands of warriors. He piled the bodies of those he slew. He did this until it was hard to tell if the pile grew. Balsac noticing the pile said “You are a princely lord.” Beefcake simply replied “yes it's true.” as he stomped on the soldiers head and when he lifted his boot all that was left was bright red mush. Jizmak laughed as his hammer whirls, foreheads explode and entrails twirl. Red blood flowing as souls speed to hell.  They arrive to Oberammergau, the capital of the pope's army, only 10,000 battalions left. Today was the day the holy symbol must be presented otherwise, hells’ black plague will escape again. During the time of the plague, people of their town were dying from it, and pleaded to god that if he protects them that they will do a play and pray to him every 10 years. It holds over 2,000 actors for him. Ever since then the plague hasn’t come to that city. This was the day the capital fell for when the five arrived they brought hell. They slaughtered everything , from military to civilians, and their souls being dragged to hell. They reached the black pope, who sent his best men, but all of them were gone in less than ten. Oderus smites the black pope, exposing his brain, his blade continued through the meat and membrane. The bright blooded fed the grass where he lain. Now there was living hell on earth. They finally did it and conquered the world making it hell. The apocalypse just happened Here ends this tale, that much is plain.