I am crying now. I sit huddled in the corner, with my knees hugged to my chest and I am crying. I never used to cry, not really, anyway, but ever since he told me, all I do is cry. I remember everything. Everything that ever happened and I am crying. I remember how he would talk to me and how he would never ever say goodbye. I remember how he laughed, almost all the time. I remember midnight walks and talks. I remember the fights most of all, loud and frightening; they were almost never ending. I remember throwing things and screaming, and leaving. I remember coming back, talking, and forgiving and just starting things anew. I remember his promises. I remember writing long, never ending letters. I’d write them in purple pen, fold them up and stick them in an envelope. I thought they were the best things I’d ever written but I’d never send the letters. They would sit there in my drawer for weeks, collecting dust. I remember thinking about our future. I saw a house by a lake in Michigan, with a white picket fence around the yard, and a dog, probably a terrier. Maybe two kids, who looked like me, but had his hair. They had to have his hair. His hair, it’s red and bright and fiery and messy, just like him.
I remember how I met him in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven. He ran into me and made me drop my ice cream. It had been a bad day but he changed all that. He changed everything. His presence seemed to flip my life upside down. Once he walked into to me, there wasn’t room for anyone else. At six foot five, he took up more space in my life than I was willing to admit. I guess I should’ve known then how things would end. I had his promises, his hugs,his love, his butterfly kisses. I didn’t need anyone else, not until she came along. She was tall and blonde and I hated her. They were just friends, but I knew. I knew he loved her more than he could ever love me. I knew what was coming but I ignored it. after all, he was my Prince Charming, no one else’s. We were soul mates; we had to be, because without him I am alone. I remember how he told me. I remember the picnic in the park where it all ended. He no longer needed me. He no longer wanted me. He wanted her, tall and pale and blond; I was no longer good enough. Now I am crying. He is off laughing somewhere with her, but I cry and contemplate what to do next. I stand up and wipe away the tears. I will be strong. I promise myself that I will dwell on this no longer, there will be no more tears. I do not need him, but as I walk out the door, I wish he had chosen me instead.