Frosty the snowman, was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coals.
We all know the story of Frosty, the adorable little snowman who was made by a bunch of kids who all had nothing better to do and were probably making a snowman “just for fun.”  Then they got lucky enough to find a magic hat, and put it on their snowman.  Now, personally, I would not advise you to put a magic hat on your snowman, for who knows where the hat has come from.  It could have come from an evil witch, a malicious wizard, or perhaps one of those horrible hat shops where nothing fits you except all the ugly hats.  But, back to the story.  The first thing Frosty does after being brought to life by the magic hat, is dance.
Now, there are many ways to critique a story and one of them is to ask questions.  The question to critique Frosty’s dancing is, of course, what kind of dance was it?  An Irish jig?  A Sailor’s hornpipe?  A Mexican salsa?  Well, that’s not important anyway.
After that, Frosty then tells the dazed children that they need to play quickly with him before he melts and dies.  The surprised children follow him as he then commences to the village, no doubt to frighten more people.  Along the way he steals a broomstick.  He continues on to disobey traffic laws and then leaves the children with a traffic ticket, an angry cop, and the words: “I’ll be back again someday,” as though a snowman could somehow return after being melted.  That is the end of Frosty’s story and the beginning of mine.
This story is not about Frosty, or the children who made him, not even his son or other relation, for Frosty took the hat with him wherever he went, and even thought the children made more family members for him, it is very hard to make a snowman come alive without any magical object at all.  I tried once when I was in desperate need of a close friend to help me discover the true purpose of the CIA, but I failed miserably and that is another story.  This is a more interesting story about the origin of the silk hat the children discovered.  Because, in case you were wondering, no, the hat was not supposed to just be lying around for any kid to pick up and put on his or her snowman.  The hat was, nevertheless, magical as was assumed and proved by the children.
It all started when a young magician realized he was failing.  Everywhere he went, there were plenty of people and he always got a large crowd.  But his tricks were amateur and he never received very much money from the disappointed and often angry crowds.  He knew he had to either do something, starve to death, or, and he shuddered to think of it, go back to living in his parent’ basement.  Sadly, the poor magician had no other options as he had no family at all.  His parents had died a long time ago, which was part of why living in their basement was so horrible.  He had no siblings and the basement of his parent’s house was the only thing he had been given in their will.  He still remembered that day when he had gotten the notice in the mail stating that his parents were dead and had lift him nothing but the basement of the house.  They had left a note, which went something like this: The only reason we’re giving you anything is because of how much time you spent down there.  He hadn’t returned to the house since.
Now, I apologize for having stressed so much on the basement, but I have learned just recently how horrible it is to live in a basement that isn’t even yours and have to live there a long time.  I was just sympathizing with the poor man.
Back to the story.  So c the magician realized that something must be cone.  He thought for days before coming up with an answer.  He understood that he had to pep up his show with something better.  After trying several things, including juggling with fire (burned himself), lion taming (got bitten), tightrope walking (fell off), and cute kittens (which worked much better than expected and he ended up with no money at all, as it had all been given to the kittens.), he realized that he would have to do something beyond himself and kittens.  He would have to find something truly magical.  And so, his journey began.
The magician traveled worldwide looking for something special.  He found nothing worth using.  Just old relics and other objects that were supposedly “powerful beyond relief.”  After searching for over a year, spending more money than he had, and more time than it was worth, he was ready to go back to his parents’ house.  But on his way back, he stopped in Siberia at a little shack at the side of the road for the night.
Under normal circumstances, the magician would not have stopped at a creepy little shack out in the middle of nowhere to look for shelter.  However, there was no other place within several miles and he was in Siberia after all and getting very cold.  So, he decided to try his chances.  When he went and knocked, he found a most peculiar old man, who beckoned him in with a crooked finger.
Pause.  If you see a crooked old stranger beckoning you into his house with a finger as crooked as a crooked tree limb, you should not ever go in.  But, as stated above, the magician had no other options.
The two men talked for a while and then went to bed.  In the morning, the man gave the magician a tall silk hat, robbed him of the little money he had left, and kicked his backside out the door.  The magician moved on.  After a whole day of tramping, as it began to get around to nighttime again, it began to get cold and colder.  The magician shivered and, when the cold became too great for him to stand it anymore, he put on the hat.
He put it on with great hesitation as he had been warned by the crooked dude that when he put it on, his life would be changed forever.  As soon as he did though, he found himself surprisingly warm.  He took it off, and grew cold again.  Then he examined it very carefully.  He found nothing out of the ordinary, so he put it back on.  He felt warm again.  Then he did a little dance for joy.  He had discovered it at last, the object he had been looking for!
When he arrived at a safe place, he tried more things with it and determined that it had more powers then he had originally thought.  It did things like: make objects disappear, transform things into other things, make inanimate objects come to life, and many others.
After that, he held the crowds in thrall with his amazing tricks.  Then one day while he was out and about being careless and speding a lot of maoney, the hat simply flew off his head in a gust of wind and was gone.  He stared, shocked nd then, blew his top.  He yelled and wailed and screamed at the hat to come back this moment.  As you would probably guess, the hat did not return but flew faster into the distance.  For, inanimate objects, even if they are magical ones, do not listen easily.  Meanwhile, the magician, after raging till the hat was out of sight, had broken down in tears.  After a while he got a hold on himself and made a decision to quickly return everything he had just bought and use that money and the money he had already gained to live comfortably for the rest of his life.  This he did, and though he was hatless, lived a good, long, happy life.  Except for the one incident with the teapot and the deck chair, but that is a story for later.
As for the hat, it flew on and on till it finally came to a stop in a snow-covered town.  Now, I must correct a mistake made by the writer of the song at the top of this story.  A very large mistake.  The word mistake here means a very bad calculating error.  And the error occurs in the fact that the hat was never on a Frosty at all.  Before we continue thought, we just forgive the song writer as he was no doubt very confused.  He got the part right about a child picking up the hat, but from there on it was all a mistake.  Instead of putting it on a snowman, he took it home and gave it to his father for Christmas.  When his father opened the gift, instead of running all around town violating rules, he just thanked his son for it. And instead of disappearing suddenly soon afterward, he discovered the hat’s powers and made good use of them.  And it has been passed on generation to generation ever since that day.  I should know, because it is sitting next to me right now.

The End