It’s morning, it’s morning, it’s morning, it’s morning! Aagh, let me out, out out out out out, I want to go outsiiiiiidddeeeeee. Short-haired-but-not-Daddy owner? Hello. I will sit here quietly until you let me out.
Okay, no more quiet. Out out out! Oh! Thank you, golly you are tall, downstairs time now. Whoo! Stairs! Thump-thump-thump-thump. Want to go outside, need to poo. Poo, owners, poo. You and me, old enemy. You insurmountable monster. Maybe my scratching will defeat you today, even though it never has before. I SHALL WEAKEN YOU. Oh, the short-haired-but-not-Daddy owner is back. How does it know how to make the insurmountable monster move? Alas, time to go outside. Whee! Must find the perfect space to poo.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Yes!
Yay, time for poo to go bye-bye.
Back inside, back inside, back inside.
Let me in. Hello? Let me in please. Must scratch the monster to get it to move! Oh! It is the mother-owner now. Thank you, mother-owner. Hello. Time to lay on the rug. Y’know what? Back itches. Scratch it.
Can’t reach.
The rug friend will scratch it for me! Thank you, rug friend. You have sun patches on you! Mmmmm, they are warm. Y’know, I’m tired. Sleepy time.
What is that noise?
Oh god, no! Short-haired-but-not-Daddy owner, no! Please! Stop! Get it away from me! Loud noise, loud noise, scary, make it go away, it is killing the rug friend, noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
Must out-loud the monster. Leave! Away! Ruff! Away, away, away, away, away, away, away.
“Dixie, quiet!”
Must listen to owner. Quiet. Must be quiet in the face of danger.
Aaahhhhh, no! Must not succumb to the monster! It is telling the short-haired-but-not-Daddy owner to tell me to be quiet! No, I will never fall for your tricks, demon-enchantress-hypno-monster! Ha-HA!
Wait, no no no no no, stop it, stop pulling me, I cannot go away, short-haired-but-not-Daddy owner, I must defeat it, stop it, stop it, stop it!
“Stay.”
Okay.
I will stay.

I am bored now. Staying is boring. I will go upstairs. Hello, upstairs, hello, long-haired-but-not-Mother owners, both of you, hello, hello. Ah, y’know what? It’s been a rather long day of vanquishing evil. Nap at the top of the stairs time.

Who is waking me up again? Oh, it is Mother-owner. Good morning, mother-owner, what do you need?
“Come on, Dixie.”
*Yawn* Okay, okay. What is it? Fine, I will come down the stairs.
“Here you go.”
That smell.
That intoxicating smell!
It could only be- the ultimate delicacy and beauty of the world- the one thing that will make ALL things right and good again…
CHEESE.
No, don’t give me the crummy food I always get, I want cheese.
Hey, short-haired-but-not-Daddy owner, will you give me cheese?
It isn’t working.
Okay.
Operation “Guilt short-haired-but-not-Daddy owner into giving me cheese by making the cutest sad face I can possibly think of and proceeding to put it on my face” shall now commence.

“Okay, just a little.”
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE
Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum.
Can I have more?
“No, Dixie.”
GIVE IT TO ME, WHELP.
“No.”
Why you little-
Fine. I shall eat the horror that is my everyday meal. No thanks to you, short-haired-but-not-Daddy owner. You monster. Only gave me one piece of cheese. Who do you think you are, feeding me this-

Mmmm, food. Even though it is crummy food.
Alack, alay. It’s a hard knock life.
For us.
It’s a hard knock life.
For ME.
Food time is done time. Now it’s time for nap time. Or- are you opening the door? Are we going in to the garage? Can I come? YES? Ah ha, yay. EVEN INTO THE CAR! AHHHHH! YES! HA! FOR ONCE, THE WIND COMES TO ME INSTEAD OF HAVING TO PANT ALL THE TIME OH YES IT IS BEAUTIFUL OH THE FEELING OF WIND ON THE INSIDE OF YOUR SNOUT OH IT IS A WONDROUS THING OOOHHH HO HO why are we stopped. *sigh*
I just can’t win.