Nothing could’ve prepared me for this. I’m not ready to cope with loss so early in life. We were supposed to grow up and go places together. We never planned for this. It was just a day of fun for us.
Yet here we are, five days later, standing outside in the cold rain dressed in our most depressing outfits. We whisper quiet apologies to his mother and move on. She puts a lily on the red box, not that lilies were his favorite or anything; he wasn’t much of a flower person.
Now it’s my turn. I stand up and walk over to that red box and put my hand on it.
Be strong. I tell myself. How can I be strong when they’re all staring at me? The rose falls from my hand onto the box and I go up to the podium.
Say a few words and run away. I have to get out of here. I can’t hold together for this long. People blink back tears to see me standing next to a ring of flowers with a picture of him in the middle, with his silly smile and hazel eyes staring back, reminding us that he’s not coming back. Their eyes flick between me and him. Me and my best friend. They don’t even know!
I open my mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. I try again and again, but it’s not happening. My mind races faster than my heart. What do I say, do I tell them? So I open my mouth again.
“Five days ago I was messing around with my best friend…”

“Maddie, come on let’s go!” Matt yelled up to me as I was getting dressed.
“Chill out, it’s not like we’re going to be late for something.” I yelled back while I finished tying my boots. I grabbed my backpack off my bed and ran downstairs.
“No, we won’t be late, but the fish will all be gone by the time we get there.” We headed out to the truck and climbed in and made our way out to the lake where the boat was waiting for us.
“Are you rowing, or me?” I asked as we pulled out the fishing rods and stuck them in the boat.
“I’ll do it. Wouldn’t want to hurt your arms.” He smiled at me.
We got into the boat and he started rowing towards the middle of the lake. Fifteen minutes later we were casting our lines out as far we could and we waited. And waited. And waited. Until finally a fish caught onto my line and I picked up my rod to reel it in. It pulled against the line and we could see it thrashing in the distance on the surface of the water. Finally I managed to get back to the boat and out of the water. For a couple minutes we worked on getting the hook out of its mouth and making sure it was ok before throwing it back in.
Then a tug came from Matt’s line. He pulled on the reel, but it wouldn’t budge. Cursing under his breath, he pulled the rod back, but the fish wasn’t having it. He couldn’t pull much more without tipping the boat over so he tried with the reel again, this time it moved a little bit, but not enough for him.
“You wanna try just pulling the line?” I asked him as I threw my line back out.
“Nah, he’ll give up eventually. Just gotta give it a minute or two.” He leaned back against the bench and stared at the sky.
Suddenly his rod was being pulled off the boat and he was jumping up to get it. His weight thrown against the side pushed the boat against the water. I leaned over to try and even it out, but he was reaching out to pull the sinking rod back in.
And then it was cold and wet. I cried out as we crashed against the murky water and the edge of the boat slammed against my shoulder. My lungs filled with water and I was sent into a coughing fit. Matt found me and pushed me up towards the surface and slammed his hand against my back. I found air with joy and gulped it in.
But Matt wasn’t coming up to the surface, and I was sinking back below. I took in as much as my lungs could take, but they still burned from the water so it wasn’t much. My boots pulled me back underneath. Matt was further below. His eyes were wide with panic and his hands were frantically pulling at my feet. I reached down and tried to pull him up to the surface, but he was really heavy, especially with all of his clothes soaking up the water. I pulled harder and managed to get him up to me, or I sank down to him. I’m not sure which.
But the way he looked at me.
Those eyes.
He knew that we weren’t going to make it.
For a second we just looked at each other.
Then he pulled me in for a hug and pushed me back up again.
My hands found the boat and he pushed me up again, pushing himself further down into the watery green.
By the time I had gotten myself onto the boat, he was gone.

“Matt died trying to save me. I didn’t even realize he’d pulled my boots off until I stepped onto the ground after being rescued.” Now it is time to not be strong anymore, and my entire body lets go. The tears come pouring out and I slouch against the podium. And once everyone sees me slouch, they all let go too. They lean against each other and sobs aren’t held in anymore.
My best friend died a hero.