Characters:

CRUSOE: French Detective, bumbling Idiot, full of himself, completely lost. He is assigned the case of finding the missing British man after not having been an active detective for a few years.

KRAUSE: Crusoe's partner. She's pretty smart and is easily annoyed by Crusoe

CEDRIC THE GREAT: Magician that performs a disappearing act with George from the audience, but he can't get him to reappear.

CYNTHIA: Cedric’s assistant.

GEORGE: British man attending the performance; he's the one that disappears.



ANDY: American that's touring Europe with friends. He automatically assumes everyone around him doesn't speak English.

JING-JING: Speaks very little English, and she wears a straw hat everywhere.

AUDIENCE: Everyone, non-actors included.

SETTING: An auditorium in France, Crusoe is at home (a few desks in the back) at first, Krause enters before him.

Plotline:

1. Magical act begins. A couple of cheesy tricks are performed.

2. A volunteer (George) is called to the stag.

3. Cedric the Great makes George vanish, and he is supposed to reappear in a box on the stage, but George is nowhere to be found. Intro of conflict

4. Detectives Krause shows up first, followed by Crusoe whom shows up later, being woken up by a call from the police chief.

5. Both detectives begin to interrogate everyone at the show.

6. Each person interrogated gives a different story about what happened to George. One says he left for the bathroom, another says he saw him go back to his seat, etc. Rising action

7. The detectives are down to the last person whose name does not show up on the list of attendees.

8. During the interview, Krause knocks off the man's hat out of frustration, and it suddenly becomes clear that George is this man and he faked his own disappearance.

9. George confesses, saying he got scared when the lights went off and threw on a disguise. Says the ETA is after him.

Conflict: Man vs. Man

Theme: Things aren’t always as complicated as they seem, don’t make a fool of yourself by assuming wrong-doing, don't be afraid of authority if you haven't done anything wrong.

Symbolism: George’s new outfit symbolizes fear


PROPS:

-Leather jacket (GEORGE)
-Straw hat (JING-JING)
-”Gentleman’s” hat (GEORGE)
-Cup covered with paper (CEDRIC)
-Coin (CEDRIC & ANDY)
-Deck of cards (CEDRIC & JING-JING)






Scene One: Cedric the Great begins his magic act.
(The scene begins with all audience members seated with JING-JING, GEORGE and ANDY are seated in the front)

CEDRIC THE GREAT: (loudly, flamboyantly) Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! I proudly present to you...myself! The Cedric the Great!

(Audience and characters applaud, weakly)

CEDRIC: Thank you Thank you! But, I must get to my act! I have so little time and so much to show! (pauses) Now, I will need a volunteer for my disappearing act! Who’s the brave soul that is willing to volunteer?

(GEORGE raises his hand)

CEDRIC: You sir! (points at GEORGE)

GEORGE: Me?

CEDRIC: Yes! You!

(GEORGE stands up and walks to the stage and up to CEDRIC)

CEDRIC: How would you like to be part of a disappearing act?

GEORGE: Sure, why not?

CEDRIC: AND NOW! The pièce de résistance! Sir, if you would step into this box (GEORGE steps behind Mrs. Levin’s desk)

GEORGE: Um...like this?

CEDRIC: Yes! That is good! And now...ladies and gentlemen...prepare to be amazed! (CEDRIC slowly waves his hands around, gesturing to the desk a few times, suddenly shouting) ALAKAZAMO!

(GEORGE drops down and goes to hide behind the desk. Everyone is silent for a second before CEDRIC finally shouts again)

And he is gone! Never to be seen...until I command it!

AUDIENCE: Ooh! Ah!

CEDRIC: But! It is best not to keep our brave volunteer waiting in Limbo for long! I shall bring him back...with a couple of magic words...ABRA-KADABRO! (CEDRIC waves his hands toward the desk in a similar manner, but nothing happens)

JING-JING: Ooh! He still has gone!

(CEDRIC briefly glares at JING-JING before waving his hands around again, a little frustrated this time, but still GEORGE does not stand up)

CEDRIC: (Laughing awkwardly) Ha-ha...um...one more time! Third time is often the charm with these things!

(CEDRIC waves his hands around one last time before giving up and walking around to the other side of the desk. He gasps and yells) Ah! He is gone!

AUDIENCE: (gasps) Oh-no!

ANDY: Somebody call the police!

Scene 2: Crusoe and Krause

(KRAUSE stands away by the desk were GEORGE disappeared with CEDRIC sitting in a nearby chair. All of the other characters are sitting in a group of chairs lines next to each other, save for ANDY, whom is sitting in another chair already, twiddling his thumbs. Then she takes out an imaginary cell phone to call up Crusoe. Crusoe is lying a ways away in the back of the room on two desks laid side-by-side. A BRING sound is heard and Crusoe hops up, hits his head on the desk and answers the phone)

CRUSOE: Ah! Yes! Okay! I wasn’t asleep!

