Mother's point of view.

The first three years of Ari’s life were like every other Newborns. She was always happy and altogether a healthy baby, But at the age of three we started noticing how she was always running a fever and throwing up. At first, we just thought she had a cold or something, but we still decided to take her to the hospital. 

When Ari was 3 years and 2 weeks old, she got diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. A rare disease causing DNA mutation in the stem cells which causes too many white blood cells to be produced. When the doctor told my husband and I, I didn't know how to feel or react at that moment. I just knew I would do anything in this world to help my baby get better. 

Ari isn't a baby anymore, and her cancer is getting worse as she gets older. She was in remission for a couple of weeks, but it didn't last long. The doctor wants to do another round of Chemotherapy, but Ari doesn't even want to consider it.  Ari had chemo done when she was 13, and she said it was the worst experience of her entire life, but As her mother I know she was being a little dramatic and I have the right to make her take it. My baby is a fighter, and I'll give her every last breath I have to keep her healthy.  But she thinks I'm overstepping. She doesn't want me to make her choices anymore, but it doesn't matter, I'm not letting her give up. 

Parents should be able to make whatever decisions they want for their child, considering their health. There are some things we don't understand about them that they do, but that doesn't catch the many other consequences if the child did make their own decisions. Some Reasons being they are too young to know what's best for them, they don't understand what could go wrong, and they are very impulsive. I really don't think Ari is in the right mindset right now to make a decision like that. 

Yesterday, Ari and I got into the biggest argument because she doesn't want to get chemo, but I told her there is no way she is not getting it, and she got mad and left. She went to her best friend Emma's house, but I don't understand how she is trying to argue with me about this. She told me that she is old enough to know what's best for her, and she wasn't going to let me make her decisions anymore. I've never been so frustrated with her in my entire life. When Ari came home, she apologized to me and we are okay now.

I'm taking Ari to her doctor's appointment. We have to talk about whether she is getting chemo. I told the doctor she was ready to start chemo and Ari was so upset.  She told the doctor that she was almost grown, and I don't make her decisions anymore. I wish I could just talk to her, but every time we start to talk, she makes me so angry. Maybe it's because I have no idea what she's going through on her side of all this. But I need a better understanding of why you're so close to being cancer free, but you just want to stop treatment all together.

I have never been so disappointed in my daughter until I found out she went to a college party. My 17-year-old daughter went to a college party. Does she not understand how dangerous that is for normal teenage girls, even more so because of her disease and the fact that there were grown men there. The doctor told me she was close to having alcohol poisoning. Something dangerous could have happened to her and I wouldn't be there to protect her. I know she's not a baby anymore, and I know she has to learn to make her own decisions, but I'm not ready if she is going to be acting like this.

I don't understand why she wants to make her own decisions, but when she does, she ends up in the hospital. Not only that, she was drunk. I'm going to make her take the chemo because there's no way my daughter is going to act like this. 

“ Ari, what's going on with you? Why do you all of a sudden go to parties and deny treatment? What do I need to do to help you?”  I said. “Mom”  she said and next thing I know she is crying full on balling her eyes out, and I just want to hug her and make her feel okay. “ I just want to have a normal life. My life right now has always consisted of me being the sick girl or the girl with Cancer. Look at me, I finally was able to have my hair grow long enough to touch my shoulders. I don't want to lose it again. You don't know how Chemo affects my body. I feel so sick and so tired and sad. I feel like I'm disgusting.” Ari said. 

Ari and I came to an agreement that she is going to do chemotherapy one more time and if this doesn't work, she's done with treatment. And I'm ok with it. She has been through so much, and I personally don't know the effects of her treatment.  

I woke up fairly early just to prepare myself and wait for the long hours in the hospital. We went out last night and got food because she won't be that hungry after chemo, and she wanted something good. So I took her to a nice restaurant and after that we ate dessert. She looked so happy. Now everything is going to change again, but it's okay because I have a feeling this time around chemotherapy will work.

I've never been so wrong about something in my entire life. She is so sick. I don't remember it being this bad the first time. It's been three days and the bags under her eyes make it look like she was hit in the face. Her snow-white pale skin makes her look even worse. I feel so bad. I really don't remember it being this bad. She has thrown up 4 times in the past two hours. I keep trying to get her to eat something, but she won't. I don't know how I'm supposed to help her. Not only that, but I feel helpless. 

It's been two weeks and the doctor finally said we can go home. Tomorrow morning.   And when I went to wake her up on August 3, 2015, ari was dead. She died right next to me in the middle of the night. And it's all my fault. She would be alive right now if it wasn't for me.  She was so beautiful. She could light up any room make the saddest of all people laugh and she would. Furthermore, she was the most ambitious and hopeful person I've ever met. On August 3, 2015, at 3:08 am, my life ended the second that stupid machine started beeping. 

