Scene Three
[The curtains are closed. The narrator walks on stage, lit by a spotlight.]
Narrator:
You just saw how characters are chosen for fairy tales. In our next scenario, there is an unfortunate character. No matter what he does, he just can’t seem to be bad enough to impress his friends. If you have ever tried to pull a prank on someone, but that person caught you in the act, then you’ll know exactly how this person feels.
[The curtains open to reveal a therapy room stage right, a bedroom center stage, and three cardboard houses stage right. The wolf and the therapist are frozen on stage. Red Riding Hood is off stage. The three pigs are hiding behind their cardboard houses.]
[The narrator snaps. The stage lights come up, and the characters unfreeze. The narrator walks off stage.]
Therapist:
[In a monotonous voice] And what seems to be the problem, Mister… [Looks at list] …uh…Big Bad Wolf?
Wolf:
Well, ya see, it all started when my friends convinced me to prank a little girl…
[Lights dim. Wolf moves to bedroom. Lights come up to show Wolf, Stevie, and Andrew hiding beside the bed.]
Stevie:
Come on. Wolf. You got this.
Andrew:
You just disguise yourself and give the girl a little scare. It will be easy.
Wolf:
[Hesitant] OK
[Wolf grabs a wig, puts it on, and gets in the bed. Stevie and Andrew hide near the edge of the stage. Red Riding Hood skips happily on stage with her basket. She is surprised to see her grandma in this condition.]
Red:
Wow, Grandma, what happened to you? Your nose looks like it was stung by a bee…
Wolf:
[In a grandma-like voice] Now don’t be rude, dear.
Red:
And what happened to your glasses? [Gets really close to Wolf.]
Wolf:
Contact lenses, dear…
Red:
And your teeth are HUGE!
[Wolf gives a big growl to scare Red, but she isn’t scared. She uses her basket to knock off Wolf’s wig.)
Red:
You’re not my grandma! Nobody impersonates my grandma! [Begins to hit the wolf until they are off stage.]
[Stevie and Andrew crack up. The lights dim. Once Wolf gets back to the therapy room and lays down, the lights go up.]
Therapist:
[In an unchanged monotonous voice} I see. Are there any other related problems?

Wolf:
After that incident, I was the laughing-stock of my friends. I desperately needed to convince them I could be bad. I decided to try it on three little pigs.
[Lights dim. Wolf positions self near pigs’ houses. Lights raise. Wolf walks to the first house.]
Wolf:
[To himself] OK, Wolf, you can do this. [Knocks on the door.]
Pig 1:
[Peeking out window] Hello? Are you trying to sell me something? Didn’t you see the sign? No soliciting! [Goes to the back of the house.]
Wolf:
Come out, little porker.
Pig 1:
Not by the hairs of my chinny chin chin!
Wolf:
[Disappointed] Why not?
Pig 1:
Because I don’t have any hair on my chin! I just shaved!
Wolf:
[Scary voice] Then I’ll huff and puff and blow your house in! [Back to normal voice] Wait a minute! Can I actually do that? It’s worth a try. After all, his house is made of straw.
[Wolf blows. Pig 1 knocks down the house without being seen by the audience. Pig 1 squeals and runs to Pig 2’s house made out of sticks.]
Wolf:
[Walking up to second house and in scary voice] Little pigs, come out!
Pig 2:
[Peeking out window] Hello. Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?
Wolf:
[Confused] Uh, sure. How much for a box of shortbread?
Pig 2:
$3.50 a box.
Wolf:
$3.50 a box. What a rip off!
Pig 2:
I’m not the one who makes it the price. Are you going to pay or not?
Wolf:
I’ll pay you $2.50 for a box. We have a deal?
Pig 2:
Sorry, the price stays what the price stays.
Wolf:
That does it! Either you give me a box, or your house goes down!
Pig 2:
[Hides behind window] No!
[Wolf blows house down and pigs run to third house.]
Wolf:{Scary voice] Little pigs, come out!
Pig 3:
[Unseen behind the house] Go away, you big, smelly wolf!
Wolf:[Sniffs self.] I don’t smell! [Snaps out of it and, in scary voice] Mighty big talk for a pig.
Pig 3:We’ll take our chances, Wolf!