KRAUSE: Who said you were? It’s detective Krause! Get over here. A man has gone missing over at Le Malentendu Theatre.

CRUSOE: Ah! yes! Right away! (CRUSOE jogs dramatically to KRAUSE; upon reaching his partner, he is out of breath. He slams his hands onto the desk that holds CEDRIC)

CRUSOE: So it was YOU!

KRASUE: (Gives Crusoe a strange look) Um...right... So Mr... the Great... when was the last time you saw Mr. Johnson?

CEDRIC: Johnson? Oh the volunteer, well how should I know? This is a travesty! I have never had this happen to one of my shows!

CRUSOE: Never, you say? Never ever? (CRUSOE picks up a folder and begins flipping through the pages, pauses, and then looks up at CEDRIC) Are you sure?

CEDRIC: I am beyond certain!

CRUSOE: (pauses) Then how do you explain this?! (He throws down a piece of paper in front of CEDRIC) A couple that was once on your show

KRAUSE: (tries interrupting) Crusoe?

CRUSOE (ignores KRAUSE):...was kidnapped days later...

KRAUSE: Detective...

CRUSOE:...never to be seen again!

KRAUSE: Crusoe!

CRUSOE: (looks over at his partner innocently) What?

KRAUSE: (picking up the paper) This is not...hey, give me that file! (KRAUSE takes the folder that CRUSOE is holding, looks at it and growls) Crusoe!

CRUSOE: (still innocent) Yes?

KRAUSE: You picked up the file for Cedric The Entertainer! Not Cedric The Great!

CRUSOE: Oh...well that explains why they look so different. (CRUSOE looks between the file and CEDRIC, still seated in the chair)

KRAUSE: You moron! Go get the right file!

CRUSOE: Ah! Yes! Right away! (CRUSOE walks away and grabs another folder)

KRAUSE: (looks back at CEDRIC) So, nobody has ever gone missing before?

CEDRIC: Never! I can even tell you where exactly George was supposed to reappear!

KRAUSE: And where might that be?

CEDRIC: There was supposed to be a flash and some smoke pouring around the center of the stage. George was to rise up like a zombie! But, that did not happen. Not even the smoke showed up. My assistant told me that she was unable to find George.

(CRUSOE walks back with another file in hand)

CRUSOE: I have your file!

KRAUSE: (looks at CRUSOE) great, that’s great.

(KRAUSE takes a look at the file)

CRUSOE: Your assistant is rather suspicious!

KRAUSE: Now, how exactly was your assistant supposed to find George?

CEDRIC: There is a secret door underneath the desk. When I make George disappear, my assistant brings him to a spot underneath the center of the stage. Once I say the magic words to make him reappear, he is risen up from the center of the stage. But...my assistant says that when she went to go get him, he was gone!

CRUSOE: Why did your assistant not tell you he was gone right from the beginning?

CEDRIC: You fool! That would ruin the act! The secret door would be exposed to the audience, and they would know how everything worked! A true magician never reveals his secrets!

KRAUSE: Hmm...well, you’re free to go...for now.

(CEDRIC gets up to leave and begin to exit)

CRUSOE: Don’t go far...(CRUSOE squints his eyes suspiciously at CEDRIC as he leaves)

CRUSOE: (turns excitedly back to KRAUSE) So, who do we bring in next, detective?

KRAUSE: I say we look into Cedric’s assistant. What’s her name?

CRUSOE: Hmmm...(takes a look through the file he’s holding) Cynthia.

KRAUSE: Okay...let’s go get her.

(KRAUSE walks out to where the rest of characters are waiting)

KRAUSE: Cynthia, would you please come on down.

(CYNTHIA slowly looks around and gets up, walks down and sits in the armchair.)

KRAUSE: Alright Cynthia, when did you last see George?

(CYNTHIA starts to cry dramatically.)

CYNTHIA: It wasn’t me! Jim says he sent the man down, but I never saw him. I left to go back up for the next part of the show! I have no clue where he went. PLEASE you have to believe me. I didn’t do anything wrong.

CRUSOE: Who is this... Jim you speak of?

(CYNTHIA blinks with wide eyes.)

CYNTHIA: You have to believe me. It wasn't my idea!

CRUSOE: What wasn’t your idea? (CYNTHIA looks away) Tell us! We have ways of making you talk!

KRAUSE: Crusoe!

CRUSOE: What?

KRASUE: You can’t do that!

CRUSOE: Can too!