Ari’s point of view 

Hello, my name is Ari. I live in a small town in Ohio, and my ENTIRE life has been about me fighting cancer. Everyone in this town knows it, so they all look at me like I'm a sick little puppy. I'm so over it, I've never done anything real teenagers do. Never even been to a party, but I'm 17 now and that's all going to change. I'm done fighting. I'm finally going to start living.

My mom and I got into a big argument because I'm not doing chemotherapy, so I left and said I was going to my friend's house, well I did originally, but we ended up going to a party and never in my life have I've been so embarrassed everyone there goes to my school, and I was just trying to have fun, but they all looked at me life my mom and everyone who looked at me asked me if I was okay.  I wish they treated me like I was everyone else. 

I eventually caved in and apologized to my mother, but only because I was not trying to argue with her all day after being treated like that at the party. Turns out I also have a doctor's appointment today about this dumb chemotherapy that I already said I'Minot doing. I turn 18 in two months and by the time we have everything ready for the treatment I'll already be 18, and I'm not doing it. 

I get it, why wouldn't you get the treatment? It will save your life, they all say, but no it won't. I finally grew my hair back, and I'm not losing it again. And I'm tired of always being sick. Everyone telling me to do it has never experienced how it affects you mentally and physically. The only one who understands is Emma, and she told me it's my decision.

Emma is my best friend in this whole world, we met in the hospital when we were like 6, and we have been friends since. She always knows the right thing to say. She's the only person I know who knows exactly how it feels. I told her that I Was tired of fighting I said I wasn't giving up completely I just want to experience something other than doctor appointments and emergency room visits

At my doctor's appointment, my mom told the doctor I was going to do another round of chemo. I was so angry she didn't listen to me, so I told her right there in the office in front of doctor Rogers. I told her that she doesn't make my decisions anymore, and she can't make me do anything, and doctor Rodgers said that it was my decision this time. At that moment, my mom looked like she was going to flip out. She told the doc I was just a kid, and he shouldn't be giving me false hope. I understand how she feels, I really do, but I think instead of yelling at me about this situation, she should talk to me about it. Every time I bring it up, it always turns into an argument. And I'm tired of fighting with her fighting cancer. I'm just tired of everything. 

I went over to Emma's house again. Her cousin was there, and he said there was a college party tonight. I really didn't want to go because the last time I went, everyone treated me like a cancer patient, but Emma talked me into it. She said we won't know anyone there, and they won't have any idea about our past. Emma's cousin said he was coming just to be safe, and he said as soon as we want to leave he’ll take us straight home. 

Emma and I saw beer pong on the table and thought it would be fun. We never played before or even drank alcohol. “There's a first time for everything,” Emma said with a smile on her face and a drink in her hand. I would have never expected being drunk would feel like this. All I want to do is dance and sing and laugh and cry and scream and leave. I want to leave, this wasn't a good idea. I don't feel good. Likewise, I feel dizzy and nauseous and like I never should have started drinking. 

I don't remember much of what happened at the party, but I knew it was so much fun until I woke up in the hospital. I don't know what exactly led me to this point, but it was all worth it. Emma said I was having fun until I started puking and that's when everything went downhill. She said I threw up so much I passed out.  But she also said she never saw me having so much fun. But if anything is certain, I will NEVER drink again.

My mom was so mad. She has never been this mad at me. I feel terrible. I shouldn't have made her worry like that. My mom told me I have to do chemotherapy now. She said I'm not responsible enough to make my own decisions. I get it, she's a little right. But this is my body, my treatment only affects me and I can't go through that again.

My mother is actually a really understanding person. Yesterday, she asked me what she could do to help me make better decisions. It was a great conversation and I also agreed to do another round of chemotherapy, but this is my last round. 

I start chemo in two months, and I'm so scared, but I have to do it. Not for myself, but for my mom. I love her and I don't want her to think I'm giving up because I'm not, I'm just so tired of fighting this never ending battle. 

I was already prepared for chemotherapy, but my mom wasn't. Not only that, but I've been puking all morning. She keeps trying to get me to eat something, but just the thought of eating makes me want to puke again. I know she is trying to help, but the only thing I need right now is space and rest.

I don't want to be alive anymore. I'm so tired of fighting. I'm tired of being a sick kid. I'm so tired of being looked at like I'm different. I'm just tired. I don't have anything to look forward to. All I will ever be is a cancer patient.

Emma came to the hospital when my mom was asleep. Emma and I went on a walk, and she noticed I was having a hard time. She said I was still beautiful though. I love her so much. And I'm so happy she was the one person I could call my best friend. I explained that I am exhausted. I can't go through this again, but this might actually work. I might be cancer free and stay cancer free this time. 

The doctor said we have to leave tomorrow morning, so I'm going to bed extra early, so I don't have to wait forever. My Moms sitting on the couch in the hospital room watching Grey's anatomy. I told her I loved her, and I was going to bed. She assured me that everything would be okay, and I would not have to worry anymore. She hugged me and I went to bed.