“But I couldn’t have been speeding. Your speed gun must be broken,” the teenager spluttered.
“Sir, my LIDAR speed gun is not broken. Now, do you have any idea how fast you were going? Because I certainly do,” the police officer said.
“But I wasn’t even speeding. I’m quite the pokey puppy.”
“Are you insinuating that I’m stupid enough to believe you’re a puppy?”
“Nonononono that’s not what I meant—” As the teen was stuttering his response, the police officer clenched his teeth.
“Do. You. Think. I’m. Stupid?”
“No,” the young man whimpered.
“No what?”
“No, sir.”
“License and registration now, please,” the police officer said. The boy reached into his glove box to retrieve his registration and then handed it to the police officer along with his permit.
The police officer looked at the permit, “Where’s your license?”
Wide eyed, the boy replied, “It hasn’t come in the mail yet, sir.”
“Hmmm. Fresh out of driver’s ed are you? Young little 16 year old out for a late night drive? Did you know getting a ticket while only having your permit will prevent you from getting your license? Tsk tsk. Such a shame.”
The boy then burst into tears.
“Well that’s just embarrassing. Looks like you’re not even mature enough to get your real license. Look at this as me doing you a favor,”
Through the boy’s sobs he managed to say “But I wasn’t even speeding!”
“Shut up and stop blubbering. I’m not even a real police officer. What would you do if I was a real cop? Cry like a little girl and hope you don’t get a ticket?” He handed the boy his permit and registration back.
“What do you mean, not a real police officer?” The boy asked.
“Are you stupid? I just told you I’m not a real police officer,” the phony police officer laughed. “I picked this suit up for two dollars at a garage sale. I bought these lights off the internet. Anyone can get the same style car as a traditional police cruiser.”
“So… I’m not in trouble?” The boy sniffled.
“Nope. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” The phony police officer then sauntered back to his car and drove away, ready to traumatize his next victim.