KRASUE: So help me Crusoe step off or I will have you suspended. (To CYNTHIA) Don’t listen to him, he’s a fool. Tell us what Cedric or Jim did and we may withhold charges of involvement.

CYNTHIA: What?

KRASUE: We’re not going to let you get away with murder, for example, but confessing will help your situation. It is best to tell us now.

CYNTHIA: (looks relieved) Cedric is...

CRUSOE: (LOUDLY) TELL US!

CYNTHIA: (yelps) OKAY, okay... Cedric is Jim. I mean, he was Jim first. Cedric was someone else, but now Jim is Ceric.

CRUSOE: Plastic surgery?

KRAUSE: Identity theft?

CYNTHIA: umm... yeah. He did, like, take his papers, you know?

CRUSOE: Wait, Cedric, Cedric the Entertainer?

KRAUSE: No Crusoe, I told you this one calls himself the Great... wait you mean?

CYNTHIA: The papers were from that guy I think. Jim always liked the Great better though so he changed it.

(CRUSOE looks rather pleased with himself)

KRASUE: I guess we just found an identity thief. Or you did Crusoe... nice work.

CRUSOE: (very full of himself) Oh, no need to thank me partner! Just doing my job!

KRAUSE: Very well...okay, let’s see...the next person on the list is an American. This ought to be easy.

(CRUSOE and KRAUSE look over and see another desk with ANDY sitting in it)

KRAUSE: This is going nowhere so far...but we have other suspects Crusoe. Maybe they will be more useful. (She flips through the binder CRUSOE threw down earlier) This next one was in the front, may he may have seen something.

(they move to the desk were ANDY sits)

ANDY: (speaks loudly and slowly) Hello My name Andy! I am from the United States of America! Where is your translator?

KRAUSE: That will not be necessary.

ANDY: Oh, hey! You guys speak English...cool!

CRUSOE: Of course we speak English! We are the police!

ANDY: How should I know who speaks English and who doesn’t? I’m in France! I assume everyone speaks French!

KRAUSE: Alright, alright...let’s just get moving with this...Andy, did you see anything during the disappearing act?

ANDY: What do you mean?

CRUSOE: Did you kidnap Mr. George Johnson?

ANDY: What? No! I don’t even know who that is!

KRAUSE: The man that Cedric called up for the third act he did tonight! Did you see what happened to him?

ANDY: Oh, the guy that Cedric called to the stage? The guy after the Chinese girl?

CRUSOE: Yes! Did you see anything?

ANDY: Um...no...

(KRAUSE and CRUSOE both groan, and CRUSOE gets angry)

CRUSOE: Fine then! If you are unwilling to cooperate, we will keep you here for the night!

ANDY: I have RIGHTS! How dare you keep me here? You can be sure my lawyer will hear of this!

KRAUSE: Sir, your lawyer is, I assume still in the US, the state will provide you with one if you ask.

ANDY: A FRENCH lawyer? Oh no that will never do... (ANDY looks afraid) Why would they do this to me? He’ll never get me out, and I’ll be stuck here forever.

CRUSOE: Until you chose to tell us everything you know!

ANDY: (slams his hand down on the table) I told you! I don’t know anything! Please...let me go.

KRAUSE: (slowly walks around the desk in an intimidating manner) So, you are sure you didn’t see anything? You didn’t even see anyone moving around?

ANDY: No! Wait...there was someone that seemed to get back to his seat right around the time George what’s-his-face went missing...but I can’t remember what he looked like...other than the fact that he was wearing a hat...and maybe a jacket...

CRUSOE: I see you will be no use, (Yelling to the audience) bring in the next one!

KRAUSE: Who are you yelling at? We’re the only ones here!

(CRUSOE give her a sheepish look, KRAUSE stares back)

CRUSOE: ...you.

(Dead silence for a couple of seconds)

CRUSOE: Come on, don’t undermine me in front of the suspects.

(KRAUSE seems angry, CRUSOE breaks the staring contest and looks away. KRAUSE eventually sighs and begins talking again)

KRAUSE: Well, it’s not much of a lead, but it’s something...someone returning to their seat after Mr. Johnson didn’t reappear...Andy said he was wearing a hat and maybe a jacket...hmmm.

(CRUSOE suddenly looks like he got an idea and peer out at the people waiting outside of the interview room. He excitedly turns back to KRAUSE)

CRUSOE: I see someone wearing a hat! (CRUSOE points at JING-JING)

KRAUSE: (sighing in annoyance) Crusoe...I don’t think that’s what Andy meant...and besides, that Chinese girl was sitting in the front row.

(CRUSOE ignores KRAUSE and walks out to JING-JING anyways)

KRAUSE: I suppose we need to interview her anyways.