[Wolf starts blowing. Lights go dim. Wolf runs to the therapy chair. Lights come up.]
Wolf:
And then I blew that house down and I chased the piggies all the way to Timbuktu! The end. [Smiles.]
Therapist:
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Big Bad Wolf. As I recall, you didn’t blow that house down. The pigs threw you in a pot full of hot water.
Wolf:
That’s not true!
Therapist:
Then how did we get the stories, the movies, and even the video game that you were defeated by the pigs?
Wolf:
My friends Stevie and Andrew told the press those stories. The truth is I never blew any of their houses down. The first pig invited me to the pork shop the pigs own. And also I bought a ton of those Girl Scout cookies.
Therapist:[Shocked] Pigs don’t own a pork shop!
Wolf:
Yes, they do!
Therapist:[To self] I need to get them in here. [To Wolf] You owe me $500.
Wolf:I’m afraid that is a little out of my budget. How would you feel about a lifetime supply of Girl Scout cookies?
Therapist:Will you take me to the pig’s pork shop?
Wolf:Of course! [Walks off stage with therapist. Curtains close.]

Scene Four
[The curtains are closed. The narrator walks on stage, lit by a spotlight.]
Narrator:
Prince Charming can be quite a heartbreaker. He often leaves princesses empty-handed. In this next scenario, the princesses take it to an extreme on a talk show that is very popular in Fairytale Land.
[Curtains open. Narrator exits stage.]
Ocra: Welcome back to the Ocra show! Today we have a special guest: Prince Charming!
[Prince Charming walks on stage and takes a seat. He is arrogant and cocky.]
Prince Charming, I hear you have been having a lot of problems with princesses. It seems you dump each one and leave each of them a mess.
Prince Charming:
Well, yes, Ocra, I…
Ocra:
[Interrupting] Hold that thought, because here is our next guest, Sleeping Beauty!
[Sleeping Beauty walks on stage and falls asleep.]
Prince Charming:
That is her problem. Every time I need her to do something, she sleeps on the job. Not to mention how much money I have to pay for her beauty products. And then she falls asleep when she puts on her makeup.
Sleeping Beauty:
[Wakes up suddenly.] That’s not true! [Grabs some lipstick and begins to put it on, but then falls asleep in one of the chairs.]
Ocra:
Well, we’re going to move on. Our next guest is Snow White, along with her friend Dopey…
(Snow White and Dopey enter, singing, “Hi ho, Hi ho, it’s off to work we go”. Snow White takes a seat. Dopey continues to the other side of the stage and exits.]
Prince Charming:
First of all, her singing. I don’t know what man can stand her singing. The second problem is the dwarfs. There are seven of them. I’m not playing babysitter while she goes to the spa. And lastly, the animals. They are everywhere! They get into our food and make us pay more money.
Ocra:
Moving on, our next guest is Cinderella and her little mouse.
[Cinderella walks on stage, missing a shoe. Her mouse sings, “Cinderellie, Cinderellie, Cinderellie!”. Cinderella sits down; the mouse stands behind her.]
Cinderella:
[To mouse] This is the fifth time I’ve lost my shoe today! It’s really embarrassing on a talk show, you know. [Mouse nods.]
Prince Charming:
The first problem is that she keeps losing her shoes. I always have to buy her shoes…and then we find them laying around the house later. My second problem is the mice. They are everywhere! And they won’t stop singing that song.
[Insulted, Cinderella hugs her mouse and sits down.]
Ocra:
And our final two guests are Fiona and Belle.[Belle and Fiona enter and sit down.]
Prince Charming:
Oh, no! Not them.
Belle: Don’t mind him. He’s hungry. He always acts like a beast when he’s hungry.
Fiona: He can be such and ogre sometimes!
Prince Charming: You’re one to talk. I’m glad I broke up with all of you.
[The princesses all get up from their seats and start to argue with Prince Charming.]
Ocra: Well, that’s all the time for today. See ya next time on the Ocra show. [Begins to sneak off stage.]
Snow White: Hey wait a minute! [All the princesses stop and Snow White points to Ocra.] It’s her fault we’re here!
Everyone Except Ocra: Get her! [They all chase Ocra off stage.]