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NightStalker part 2: Chapter one: Stalked by a Stalker
Total chaos erupted once once the masked man shot the suited mans foot. He fell on the ground moaning with pain.
“Get him!Get him!” shouted the suited man.
The masked man ran as fast as he could zipping by the wilting willow tree to the left where the suited mans silver gun lay. He took it firing wildly at the guards that were trailing behind him.
“Come back here!” the guards shouted at the black man who shot their boss.
The masked man continued to run, even faster than before.
He ran past a small town where he was continued to being trailed by the three armed guard.
He soon slipped in between a grime covered ally that had a layer of filth on the floor. There was two moldy trash bins on the right side of the ally.
The guards ran by not even taking in the ally. The masked man continued down the long narrow ally.
He then finally reached light and turned to a crooked road that swiveled up to a dark looming house, that was covered by naked trees. The moon and the wisps of clouds matched the eerie appearance of the house.
The masked man walked up the road taking his time, and every few minutes looking back over his shoulder.
He reached the eerie house and yanked open the old wooden door, creaking when doing so.
“Your home?!” a woman cried. She was dresses in a white and black outfit, which could only be registered as a maids outfit. She had golden hair that was pulled up into a messy bun. She had sparkling hazel eyes and her skin glowed when she step forth into the light to take the masked mans coat.
“Jadyn! You ripped your coat!” she said as if it had happened before.
“Sorry, being the NightStalker, is hard work” Jadyn put quotes when he said “NightStalker”.
“What! There calling you a hideous beast! That is so not true!” the women.
“Melonie, it’s fine I’m OK with it. I just ignore it” Jadyn said to her.
“It’s not OK! They named you after a murder! Sure you both lurk around at night, but your not a murder!” Melonie protested.
“Good night Melonie!” Jadyn waved a good night and headed up the wounding stair case that lay in front of him.
He went to his bedroom on the far left side of the hallway. He opened the door to reveal a dark bedroom. You could still make out the faint figures of a small book case to the right and a medium sized bed to the left. right in front was a white dresser and a desk. He took off his coat and got on his nightwear. All Jadyn wanted to do was get to sleep. He rolled onto the bed and he closed his eyes. In an instant, he was asleep.
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This article has 20 comments.
I agree with Megan.J.B. This was better than the first one, but I still have criticisms.
1. Description is really important. I felt like I was in a dark room with random people talking. Use more description.
2. Still work on your dialogue.
3. WORK ON YOUR GRAMMAR!
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