(CRUSOE comes up to JING-JING and motions for her to come with him. JING-JING is able to understand the gesture and follows CRUSOE as he leads her to the interview room)

KRAUSE: Please have a seat. (KRAUSE motions to the desk chair and JING-JING sits)

JING-JING: Hello! (waves excitedly at the two detectives).

KRAUSE: Okay...miss, what is your name?

JING-JING: My name Jing-Jing! I am Chinese!

KRAUSE: Do you live in China?

JING-JING: Yes! I from China! They always say to me there that my English not good...do you feel my English good?

CRUSOE: Not really...

JING-JING: Oh, my English is real good? Oh! Thank you! Everyone always has trouble with understand for me...

KRAUSE: (turns to CRUSOE) this is going nowhere...we should just let her go...even if she did see something, she won’t understand anything we ask her.

CRUSOE: Wait one second (CRUSOE puts his hands on the desk and leans in real close to JING-JING) Nee kan shen muh luh?

JING-JING: Huh? Oh, I no speak Mandarin! I speak Cantonese!

CRUSOE: D’oh! (drops his head down to the table in shame)

KRAUSE: (facepalms) you’re free to go miss.

JING-JING: I go for no money? That good! Good bye! (JING-JING gets up and leaves)

KRAUSE: (moves to CRUSOE and places a comforting hand on CRUSOE’s shoulder) You alright partner?

CRUSOE: Not really...

KRAUSE: Well, I don’t think we have many people left.

(CRUSOE picks his head up and looks out to see one man left waiting)

KRAUSE: We should see the last one now. Who’s left?

CRUSOE: (points) That one guy, with the hat.

KRAUSE: Alright sir, please come on down.

(The man stays in his seat. KRAUSE and CRUSOE shrug and walk up to where he is sitting.

CRUSOE: (gets in close to the man’s face) This is very suspicious behavior.

KRAUSE: Crusoe he’s just tried, and so am I. Can you tell us, sir, if you saw anything suspicious?

UNKNOWN MAN: No, I didn’t see anyone. No one at all I saw nothing. There was nothing to see. Nothing.

CRUSOE: (To KRAUSE) I told you so! (To the man) What do you know? Huh?

MAN: I’m no one.

KRAUSE: He never asked who you were.

CRUSOE: He saw something I know it!

(The man fidgets with the hat, pulling it down low.)

MAN: (Unsure) Um... I’m no one?

KRAUSE: Look, it’s pretty clear at this point you’re someone. Now, it’s 3 in the morning and I would enjoy sleeping at some point. Who are you?

CRUSOE: Yeah! What she said!

(MAN continues to touch the hat)

CRUSOE: Stop it!

(CRUSOE grabs the hat away)

(AUDIENCE gasps dramatically)

CRUSOE: It’s you!

GEORGE: No it’s not. It’s not, really.

KRAUSE: You were just sitting here this entire time, why?

GEORGE: I was hiding! They’re after me. This was my escape plan, but then you two come in and say no one can leave. If I went missing here they’d never find me.

CRUSOE: Who?

GEORGE: The ....

KRAUSE: The .......?

GEORGE: The ETA! They want me dead!

CRUSOE: Why would they want you dead? Are you leaving too big of a carbon footprint?

KRAUSE: Not EPA, ETA! They’re a terrorist group...but why would they be after you?

GEORGE: I...I might’ve ratted out one of their members...but it wasn’t my fault! The Spanish police...they were gonna throw me in jail if I didn’t talk! I had no choice!

CRUSOE: Why did you just decide not to go into protective custody then?

GEORGE: I can’t trust the Spanish police! Are you kidding me? Odds are, one of their guys on the inside is Basque! [say: BAWSK] They’ll give me away in a heartbeat! I know it!

(GEORGE puts his head down on the table, cradling it in his hands. He breathes deeply, very scared)

GEORGE (muffled through his hands): What am I gonna do?

KRAUSE (puts a hand on his shoulder): I’ll see to it that you’re moved into protective custody...in Ireland. You probably don’t trust the French either.

GEORGE (shakes his head, which is still down in his hands): Nun-uh!

(GEORGE suddenly bolts up and points and stares at CRUSOE)

GEORGE: He’s French though! I can’t trust you guys!

CRUSOE: Of course I’m trustworthy! How do you think we were able to find you.

KRAUSE (rolls her eyes at CRUSOE and looks back at GEORGE): You can trust us. Me especially.

(KRAUSE leans in closer and whispers): Besides...there’s no way this bumbling fool is a terrorist.

CRUSOE: What was that?

KRAUSE (pulling away from GEORGE): Nothing! Anyways...well, I guess this means case closed. I’ll put a call into the Irish authorities to have George Johnson put into protective custody.

(Scene ends with the three of them walking off stage)