This is one story I’ve never told before, not to anyone. Not to my parents, not to my brother or sister, not even to my wife. This is the story of how I murdered my best friend. Don’t ask me why I’m telling you this. Maybe it’s ‘cause that’s what they told me you’re supposed to tell to Shrinks, but I dunno. Whatever.

I was twenty one, and finally out on my own, free from the constraints of my family and college. I was living all on my own in a little house in the suburbs of northern Toronto. Why Toronto? I don’t know, I guess I just liked the territory. Anyway, my best friend was a guy named Andy, ‘bout my age, who lived right next door to me. We used to spend most of our free time at one another’s houses, but then he got himself a girlfriend. I remember that night, the night he ripped a hole through my heart and threw my guts upon the floor.

It was a very chilly night in the middle of October. I had just put on my brand new wool coat to step outside and walk to Andy’s for our famous movie night. It was awful chilly and the sidewalk was frozen solid, so I figured that he owed me one for coming to his house, but I usually never held stuff like that against him for very long. He was my friend and I loved him.

Gripping the brass knocker I banged on his door, and waited for a response. I heard a muffled curse shouted from what sounded like the kitchen, but paid no attention. Andy was not known for gracefulness. And there he was, opening the door, but instead of his welcoming smile, there was a disturbed looking frown plastered on his face. I recoiled. It was so out of place, the frown, that it scared me, really shook me down to my bones.

“Hello Eric.” he said in his smooth, unnervingly calm voice.

“Hey Andy. I’m here for the movies.” I said, smiling. I made a move to walk past him, but he blocked my path.

“No, Eric, not tonight.”
I was shook up and confused. Why was he acting like this? I tried again to get past him, but he shoved me backwards slightly. “Andy, we always have movie nights on Friday.” I pleaded, still trying to get past him through the door, but he wouldn’t budge. Finally he grabbed my shirt collar and threw me backwards off the porch and into the snow. I couldn’t believe it. We had always been friends, always been together, and never hurt one another, and now...and then I looked up. Standing behind him in the doorway was a tall young girl of about eighteen years. She was slim, and blond, but her nose was hooked which made her look like a very ugly sort of bird, and she had a pimple on her chin.

“What’s going on Andy? Who’s that?” she asked, her voice thick with a New York accent, which I found to be rather odd since we weren’t in New York, but whatever.

“No one Rachel, just some crazy kid from down the street. Go back inside.” She turned and walked back into the house. I just stared up at Andy in disbelief.

“Andy....”

“No Eric. Go home, just...GO HOME!” and with a slam of his door he left me. I’d never forgotten that and the weeks that followed. How he’d betrayed me like that. I would have never done that to him, but he had deserted me, just like that.

For two months I brooded constantly. He had been like a brother to me and now, he just threw me away like a useless rag doll. Well I’d show him, I’d show him what you get for betraying your friends.

It was now the end of December. New Year’s was just a few days away, and the snow was really thick on the ground. Perfect I thought to myself. The timing was just right, so I’d waited until midnight and then, dressed in the darkest clothes I could find, I snuck over and broke into Andy’s house. It was time for revenge.

I wanted to get the girl first, but I knew the moment I entered the house that she wasn’t there, so I snuck up to Andy’s room. He was asleep in his room with the TV on and still fully clothed. Luckily he wasn’t much heavier than me, and I was much stronger in the arms then him, so I managed to drag him out to the car. Probably I should mention that I taped a pad of chloroform over his nose and mouth to keep him out. Not that the little details matter too much, right Doc, I mean you’ll probably put me away for this anyway, but then, I could just be making it up.....

Anyway, I got him into my car and drove slowly away from civilization. This was it. I was changing, I was becoming something more. I felt pride somewhere deep within me, for stopping all of this, but I felt hurt too. Andy was my best friend, my only friend and he had left me for some stupid prostitute. He deserved to be punished, I told myself, but deep inside I had my doubts, as I guess I still do, or I wouldn’t be telling you any of this.

I drove on, sometimes without headlights, until I reached my destination. The edge of a wood. No one would ever find him. It had started to snow, large chunks of feather-light snowflakes landing on Andy’s eyelashes. How peaceful he looked. I reached out with a finger and touched the scar where his harelip had been. Fascinated, I began taking in the moment. The dark blue sky, the smell of pine, car exhaust, of Andy—

No more time to waste, I told myself. Quickly, faster now, I began to drag Andy into the forest. He stirred several times, but by then I had bound his hands and feet so there wasn’t much he could do.

“Just a little further now...” I said aloud. It was really snowing now, in great gusts, clumping on the already buried ground, covering the drag marks.

“Eric...?” I heard Andy mumble, but I didn’t answer. We were there.

Just ten feet from where we were—I was standing was a hole that I had proudly dug around three the morning before. It was six feet by six feet and at least seven feet deep. Most of it was snow, with some dirt, but by the time the snow melted, I figured that there wouldn’t be much left, and I would, of course, be long gone. I left Andy’s bonds and messily chucked him into the hole. He moaned and looked up at me, bot really understanding what was happening. I told him to wait for me, that I wouldn’t leave him. I told him I loved him and that even though he betrayed me, his best friend, I wouldn’t do that to him. He smiled and I began to pile on the snow and dirt.

The screams didn’t last long, maybe five, ten minutes at most, and it was pretty muffled by the junk on top of him. The truth is, I lied to him. Well mostly anyway. I haven’t been back there in over fifteen years, but I did send a letter to the prostitute with the location in it, around Christmas. Good thing I wore gloves. Got it postmarked in a different state too. Served him right though. Well Doc, is that what you wanted to hear? I tell people I’m not crazy, does that make me crazy? Killing a backstabbing jerk? I hope I can come back in next week ‘cause I really like you Doc, you’re a good person. A good friend.