I walk further behind the shadows. I do it, not because I want to, but because I have to. It is the only place that my mind is at ease, and that I can let the darkness swarm around me. The darkness that carries me away into a black bliss is the emptiness I have to be in. It’s the cold and it’s the fear. It’s the lack of guilt and the lack of love. It devours me until I am no more, and until I have had enough. I return to my day to day life and I dread that soon I must go back. I remember that soon I must let go, and be the person that aches to get out every day. The person that isn’t kind or gentle is the very thing I try to run away from. I carry her on my shoulders as if she is my weight of the world. I hold onto the hope that one day, she will be no more. I want to be kind and gentle, and I want to care. I want to stop walking behind the shadows that weigh me down and drown me in the icy water. I want to have a heart of gold, not a heard of emptiness. I am tired of the shadows I let walk in front of me and the darkness that casts an indention in my eyes. I want to be free of my own madness, yet I can never find my way out.