I wondered what would ever happened if i died. Would anyone care? I thought about the fellowship last night. Was there a God? One that made the "heavens and the earth and is love"? Impossible. Then who made God?
Rev. Clapp said that any questions i have about God I could look in the Bible. What is a Bible, anyways? I know no one ever cares about me. I might as well kill myself and end this stupid life this "God" gave me.
But...would they lie to me? Rev. Clapp was tall and wide and looked at ease. He reminds me of a teddy bear. But could he lie to me into wasting my life into worshiping a dude on a big gold throne? Maybe he wasn't lieing. Maybe, for now, i could trust people again. And then Seth would trust me again.
I don't even think he should've even invited me to the stupid fellowship. After I told him that I hated him, which I dont'. Why did I have to be so stupid and waste my enegry to yell at him?
Not like he would ever forgive me. Sure, Rev. Clapp said that God forgives us and all that crap, but, seriously. After I cused Seth out, I dont think either of tehm will ever forgive me. I might as well commit suide.
It's now or never. Or else I'll live in shame and sguilt the rest of me life. Why waste it?