What is this boot camp! Every day I wake up and do the same dumb thing, every day I wake up and put on the same boring clothes. I mean really, every day I put on the same red McDonalds shirt. I put on the same name tag, and tiredly at 6 A.M., I get in the same dinky little Honda and drive to work. I go through the same traffic lights and stop at the same stop signs. Everything I do is bland and the same.
I need adventure in my life, I need some excitement! Not some, but a lot. As I turn my ignition on, I thought to myself. “I turn left and go that way and go to work, what if I turned right and didn’t stop?” so that’s what I did, I went right. I floored it and took off like no bodies business. That was, until a cop came after me for skipping a stop sign. But I figured, “Ah what the heck I am on an adventure.” Running away seemed like a lot of fun, until the cop caught me and ran me into a fire hydrant.
As he was ripping the door open and trying to pull me out of the car, a wasp came by and stung him. That cop screamed like a little pansy, so I took that opportunity to run away, so I did. I hauled it down the road on my own 2 feet.  But then the cop manned up when he saw me run away.
He started screaming and blowing his whistle, so I ran faster. So he ran faster. I was quickly running out of breath, with just a few more breaths left in me I turned around. But when I turned around I accidentally hit a stop sign. You wanna know what happened next. I stopped!
When I had barely regained consciousness I could smell this really weird smell. It smelled like super strong perfume and garlic. Then I felt something wet, and I heard sirens. Yep, I was in the back of a cop car. And that smell was pee and vomit, you know because they forgot to spray the back seats.
When we got to the police station, the cop brought me in to process me. First the charges, then the hair sample, then the writing sample, then the fingerprint scanning, then my selfie, and then he put me in the jail cell.
3 days passed and I have been slowly edging angry bird cartoons into the wall using a piece of metal that broke off from my rusty bed. Finally the cop came back and allowed me my 1 phone call. He handed me his white IPhone with a galaxy case on it and allowed me my 1 call. So I decided to call my mom, but what I didn’t know was that she had gotten a new number and her old number was recycled. So when the call went through, all I heard was this crude old fart of a man scream “What do you want?” So I replied “For you to come bail me out of jail!” He ended the call.
The entire rest of the day I paced around kicking rusty screws and replaying songs Britney Spears played in my head. After hours of doing that I accidentally kicked one of the rails on my cell door. I spent the next 2 hours screaming the alphabet while laying on my hard brick of a bed and holding my foot.
Early the next morning I woke up to the sound of a lock and key, then followed by a slam, some footsteps, and then another slam. I barely popped my head up and all I see is the muscular huge giant, tattooed bald guy grumpily walk up to me. As he walked up to me he ground was cracking. My first instinct was to little man it, so I did.
I straight up little manned it so I hard, I was all like. “What do you want boy!” “Yea,” I jumped at his chest while pumping mine out, “What are you here for boy.” “You don’t wanna jack with me, I used to return tapes.” “Unrewound!” He looked down at me and flared his nostrils. I just let out a little tiny and fearful, “ugh.” I came back at him all like, “I gonna jump you, and you gonna cry.” His face started cringing up a little. He stared at me all funny as I carved a picture of a bridge into the wall. I looked at him with the straightest face and said, “Here is a bridge, now get over it” He backed off and sadly went and laid in the corner at stayed there for the rest of the night.
I went back to bed in comfort and woke up the next day in comfort. As I sat around knocking my little metal cup against the rails of my cell door, the head guard came over and started talking to me. We got into a conversation about McDonalds. Then I realized, “I didn’t get read my Miranda Rights!” So I brought it up, “Hey man what are my Miranda Rights, I never heard them?” The head guard flipped out and yelled, “You weren’t read you’re Miranda Rights!” He opened that door, pulled me out, took my cuffs off, and let me go home. So I did, I went home.
When I got home I let out a sigh of relief, “What an adventure” I said to myself as I got in the shower to wash off all the jail dirt. That was probably the nicest shower I have ever had, I let out 1 more restless sigh of relief as I collapsed on my race car bed. I woke up the next morning to an ugly buzzing sound, which was my alarm. I got out of bed and got ready to go to work. Then I had a slight problem, I couldn’t find my car key, so I just grabbed the spare. I walked outside and to my surprise my car was not there. “Oh yea, now I remember” I said to myself. My words got real slow and sluggish “I totaled it when I hit the stop sign.”